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Is Cutting Off Your Family Good Therapy?
与家人断绝关系是有益的心理治疗法吗？
As she struggled through her sophomore year in college, Zhenzhen spent hours in therapy, but it hadn’t addressed the central strain in her life: her parents.
珍珍在大学二年级时过得很艰难，她每次花好几个小时接受心理治疗，但这并没有解决她生活中的核心压力来源：她的父母。
They called her at her Midwestern campus again and again, badgering her to fulfill their expectations — to study business, and to return to China, marry a wealthy man and raise children near them, she said.
她在美国中西部的大学上学时，父母一次又一次地给她打电话到学校里，缠着她让她满足他们的期望，珍珍说他们的期望就是让她学习商学，回到中国，嫁给一个有钱人，并在他们身边生儿育女。
When she pushed back, her father screamed, she said, and her mother wept. The pressure made it hard to function, and Zhenzhen fended off thoughts of suicide.
她说，当她反抗时，父亲大吼大叫，母亲就在一旁流眼泪。压力使她难以正常生活，珍珍也不断地与自杀的念头做斗争。
But when she brought this dynamic up with her therapists, she said, “they would always stand by reconciliation, and ‘family is everything.’ They would always look at the problem from the parent’s lens.”
但是，当珍珍向治疗师说起这种家庭关系动态时，她说：“治疗师们总是支持与父母和解，而且说‘家人就是一切’。他们总是会从父母的角度来看问题。”
That’s when she discovered Patrick Teahan, a licensed social worker from Massachusetts with tousled hair and a massive YouTube following. Mr. Teahan’s videos introduced her to a new idea — that to heal from childhood trauma, it may be necessary to “go no contact” from abusive parents.
就在那时，珍珍发现了帕特里克·蒂汉，他是来自马萨诸塞州的有执照的社会工作者，头发蓬乱，在油管上有大量粉丝。蒂汉的视频向珍珍介绍了一个新的观点：要从童年创伤中痊愈，可能有必要与施加伤害的父母“断绝联系”。
Around half of Mr. Teahan’s clients restrict or sever ties with their families, which he describes as “brutally hard” but, when it is appropriate, deeply rewarding. On Mr. Teahan’s website, you can fill out a “Toxic Family Test,” which measures your family on a 100-point toxicity scale.
蒂汉有大约一半的客户限制或切断了与家人的联系，他形容这是“极其残酷和艰难的”，但如果做得恰当，也是非常有益的。在蒂汉的网站上，你可以填写一份“有毒家庭测试表”，该测试会用满分100分的毒性量表来衡量你的家庭。
You can access a webinar explaining how to write a “no-contact letter.” You can join his “Monthly Healing Community,” where clients support each other in the lonely endeavor of disconnecting from family.
你可以访问一个网络研讨会，其中解释了如何写一封“断绝关系告知信”。你可以加入他的“每月疗愈社区”，他的客户们在与家人断绝关系之后的孤独中相互扶持。
There is so little quantitative data about estrangement that it is difficult to say whether it is increasing. Research suggests that it is relatively common for people in their 20s to estrange themselves from a parent, more often a father, and that usually the rift is not permanent.
关于疏远家庭的定量数据非常少，因此很难说这种现象是否在增加。研究表明，20多岁的人与父母中的某一方（通常是父亲）疏远是相对常见的，而且这种裂痕通常不是永久的。
But promotion of estrangement as a therapeutic step is clearly on the rise, thanks mainly to social media. TikTok is coursing with first-person accounts from users who say cutoffs vastly improved their well-being.
但是，将疏远家庭作为治疗步骤的宣传显然正在增加，这主要是由于社交媒体。TikTok上有很多视频，用户们用第一人称描述与家人断交极大地改善了他们的健康状况。
Whether or not mental health clinicians should encourage this practice is hotly debated. There is no scientific evidence that separating from family is beneficial for the client, critics say; on the contrary, estranged children are likely to lose access to financial and emotional resources.
对于心理健康临床医生是否应该鼓励这种做法，存在激烈的争论。批评人士说，没有科学证据表明与家庭分离对客户有益；相反，与家庭疏远的孩子可能会失去获得经济和情感资源的机会。
And such cutoffs can also harm family members left behind, like siblings, grandchildren and aging parents. As they begin to organize online, some parents are scrutinizing those therapists who endorse cutoffs, arguing that they are violating foundational ethical principles.
而且这种切断联系的做法也会伤害被抛弃的家庭成员，比如兄弟姐妹、孙辈和年迈的父母。随着网上有组织地进行断亲，一些家长正在审查那些支持断绝关系的治疗师，认为他们违反了基本的道德原则。
Therapists are trained to avoid imposing their own views when clients contemplate major decisions, and to uphold the principle of non-maleficence, or doing no harm. And for the most part, they are taught to regard family relationships, even flawed ones, as an important part of a flourishing life.
治疗师在受训时被教导，在客户考虑重大决定时要避免向客户强加自己的观点，并坚持不伤害原则。并且通常，治疗师被教导要将家庭关系，即使是有缺陷的家庭关系，视为幸福生活的重要组成部分。
