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Two kinds of people won't be surprised to learn this week that science has demonstrated that narcissists are more attractive for dates than non-narcissists: people who've had the misfortune of being romantically involved with narcissists, and narcissists themselves – because believing that they are very attractive is a key symptom of their character.
本周，科学家证实了自恋的人比普通人更具有吸引力，这一消息对于两类人而言不足为奇：一类人，是那些与自恋者有过恋爱关系的人；另一类人，就是自恋者自己——因为这类人的典型特点就是深信自己非常有魅力。
This breakthrough was published by an Austrian researcher, who ran an experiment with speed daters. He indexed people's narcissistic characteristics against the frequency with which their speed-dating partners indicated that they'd like to see them again. His finding: those with the highest scores on the narcissism scale also tended to be perceived as most desirable by members of the opposite sex.
一位奥地利科研人员，针对速配约会者进行了相关实验，并公布了这一惊人发现。他指出，与人们的预期不同，速配约会者表示愿意再和有自恋特征的人约会。他还发现：越是自恋的人，在异性眼中越有魅力。
But as partners, narcissists are no picnic: their self-obsession can smother any semblance of vulnerability, and yet for all that talk about how great they are, narcissists often struggle with very low self-esteem. They are crippled by an inability to build real emotional connections with other people. They lack empathy. They're great at attracting partners, but terrible at maintaining healthy relationships.
但是自恋者绝不适合做生活伴侣：不论他们怎样高谈阔论自己的成就，表现的多么坚强，没有一丝脆弱，但是内心深处却很自卑。他们的最大缺陷就是无法和其他人建立真正的情感联系。他们没有共情能力。他们很擅于吸引他人，但是却不擅于维系一段良好关系。
And yet – and yet! – we love them. Why? Here are three reasons why narcissists thrive in our romantic economy:
但是--即使这样--我们还是爱他们。这是为什么呢？在情场上，自恋者如此受欢迎的原因有三方面：
They deeply believe in their own attractiveness
首先，他们对于自己的个人魅力深信不疑。
Narcissists are good-looking. Or, perhaps more importantly, they believe that they are – and this belief plays a role in how they move through the world: confident in their ability to make other people want to have sex with them. One of the best (and by that I mean worst) examples of this behavior that I ever came across was a man whose opening seduction gambit at parties would be to go over to a woman he liked and physically pick her up off the floor. It was at once a demonstration of his extreme confidence and total indifference to other people's feelings.
自恋者外形靓丽。或者说，更重要的是他们相信自己看起来非常棒——这样的信条影响了他们生活中的言行举止：有自信，相信自己很性感，能够吸引他人。有一个绝佳的例子（在我看来是很糟糕的行为）来证明这点，我曾经遇到一个男士，开派对时，他在人前惯用的撩妹招数就是走到一位女士身边，将对方抱起来。这是他极度自信的最直接证明，完全不在乎他人的感受。
Of course, physical attraction is essential in any relationship. But the problem with dating a narcissist is that they wear out their partners with demands for attention and soon start to seek that approbation from others. Which is why they will go back on Tinder (“just for fun!”) and why, if you're seeking a monogamous relationship, being with a narcissist isn't very nice at all.
当然，外表的吸引力对于建立一段关系很重要。但是问题是，和自恋者约会，他们的伴侣常常会因为得无时无刻关注他们而身心疲倦，而且，自恋者很快就不满足于此，并开始寻求其他人的赞赏。这就是为什么自恋者往往会回到原来的状态，开始用手机交友应用（“这款应用就是为了好玩”）寻找下一个目标了，这也是为什么当你试图寻找一段专一的感情时，和自恋者在一起往往不会有好的结果。
They're the kings of flattery
其次，自恋者擅于恭维他人。
Narcissists want other people to think that they're better, more attractive, more interesting and smarter than everyone else. And in the initial phases of a relationship they tend to tell whoever they're dating that (s)he is wonderful, attractive, interesting and smart, because they think that it reflects well on them: they're marvelous, so they choose marvelous partners. The trouble is that narcissists can't cope with the inevitable result of that process: your development of affection for them.
自恋者希望他人觉得自己很棒，有吸引力，风趣，比别人聪明。他们在建立关系初期，他们也趋向于告诉自己的约会对象，她（或他）优秀，有吸引力，风趣，聪明，这样做是因为可以衬托出自己的优秀：自己如此卓越，所以选择的伴侣也得同样卓越才行。可是麻烦的是，自恋者并不想承担奉承的后果：约会者对他们产生了感情。
Fear of exposing their intrinsic lack of lovability means that when you start feeling close to your narcissist partner, they'll start to push you away. If you're lucky, that means that they'll tell you that you care too much about them and leave. The breakup will inevitably be confusing, upsetting and painful, but easier than the effects of a long-term relationship with a narcissist.
自恋者害怕暴露自己内在缺乏爱的能力，所以每当伴侣想要靠近自恋者时，他们就会把伴侣推得更远。如果你幸运的话，这意味着他们会告诉你太关注他们了，分手吧。这样的分手无可避免会令人感到困惑，不安，痛苦，但是和自恋者维持一段长期关系对人的影响更糟。
They're really, really charismatic
第三，自恋者非常、非常有人缘
Despite the trouble they have with emotional vulnerability, narcissists tend to surround themselves with people – they've always got lots of friends, acquaintances, professional contacts. Is there anything more appealing that having someone with a million friends – who's the life of the party, who's made it clear that all kinds of people want to spend time with them – pay attention to you? Maybe you're very special. Until they decide that you're not that special anymore. The narcissist feeds on attention, and once (s)he has sucked you dry, it's on to the next.
尽管自恋者情感脆弱，他们身边却总是围满了人——他们有很多朋友，熟人，业务联系人。还有什么比拥有一个交友广泛的恋人更让人向往的呢——他们会是聚会的中心人物，各种类型的人都想和他们成为朋友。他们却注意到你了。也许你非常特别，但是等到他们认为你没什么特别的时候，就会离开你。自恋者离开不开别人的关注，一旦他们榨干了你所有的关注后，就会转移目标了。
