评论
打印
Business
商业版块
Bartleby
巴托比专栏
The employee awards for 2024
2024员工大奖
Least accurate website photo. Best AI-washer. Let’s celebrate our winners.
最不准确网站照片，最佳AI灌水者。让我们为获奖者庆祝吧。
It’s that time of year again, when we celebrate our successes and gloss over our failures.
又到了一年中的这个时候，我们庆祝成功，粉饰失败。
For our 2024 employee awards we have all our classic categories, from team member of the year and newcomer of the year to the big one: employee of the year.
2024年员工奖项包含所有的经典类别，从年度团队成员和年度新人，到最大的奖项：年度员工。
As usual, the winner of that award will enjoy a weekend away in a location of our choosing.
与往常一样，年度员工奖的获奖者将在我们选择的地点享受一个周末的假期。
But first, we have taken on board last year’s criticisms that these awards have an overly traditional view of achievement.
但首先，我们已经接受了去年的批评，即这些奖项对成就的看法过于传统。
We are fully committed to inclusivity and have introduced several new categories this year to reflect the extraordinary range of contributions that all of you make.
我们完全致力于包容性，并在今年引入了几个新类别，力求反映所有人做出的各种贡献的范围之广。
Please join me in congratulating our debut winners.
请和我一起祝贺首次获奖者。
Most likely to make an irrelevant point.
最有可能提出不相关观点奖。
There was enormous competition in this category; several people who took part in the judging process ended up coming close to winning.
这个奖项的竞争非常激烈，几位参与评审的人最终都差点获奖。
But we’d like this to go to Violet.
但是我们希望这个奖颁给维奥莱特。
None of us could recall a discussion when she had not made a point; none of us could remember a time when that point was salient.
我们都想不起来有哪次讨论她没有提出观点，我们也都想不起来有哪次她提出的观点是切题的。
Least punctual colleague.
最不准时同事奖。
We used actual data to track arrivals in virtual meetings.
我们用实际数据来跟踪线上会议的出席情况。
We can see that Akshat arrives 12 minutes late on average, which is enough to earn him a commendation.
我们可以看到，阿克沙特平均迟到12分钟，这足以让他获得嘉奖。
But the winner is someone called Mandy, who did not turn up to a single meeting to which she was invited.
但是获奖者是一个叫曼迪的人，她没有出席任何一次被邀请的会议。
We are currently trying to work out who this person is and why no one has ever heard of her.
我们目前正在努力弄清楚这个人是谁，以及为什么从来没有人听说过她。
Least accurate website photo.
最不准确网站照片奖。
Again, a very hotly contested category.
同样，这是一个竞争非常激烈的奖项。
A few colleagues appear to be using their passport photos: they are doing themselves a disservice.
有几个同事似乎在用护照照片：他们这是在给自己帮倒忙。
But most people look younger, friendlier and more attractive than they actually are.
但是大多数人的照片看起来比真人更年轻、更友好、更漂亮帅气。
The prize in this category goes to Paul, who resembles a promising young novelist on the site and looks like a repeat offender in real life.
这个奖项颁给保罗，他在网站上看起来像一位前途无限的年轻小说家，而在现实生活中却像一个惯犯。
Most likely to nominate themselves for an award.
最有可能给自己提名奖。
This (self-nominated) category honours those who know the value of self-promotion and struggle with irony.
这个（自我提名的）奖项是为了表彰那些懂得自我推销的价值并与冷嘲热讽作斗争的人。
We think this category may well be a reliable guide to spotting our leaders of tomorrow.
我们认为这个奖项很可能是发现未来领导者的可靠指南。
So well done, Willem.
所以好样的，威廉。
Source of greatest uncertainty over what they actually do.
做事不确定性最强奖。
All of our senior leadership team received lots of nominations.
我们所有的高管团队都收到了很多提名。
So did the marketing and hr departments.
市场部和人力资源部也是。
But the clear winner is the strategy office.
但明显的赢家是战略办公室。
No other team received more nominations from its own members than this one, which is surely an achievement worth marking.
没有哪个团队比战略办公室收到更多来自其成员的提名，这无疑是一项值得纪念的成就。
Most disliked item of clothing worn by a co-worker.
同事穿的最讨厌衣服奖。
We can’t get any of you to answer the employee survey except through veiled threats.
除非通过隐晦的威胁，否则我们无法让你们任何人回答员工调查问题。
But give people permission to weigh in on how their colleagues dress and suddenly everyone has a view.
但是允许人们对同事的穿着发表意见后，突然之间每个人都有了看法。
Overly tight T-shirts, sweaters with holes in them, weirdly jaunty scarves, those terrible trousers: they all featured.
过于紧身的T恤、有破洞的毛衣、奇怪跳脱的围巾、难看的裤子：这些都被提到。
But in the end no one wanted to look beyond, or at, Bogdan’s shorts.
但最终没有人愿意去看除博丹的短裤之外的衣着，也没有人愿意再去看他的短裤。
Longest co-working relationship without conversation.
最长的无交流合作关系奖。
Sylvie and Edgar have been colleagues for 19 years and have recently only moved to nodding terms.
西尔维与埃德加共事了19年，最近才变成点头之交。
They are both gearing up to say “hello” to each other some time in 2032, and we’ll keep a very close eye on their progress.
他们都在为2032年某个时候互相说“你好”做准备，我们将密切关注他们的进展。
Well done, both of you.
好样的，你们两个。
Greatest cyber-security threat.
最大的网络安全威胁奖。
It’s not the Russians but Danny in the client-services team.
获奖者不是俄罗斯人，而是客服团队的丹尼。
He clicked on every single phishing email we sent last year in order to test your awareness of the risk of hacking.
他点击了我们去年为测试你们对黑客攻击的风险意识而发送的每一封网络诈骗邮件。
Out of curiosity we ended up sending him customised test messages, including one headlined “DANGER: This contains a virus” and another titled “For God’s sake, Danny, do not open this”—and he opened all of them.
出于好奇，我们最后给他发了定制的测试信息，其中一条信息的标题为“危险：包含病毒”，另一条的标题为“看在上帝的份上，丹尼，不要点开”，结果他还是点开了所有信息。
He has taken all our cyber-security courses and we don’t know what to do next.
他已经学习了所有的网络安全课程，我们不知道接下来还能怎么办。
Best piece of AI-washing.
最佳人工智能灌水奖。
We’re genuinely impressed by your efforts to shoehorn mentions of artificial intelligence into everything you do.
你们能把人工智能相关内容硬塞进所有工作里，我们对此真的刮目相看。
Product descriptions, marketing copy and strategic plans all overflow with exaggerated references and promises.
产品描述、营销文案、战略计划都充斥着言过其实的涉及人工智能的内容和承诺。
But we’d like to give this award to DAIsy for starting to sign her name like that.
但是我们想把这个奖颁给DAI西，因为她开始这样签名了。（注：黛西，把AI融入签名。）
Darwin Nú?ez bin-thrower of the year.
达尔文·努涅斯年度垃圾桶投手奖。（注：努涅斯是足球运动员，曾错失了很多进球机会。）
This award goes to the person who misses the bin most often when they toss stuff at it.
这个奖项颁给那个往垃圾桶扔东西时没扔进去的次数最多的人。
We’ve reviewed the footage and Mariano takes the prize.
我们已经回看了监控录像，马里亚诺获奖。
No matter what he is throwing or how close he is, his aim is off.
不管他扔的是什么，也不管他离得有多近，他都瞄不准。
He wins a bigger bin.
他赢得了一个更大的垃圾桶。
Least likely to succeed.
最不可能成功奖。
We were simply unable to make a decision on this award.
我们无法决定这个奖项归谁。
But the fact that so many of you were in with a shout says something.
但你们这么多人都有获奖的机会，这说明了一些问题。
Everyone here can have an impact, even if it is negative.
说明在座的所有人都能产生影响，即使是负面影响。
Congratulations, all!
恭喜所有人获奖！
