评论
打印
A faint knocking punched through the music, and Lydia twisted the volume knob as loud as it would go. In a moment, Marilyn, knuckles smarting, opened the door and leaned in.
一阵微弱的敲门声混进音乐中，莉迪亚转动音量旋钮，开到最大。门外的玛丽琳把手都敲疼了，她无奈地推开门，伸进脑袋。
"Lydia. Lydia." When her daughter didn't turn around, Marilyn lifted the arm of the record player and the room went quiet, the record spinning helplessly beneath her hand. "That's better. How can you think with that on?" "It doesn't bother me."
“莉迪亚。莉迪亚。”见女儿没有转身，玛丽琳抬起唱针，房里安静下来，唱片无助地在她手下旋转，“这样好多了，开着音乐怎么思考问题？”“它不会打扰到我的。”
"Are you done with your homework already?" No answer. Marilyn pursed her lips. "You know, you shouldn't be listening to music if you haven't finished your schoolwork." Lydia picked at a hangnail. "I'll do it after dinner."
“你已经做完家庭作业了？”没有回答，玛丽琳撅撅嘴，“你知道，没完成家庭作业，不应该听音乐。”莉迪亚拽下手指上的一条倒刺：“我晚饭后再写。”
"Better to get started now, don't you think? Make sure you have time to finish it all and do a careful job?" Marilyn's face softened. "Sweetheart, I know high school may not feel important. But it's the foundation of the rest of your life."
“你不觉得现在就开始更好吗？这样时间更充裕，更不容易出错。”玛丽琳的表情柔和了一些，“亲爱的，我知道，你可能觉得高中不重要，但是，它是你将来的基础。”
She perched on the arm of Lydia's chair and stroked her daughter's hair. It was so crucial to make her understand, but she didn't know how. A quiver had crept into Marilyn's voice, but Lydia didn't notice. "Trust me. Please. Don't let your life slip away from you."
她坐在莉迪亚的椅子扶手上，摸着女儿的头发。让莉迪亚明白这些道理十分关键，但玛丽琳不知道怎么说，女儿才会明白，她的声音开始发颤，但莉迪亚没有发觉，“相信我，拜托，别让人生从你身旁溜走。”
Oh god, Lydia thought, not again. She blinked fiercely and focused on the corner of her desk, where some article her mother had clipped months ago still sat, furred now with dust.
噢，天哪，莉迪亚想，又开始了。她烦躁地眨着眼，盯着桌角，那里还放着她母亲几个月前帮她整理的剪报，现在已经布满了灰尘。
"Look at me." Marilyn cupped Lydia's chin in her hand and thought of all the things her own mother had never said to her, the things she had longed, her entire life, to hear. "You have your whole life in front of you. You can do anything you want."
“看着我，”玛丽琳握住莉迪亚的下巴，想起她自己的母亲从未对她说过的话，那是她一辈子都渴望听到的东西，“你的人生完全取决于你，你能做你想做的任何事。”
She paused, looking over Lydia's shoulder at the shelf crammed with books, the stethoscope atop the bookshelf, the neat mosaic of the periodic table. "When I'm dead, that's all I want you to remember."
她顿了顿，看看莉迪亚身后满当当的书架，以及书架上方挂着的听诊器和元素周期表，“等我死了以后，我只希望你记住这些。”
She meant: I love you. I love you. But her words sucked the breath from Lydia's lungs: When I'm dead.
她的意思是：我爱你。我爱你。但是，她的措辞让莉迪亚无法呼吸：等我死了。
All through that long-ago summer, she had thought her mother might really be dead, and those weeks and months had left a persistent, insistent ache in her chest, like a pulsing bruise.
多年前的那个夏天，她曾经真的以为她母亲已经死了，那几周和那几个月在她心里留下难以愈合的创伤。
She had promised: anything her mother wanted. Anything at all. As long as her mother stayed.
她也已经暗自承诺：她要实现母亲的全部心愿，无论它是什么，只要母亲留在她的身边。
"I know, Mom," she said. "I know." She tugged her notebook from her bookbag. "I'll get started."
“我知道，妈妈，”她说，“我知道。”她用力从书包里拽出笔记本，“我现在就开始。”
"That's my girl." Marilyn kissed her on the head, right where her hair parted, and Lydia inhaled at last: shampoo, detergent, peppermint.
“好孩子。”玛丽琳亲亲她的额头，恰好是她的头路分开的地方，莉迪亚嗅了嗅母亲的味道：洗发水、洗涤剂和薄荷油的混合。
A scent she had known all her life, a scent that, every time she smelled it, she realized she had missed.
她生来便熟悉这个味道，每次闻见，都会产生一种眷恋之情。
She curled her arms around Marilyn's waist, pulling her close, so close she could feel her mother's heartbeat against her cheek.
她搂着玛丽琳的腰，让母亲紧靠着自己，以至于她的脸颊都能感觉到母亲的心跳。
"Enough of that," Marilyn said at last, swatting Lydia playfully on the behind. "Get to work. Supper will be ready in half an hour."
“行啦，”玛丽琳终于说，她戏谑地用力拍了拍女儿的背，“学习吧。晚饭半小时后上桌。”
All through dinner, the conversation with her mother writhed inside Lydia. She steeled herself with one thought: later, she would tell Nath all about it, and then she would feel better.
吃饭时与母亲的谈话令莉迪亚坐立不安。她只能安慰自己：过一会儿我要和纳谈谈，这样就会感觉好些。
She excused herself early, leaving half her plate untouched. "I've got to finish my physics," she said, knowing her mother wouldn't protest.
她提前离开饭桌，盘子里的菜还剩一半没有动。“我去写物理作业了。”她知道，这样说的话，母亲不会反对。
