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My husband, Clay, does the laundry. He also cooks a mean dinner and manages our 7-year-old's schedule with the seamless precision of the Blue Angels.
我丈夫克莱(Clay)负责洗衣服。他晚餐做得也不赖，另外，他还负责安排我们七岁女儿的日程表，精准度甚至可以媲美“蓝天使”特技飞行队(Blue Angels)。
Clay loves what he does, and he's proud that he does it all so well. But, he also concedes, it comes with a price.
克莱喜欢他现在所做的事情，并且对自己能够这么胜任颇感自豪。但是，他也承认，为此他付出了一些代价。
Clay resents the perception that some people (including some readers) have that he is henpecked, or that he doesn't contribute enough to the family. He has at times felt isolated among stay-at-home moms, or shunned by the dads who find his situation odd, or threatening.
克莱非常反感一些人（包括一些读者）把他看作“妻管严”，或认为他没有为家庭做出足够的贡献。在全职妈妈们的圈子里，他时常会感到孤单，他还会被那些认为他的家庭角色尴尬或具有威胁性的爸爸们拒之千里。
Amid all the talk of women "leaning in" to their careers, Clay says that he would like to hear more stories about men who are leaning into their families, as he did after shutting down his contracting business when the housing market collapsed nearly three years ago.
有关女性“投身于”事业的讨论称得上铺天盖地，克莱说，他希望看到更多讲述男性献身家庭的故事。差不多三年前，在房地产市场暴跌后，克莱关闭了自己日益不景气的公司。此后，他便承担起照顾家庭的重任。
So for Clay, this is one of those stories.
因此，对克莱来说，他的故事便是一个这样的故事。
Clay never anticipated being a stay-at-home father. Seeing his business succumb despite his best efforts to keep it going was sad and stressful for both of us.
克莱从未想过自己会成为一名全职爸爸。尽管他使出了浑身解数，但仍未能保住自己的公司，这对我们两个人来说都是既伤感又沉重的一件事情。
But when I was offered a promotion, he encouraged me to take it, even though it involved frequent travel and would require him to become a full-time parent. Our daughter was 4 years old at the time, and he felt he could do the greatest good for the family by being there for her—and for me.
但是，当我得到了一次升迁机会的时候，他却鼓励我接受这个机会，尽管新岗位需要频繁出差，而这要求他不得不成为全职爸爸。我们的女儿那时候四岁，克莱觉得最有利于这个家庭的选择就是陪伴在她身边──也陪伴在我身边。
Although society has progressed in its acceptance of stay-at-home fathers, Clay feels that outside of larger urban areas, including in parts of our small town, traditional attitudes remain more entrenched.
尽管社会在接纳全职爸爸方面已经取得了一些进步，但是克莱感觉到，在大城市以外，包括我们所居住的小镇上的某些地方，传统观念仍然根深蒂固。
"My pat reply to 'What do you do?' is that 'Laura earns our income and I try to do most everything else, ' "he says. "Sometimes, depending on who's listening, the 'everything else' feels weak."
克莱说，“对于别人‘你现在做什么工作？’的问题，我总是熟练地回答‘劳拉(Laura)负责赚钱，而我则尽量去完成大多数剩下的事情。有的时候，取决于聆听对象，‘剩下的事情’听起来苍白无力。”
Early on, he felt isolated as most of the other parents he would meet in preschool were women. If he wanted to set up a play date with another child, he would give the mother his email address and phone number, but felt odd asking for contact details in return, as he didn't want her to think he was hitting on her.
克莱在女儿的学前班遇到的大多数家长都是妈妈们，因此在开始的时候，他感到有点孤单。如果他想帮女儿和另一个小朋友安排个一起玩耍的时间，他就得给这个小朋友的妈妈留下自己的邮箱地址和电话号码；但他觉得如果是反过来向她要联系方式就有点奇怪，因为他不想让她产生自己在向她示好的误解。
He was also careful about where play dates would occur, especially after an unpleasant experience at the house of one of our daughter's classmates. When the child's father came home unexpectedly, the mood suddenly turned tense, even though my husband was just sitting while the kids played in front of them.
克莱对于约定女儿和小朋友玩耍的地点也很谨慎，特别是有次他在女儿的一个同学家有过不愉快的经历之后。那天，当这位同学的爸爸意外提早回家时，气氛顿时变得紧张起来，尽管我丈夫只是坐在那儿看孩子们在大人们面前玩耍而已。
"Perhaps he was just having a rough day, but I would never have greeted a guest in my home with the cold surprise that he greeted me with, " Clay says. "It's a standout memory, but not in a good way."
克莱说，“可能是他那天过得很糟糕吧，但是我无论如何也不会在自己家里像他那样用冷漠不解的眼神来问候客人。那是一次让人难以忘怀的回忆，不过并不是什么美好的回忆。”
Generally, Clay says, he finds that women seem more sympathetic, or at least less critical of his role. He has rarely if ever heard a female acquaintance crack a joke about his role as a stay-at-home parent.
一般来讲，克莱说，他发现女性更富同理心，或者说至少较少地讽刺他的家庭角色。他几乎没有被女性朋友开过“全职奶爸”的玩笑。
"Is this because many if not most of them have been the primary caregiver of their children and held a full- or part-time job?" he wonders. "Is it because, on average, a man's sense of self is more deeply embedded in his career or earning power?"
他问道，“难道是因为很多母亲──如果我们不说大多数母亲的话──一直都是家里为小孩付出更多的那个人，并且还同时做着一份全职或兼职的工作？”“或是因为，一般来讲，男人的自我感受更深地植根于他们的职业和赚钱能力之中？”
He felt this contrast earlier this year when he attended an open house at our daughter's school. Only a handful of fathers attended, and they all spent a good part of the time by themselves talking about their jobs. He found himself gravitating to the mothers.
今年早些时候，他在参加女儿学校组织的家庭招待会时就感受到了两性之间的这种差异。只有为数不多的爸爸参加了这次活动，他们大部分时间都在聚在一起对自己的工作高谈阔论。他发现自己身不由主地被妈妈们吸引了过去。
"The moms seemed more engaged in the event itself, more focused on chatting with teachers, viewing student work and touring the school, " Clay says, even though many of them hold jobs outside of the home. "It was a window into issues of gender identification and role playing."
克莱说，“妈妈们似乎对活动本身更为投入，她们更关心与老师们交流、欣赏学生作品和参观校园”，尽管她们中的很多人在家庭之外也有自己的工作。“这个窗口投射出了男性和女性对性别身份和所扮演角色的看法。”
After nearly three years as a stay-at-home dad, Clay also says that he has gained more confidence in his role and has fewer regrets. "I like being a househusband and a homemaker, " he says. "I enjoy folding clothes and mowing the lawn. I didn't realize that, as a result of this, I would start to think more deeply about how cultural stereotypes originate and, more interestingly, why some people are loath to challenge them."
在做了将近三年的全职爸爸后，克莱还说，对于他的角色，他已经收获了更多自信，也少了些踌躇。他表示，“我喜欢当‘家庭主夫’并料理家务”。“我喜欢叠衣服、给草坪除草。我以前并没有认识到，这段经历可以让我对文化固有观念是如何形成的以及为什么有些人会墨守成规开始进行更深入的思考。”
He has forged friendships with other stay-at-home parents. At the same time, he has come to appreciate the time and freedom. It has allowed him to focus on things he enjoys, including projects around the house, like repainting our kitchen and bathroom or replacing the faucet.
他还与其他全职家长建立起了友谊。与此同时，他也开始享受时光和自由。这让他有精力关注自己喜欢的事情，包括和房子相关的工程，比如重新粉刷我们的厨房和浴室、更换水龙头等。
"Nothing feels quite as right as plying a trade that I know inside and outside on my own house, " he says.
他说，“没有什么比经营自己家房前屋后的事儿更让人觉得心旷神怡了。”
These days, Clay's occasional doubts tend to revolve around whether he's "doing enough" and whether I "secretly resent" him.
这些天，克莱偶尔会纠结于是否他已经“做得足够多”以及是否我“暗自怨恨他”这两个问题。
Straight answer? I don't, although there have been moments when I have envied Clay's freedom. But I am also grateful for the tremendous amount of work he puts into our home and family, and I feel lucky that I have married a man who sees the big picture and supports my career.
我实事求是的回答是什么？我不怨恨他，尽管有一些时候，我深羡他的自由。但同时，我对他为家庭所付出的大量辛勤劳动心怀感激，并且对自己嫁给了这样一个能放眼全局、支持我事业的丈夫而深感幸运。
Life is a narrative, and we are editing as we go along. As circumstances change, we will adjust. We realize that the most important thing isn't what one of us is leaning into. It's that we remember that we can always lean on each other.
生活是故事，由我们在生命长河中慢慢书写。周围的环境在变，我们也在调整。我们认识到，最重要的事情并不是我们俩人中的谁投身于家庭谁投身于事业，而是我们知道我们永远都能互相依靠。
