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As someone who focuses on happiness a lot I often hear from people who really wanna push themselves: "How can I be as happy as possible?"
作为一个非常关注幸福的人，我经常听到一些很希望自我成长的人说：“我怎么才能最快乐呢？”
Or "How can I like, you know, perfect all the things that you talk about?"
或者“我如何才能完善你所提到的那些事情？”
And this is true not just in the domain of happiness: We are a species that constantly wants to improve ourselves.
这一点不仅仅只体现在幸福领域：我们是一个想要不断提升自我的物种。
Natural selection didn't want us to achieve some level and just stop and chill out and smell the roses.
自然选择不想让我们在达到某个水平后就停下来，躺平，去闻闻花香。
We want to perfect ourselves and our natural instincts to do more, more, more might be being exacerbated by the modern environment.
我们想让自己更完美，以及想要做的更多、更多的自然本能在现代环境中被进一步加深了。
We have so many comparison points and so many domains in which we could excel: From how you look, to how well you cook, to whether or not you can like solve a Rubik's cube really fast.
如今存在着太多的比较点，还有很多领域可以超越：从外貌、厨艺，到你是否能够快速解开魔方这样的事情。
You know, you just look on the internet and you get lots of information that you're not doing as well as you think.
去网络上查一查，有很多信息会让你知道你做的并不像自以为的那么好。
As somebody who works with Ivy League undergrads that are constantly pushing themselves, I see this strive to be perfect all the time.
作为一个和常青藤盟校的学生一起工作的人，我看到他们一直在努力做到完美。
I can't tell you how many times I talk to these amazing students who are 19 and have gotten to one of the best schools in the world, and they feel like they're not doing enough.
有很多次，我和这些19岁的优秀学生交谈，他们已经进入了世界上最好的学校之一，却觉得自己做得不够。
They feel like they're not achieving enough.
他们觉得自己做得还不够。
And so, I think this is something that we can all fall prey to, even when we're objectively doing great; there can be this constant push to do more, more, more.
所以，我觉得我们所有人都可能掉入这个陷阱，即使我们其实做得很好；人们会不断地推着自己去做更多、更多、更多的事情。
And I think a lot of us, especially when it comes to improving our well-being, assume that that's the path to flourishing, that's the path to feeling better.
我们很多人，特别是当涉及到改善我们的幸福感时，认为只有这样才能通往辉煌，才能让我们感觉更好。
But the research shows that sometimes we might wanna do less.
但研究表明，有时我们可能想要少做点。
We might wanna allow and engage with more of our negative emotions.
我们可能想要允许和容纳更多的负面情绪。
We might wanna have more free time at the expense of all the promotions that we're doing at work.
我们可能想要有更多的自由时间，以牺牲升职加薪为代价。
Sometimes we can feel happier by doing less.
有时候我们可以少做点，让自己更幸福。
This push for more, more, more and being better, better, better, has two impacts: One is, I think it collectively hurts our societal well-being.
这种想要做的更多和变得更好的动力会产生两种影响：一是，我觉得它会伤害我们的社会福利。
You know, being in this kind of meritocracy where we could all be the best of the best if we keep competing with one another and fighting ourselves, that doesn't lead to a great society.
在这种任人唯贤的社会中，如果我们不断地相互竞争，相互斗争，我们都可以成为精英中的精英，但这不会产生一个伟大的社会。
It leads to a very individualist society where we're all selfishly looking out for ourselves.
它只会产生一个非常个人主义的社会，我们都只会自私自利。
It doesn't lead for the kind of collective harmony and the kind of collective goodwill that we want as a society.
它不会带来我们想要的那种集体和谐和集体善意。
But it has a second bad impact, which is that I think it negatively impacts our own happiness.
但它还有第二个负面影响，我认为它会对我们自己的幸福产生负面影响。
The evidence really suggests that our well-being seems to come from being other-oriented, from extending compassion to other people and to ourselves.
确实有证据表明，我们的幸福似乎来自于以他人为导向，来自于对他人和自己的共情。
Pushing ourselves endlessly, like this sort of horrible drill instructor is not a great recipe for our own improved happiness either.
无休止地强迫自己，就像可怕的教练那样，并不是提高我们幸福感的好方法。
One of the best ways to address this sort of push, push, push culture internally and how it's affecting our own happiness, is to engage with a little bit of self-compassion.
解决这种内在动力以及它对我们的幸福感产生的影响的最佳方法之一，就是一点点自我共情。
There's lots of evidence from the researcher Kristin Neff at UT Austin that engaging in self-compassion can allow us to perform better, but not to try to perform in ways where we're perfect, perfect all the time.
德克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校的研究人员克里斯廷·内夫有很多证据表明，自我共情可以让我们表现得更好，但不会以时时刻刻都要完美的方式去表现。
Neff defines 'self-compassion' as engaging in three different parts: Having a sense of mindfulness.
内夫将“自我共情”定义为参与三个不同的部分：拥有专注感。
You're noticing what this kind of constant striving is doing to you is doing to your well-being.
你会注意到这种持续的努力对你的影响，对你的幸福感的影响。
There's a sense of what she calls 'common humanity' which is recognizing you're only human- you're not gonna be perfect all the time, you're not gonna be great at everything.
有一种她称之为“共同人性”的感觉，即认识到你只是一个人--你不可能一直完美，你不可能在每件事上都很出色。
But there's a final component which she calls 'self-kindness,' which is treating yourself like a friend.
但还有最后一部分，她称之为“自我仁慈”，也就是像对待朋友一样对待自己。
And that doesn't mean letting yourself off the hook having no ambition whatsoever, but it means having realistic ambition that you kind of push yourself, but you push yourself in a kind and often curious way.
这并不是说让你摆脱困境，没有任何斗志，而是说你的目标要足够现实，你要努力，但会以一种善意的、通常是好奇的方式去推动自己。
Recognizing your limits.
要认识到自己的极限。
Neff finds that the act of engaging in more self-compassion, perhaps ironically, causes us to perform better.
内夫发现，更多的自我共情会让我们表现得更好，也许这比较讽刺。
We're less likely to procrastinate because we're not beating ourselves up all the time.
我们不会一直拖延，因为我们没有一直责备自己。
It's also a recipe for improving your resilience so that if something bad does come up you wind up being healthier over time.
这也是一个提高你的适应力的方法，这样即便有不好的事情发生，随着时间的推移，你会变得更健康。
She even finds that it's a way to reduce the kind of post-traumatic stress disorder that can come from really awful circumstances.
她甚至发现，这是一种减少创伤后应激障碍的方法，这种障碍可能来自非常糟糕的环境。
And so this act of treating ourselves with some self-compassion, ironically, is a path towards performing better, not worse.
所以，讽刺的是，这种用自我共情来对待自己的行为，反而会让我们表现得更好而不是更差。
We need to embrace not this kind of drill sergeant metaphor of motivating ourselves, but motivating ourselves like we might motivate a friend or someone we really care about.
我们不应该用教官来激励自己，而应该像激励朋友或我们真正关心的人那样激励自己。
Even if we're committed to engaging with self-compassion ourselves, it can be hard to be in a society that's like hustle culture all the time.
即使我们致力于自我共情，也很难生活在一个一直充斥着忙碌文化的社会中。
And I think one of the first kind of ways that you can deal with that is to recognize that that's true.
我认为应对这种情况的第一种方法就是承认它是真实的。
Recognize that when you looked on LinkedIn, when you look on social media, you're gonna see people who are push, push, pushing- but that that doesn't necessarily lead to their happiness.
要承认，当你在领英上，在社交媒体上，会看到人们在不断地自我推进--但这并不一定能让他们幸福。
So I think one of the ways to fight the hustle culture that we experience across society is to remember that it's a myth, right?
所以我认为对抗社会上的忙碌文化的方法之一就是记住它是一个神话，对吧?
Pushing ourselves endlessly trying to achieve perfection- which is impossible- it's not gonna make us feel as good as I think the advertisements really suggest.
不断地逼迫自己，试图达到完美--完美是不可能的--这并不能让我们觉得自己真的像广告暗示的那样好。
It's gonna wind up being a hindrance to our well-being much more than we expect.
它最终会严重阻碍我们的幸福生活，远超我们的想象。
We all can get swept up in this culture of wanting to do more.
我们都可能被这种想要做得更多的文化所淹没。
And so if you're feeling like, "Ah, I wanna be kind to myself, but I really don't wanna let go of the ambition;" one thing to recognize is that giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, treating yourself like a friend is the way to perform better.
所以，如果你觉得，“啊，我想对自己好一点，但我真的不想放弃野心；”你要认识到的一件事是，让自己感受到怀疑的好处，把自己当成朋友，这样才能表现得更好。
Once you know that you can kind of engage with self-kindness with a little bit more confidence.
一旦认识到了这一点，你就可以更自信地对待自己。
Another thing to remember is that this culture of hustle, hustle, hustle often winds up putting us in an individualist mindset.
另一点要记住的是，这种忙碌、忙碌、忙碌的文化往往会让我们陷入个人主义的心态。
And everything we know about happiness suggests that happiness is really other-oriented.
基于我们对幸福的一切了解，幸福其实是与他人挂钩的。
So if you can get out of the mindset of doing for me, me, me, and focus on other people, it can be a way to achieve a little bit more happiness to break that hustle culture mindset, and happier people tend to perform better.
所以，如果你能摆脱为我、为自己而做的心态，把注意力放到别人身上，你或许能获得更多幸福，打破这种忙碌文化的心态，而更快乐的人往往表现得更好。
I think a final way of getting out of that hustle culture mindset is to take steps back, and to experience a little bit of gratitude.
摆脱这种忙碌文化心态的最后一个方法是后退一步，去体验感恩。
Really take time to smell the roses.
花点时间，去闻闻花香。
Often our hustle culture is about sort of speeding onto the next thing, right?
忙碌文化让我们总在匆忙赶往下一件事，对吧？
That next mountain or peak that we're trying to go over.
前往下一座想要翻越的山峰或顶峰。
And so that moment of gratitude, that moment of awareness can sometimes break you out of that mindset of doing more, more, more-to notice how far you've come, and what you've achieved so far.
所以那感恩的一刻，那专注的一刻，有时可以帮你打破那种想要做的更多的心态--去关注你已经走了多远，以及你已经得到的成就。
