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Modern societies are pretty much in agreement on this score:
现代社会在这一点上几乎是一致的:
having children is one of the most meaningful and delightful moves anyone can make.
生孩子是每个人都能做的最有意义和最快乐的事情之一。
Couples who do not – for whatever reason – have children tend to be automatically almost universally pitied and are assumed to have been denied the chance to have offspring by biology.
不管出于什么原因，没有孩子的夫妇往往会自动地普遍地受到同情，并被从生物学上认为没有生育孩子的机会。
That one might freely choose not to have children, and yet be reasonably content with one’s choice, remains one of the most disturbing and unfathomed of all modern positions.
一个人可以自由地选择不生孩子，但又对自己的选择相当满意，这仍然是所有现代观点中最令人不安和不解的观点之一。
The basic dynamics of whether or not to have children follow the very same pattern that we see across a range of other so-called great choices in emotional life:
是否要孩子的基本动态遵循着我们在情感生活中看到的一系列其他所谓的伟大选择的相同模式:
whether or not to get married, whether or not to stay faithful, whether to follow the path of reason or the calls of the heart…
是否要结婚，是否要保持忠诚，是否要遵循理性的道路还是内心的呼唤……
We observe a very strong desire to try to identify the ‘right’ choice accompanied by a frighteningly utopian belief that, once this choice has been located, we will be able to flourish and find peace.
我们观察到一种非常强烈的愿望，试图确定“正确”的选择，同时伴随着一种可怕的乌托邦式的信念，即一旦确定了这种选择，我们就能够繁荣并找到和平。
But the reality is very different, much more sombre and more interesting:
但现实是非常不同的，更灰暗，也更有趣:
the large dilemmas of emotional life generally have no ‘answer’ in the sense of a response that doesn’t – somewhere along the line – entail a great loss and an element of extraordinary sacrifice.
情感生活中的大困境通常没有“答案”，在某种意义上说，这种回应不需要——在某些方面——承担巨大的损失和非凡的牺牲。
Whatever we choose will, in this sense, be wrong, and leave us regretting some features of the choices we did not make.
从这个意义上说，无论我们选择什么，都会是错误的，并使我们对我们没有做出的选择的某些特征感到遗憾。
There is no such thing as a cost-free choice, a line of argument which continues (oddly) to create surprise in contemporary life.
没有不花钱的选择，这一论点在当代生活中(奇怪地)不断地创造着惊喜。
Making a good choice simply involves focusing on what variety of suffering we are best suited to – rather than aiming with utopian zeal to try to avoid grief and regret altogether.
要做出一个好的选择，只需关注我们最适合的苦难种类，而不是用乌托邦式的热情试图避免悲伤和遗憾。
Consider, for example, the varieties of suffering that are on offer on both sides of the faithful/unfaithful ledger:both options will at moments be very miserable,
例如，考虑一下忠实/不忠实两种分类账所提供的各种痛苦:这两种选择在某些时刻都会非常痛苦，
so – when weighing up how to lead our lives – we should work on knowing as much as possible about our specific taste in misery.
所以，当我们在权衡如何生活时，我们应该尽可能多地了解我们对痛苦的特殊体会。
Let's look at a table; Monogamy: the Misery, a Sense of Confinement, a Correct impression that ‘life is elsewhere’, Irritability, Narrow horizons, Sexual abandonment,
让我们看一个表格; 一夫一妻制:痛苦、禁闭感、“生活在别处”的正确印象、易怒、视野狭窄、性抛弃、
What about on the other side: Mulitple partners. What will be the misery there?
那另一边呢:有多个伴侣呢。 那里会有什么痛苦呢?
There will be chaos, angry ex's, loneliness long term, Damaged children, Guilt.
会有混乱，愤怒的前任，长期的孤独，受伤的孩子，内疚。
The very same kind of trade-offs exist over the question of children.
同样的权衡也存在于孩子的问题上。
No honest experience of parenting is complete without an intermittent very strong impression that in some ways children are both the meaning of one’s life and the cause of the ruin of one’s life.
没有一个诚实的育儿经验是完整的，没有一个间歇性的非常强烈的印象，在某些方面，孩子既是一个人生命的意义，也是一个人生命的毁灭的原因。
Children: the Misery Disappointment with oneself as a parent, Disappointment with how they turn out, Guilt, exhaustion, lost opportunity, Sense of perpetuating human suffering, House sticky everywhere.
有孩子:对自己作为父母的痛苦和失望，对自己的结果失望，内疚，疲惫，失去机会，对人类痛苦的延续感，房子到处都是黏糊糊的。
What about no Children: What's the Misery there?
没有孩子怎么样呢: 痛苦是什么呢?
Society’s constant message that one has‘missed out’ Loneliness/boredom Lack of constant distraction/calls on one’s time…
社会不断传递的信息是，一个人已经“错过了”孤独/无聊缺乏持续的分心/呼叫某人的时间……
Sentimental longing for comfort of children by the time one reaches the nursing home.
当人们到达疗养院时，对孩子们舒适的情感渴望。
The insight that all choices are, in a sense, hellish, was best expressed by the early 19th century Danish Existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard,
19世纪早期，丹麦存在主义哲学家索伦·克尔凯郭尔对所有选择在某种意义上都是地狱般的观点表达得最淋漓尽致。
who summed up our options in a playful, but bleakly realistic and exasperated outburst in his masterpiece, "Either/Or":
他在自己的杰作《非此即彼》中，以一种戏谑的、但现实的、愤怒的方式总结了我们的选择:
“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way.
“结婚吧，你会后悔的; 不结婚，你也会后悔; 不管结婚还是不结婚，你都会后悔的。
Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both.
嘲笑世界的愚蠢，你会后悔; 为之哭泣，你也会后悔的; 嘲笑这个世界的愚蠢或为它哭泣，你怎么都会都后悔的。
Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it…
相信女人，你会后悔的; 不相信她，你也会后悔的。
Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too;
自缢，你会后悔; 不自缢，你也会后悔的;
hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both.
自缢或不自缢，你都会后悔的; 不管你自缢还是自缢，你都会后悔的。
This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”
先生们，这就是一切哲学的精髓。”
We deserve pity – as does everyone else.
我们值得同情——就像其他人一样。
We will make disastrous decisions, we will form mistaken relationships, we will embark on misguided careers,
我们会做出灾难性的决定，我们会建立错误的关系，我们会走上歧途，
we will invest our savings foolishly, we will spend years on friendships with unreliable idiots – and we will get it mostly wrong around children.
我们会愚蠢地用我们的积蓄进行投资，我们会把多年的时间花在与不可靠的傻瓜交朋友上——而且在对待孩子时，我们的态度大多是错误的。
But we can we be consoled by a bitter truth: there are no painless options, for the conditions of existence are intrinsically rather than accidentally frustrating.
但一个苦涩的事实可以安慰我们:没有没有痛苦的选择，因为存在的条件本身是令人沮丧的，而不是偶然的。
We can’t get through the tunnel of life without a mauling.
我们不受伤害就无法穿越生命的隧道。
For those of us contemplating whether or not to have children, the message is dark but consoling in its bleakness:
对于我们这些正在考虑是否要孩子的人来说，这个消息是阴暗的，但在它的凄凉中令人宽慰:
you will be at points very unhappy whatever you choose.
无论你选择什么，你都会在某些时候非常不开心。
With either option, you will feel that you have ruined your life – and you will be correct.
无论选择哪一种，你都会觉得自己毁了自己的生活——而且你是对的。
We do not need to add to our misery by insisting that there would have been another, better way.
我们没有必要坚持认为会有另一种更好的方式，从而增加自己的痛苦。
There is, curiously, relief to be found in the knowledge of the inevitability of suffering.
奇怪的是，当我们知道痛苦是不可避免的，我们就会感到一种解脱。
It is, in the end, never darkness that dooms us, but the wrong sort of hope in that most cruel of fantasies: ‘the right choice’.
最终，并不是黑暗毁灭了我们，而是最残酷幻想中错误的希望:“正确的选择”毁灭了我们。
