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My name is Canwen, and I play both the piano and the violin.
我叫Canwen，我会两种乐器，小提琴和钢琴。
I aspire to some day be a doctor, and my favorite subject is calculus.
我梦想成为一名医生，最喜欢的科目是微积分。
My mom and dad are tiger parents, who won't let me go to sleepovers,
我有虎爸和虎妈，他们不允许我到朋友家过夜，
but they make up for it by serving my favorite meal every single day. Rice.
但是为了补偿我，他们每天都煮我最爱的食物--米饭。
And I'm a really bad driver. So my question for you now is, "How long did it take you to figure out I was joking?"
另外，我很不会开车。所以我的问题是，“你们花多久时间才发现我刚刚是在开玩笑？”
As you've probably guessed, today I am going to talk about race and I'll start off by sharing with you my story of growing up Asian-American.
你们可能会猜到今天我要谈的是种族议题，我就从分享自己以亚裔美国人身份成长的故事开始。
I moved to the United States when I was two years old, so almost my entire life has been a blend of two cultures.
两岁的时候，我搬到了美国，所以我的人生就是两种不同文化的融合。
I eat pasta with chopsticks. I'm addicted to orange chicken, and my childhood hero was Yao Ming.
我用筷子吃意大利面。我对陈皮鸡爱不释手，而我的童年英雄是姚明。
But having grown up in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Idaho, all states with incredible little racial diversity,
但在南、北达科他州和爱荷达州这些几乎没有多元种族的地方成长，
it was difficult to reconcile my so-called exotic Chinese heritage with my mainstream American self.
我很难把所谓中国血统的身份与内心是美国人的身份结合。
Used to being the only Asian in the room, I was self-conscious at the first thing people noticed about me was, that I wasn't white.
身为当时唯一的亚洲人，我发现人们注意到我的第一件事就是我不是白人。
And as a child I quickly began to realize that I had two options in front of me.
而当我还小的时候，我很快地理解到我面临两种选择。
Conformed to the stereotype that was expected of me, or conformed to the whiteness that surrounded me. There was no in between.
要不表现得像大家刻板印象中的亚洲人一样，要不就是表现得和我身边的白人朋友们一样。除此之外别无其他。
For me, this meant that I always felt self-conscious about being good at maths,
对我来说，这意味着我的数学很好是应该的，
because people would just say it was because I was Asian, not because I actually worked hard.
因为人们觉得亚洲人本该如此，而不是因为我用功。
It meant that whenever a boy asked me out, it was because he had the yellow fever, and not because he actually liked me.
这也意味着当有男生约我出去时，只是因为他想搞上黄种人，而非真正喜欢我。
It meant that for the longest time my identity had formed around the fact that I was different.
这意味着有好长一段时间我的身份必须迎合那些认为我“与众不同”的人。
And I thought that being Asian was the only special thing about me.
而我认为身为亚洲人是我唯一的特别之处。
These effects were emphasized by the places where I lived. Don't get me wrong.
我所居住的地方加深了这些事情对我的影响。请不要误会。
Only a small percentage of people were actually racist, or, even borderline racist, but the vast majority were just a little bit clueless.
其中只有一小部分的人是真正的种族歧视者，或是几近种族歧视者，大多数的人只是有一些些无知。
Now, I know you are probably thinking, "What's the difference?"
我想你可能在想，“这有什么差别吗？”
Well, here is an example. Not racist can sound like, "I'm white and you're not."
好，我来举个例子。非种族歧视者会说，“我是白人，而你不是。”
Racist can sound like, "I'm white, you're not, and that makes me better than you."
而种族歧视者会说，“我是白人，而你不是，这就是为何我比你高贵。”
But clueless sounds like, "I'm white, you're not, and I don't know how to deal with that."
但是无知的人通常会说“我是白人，你不是，我不知道怎么办。”
Now, I don't doubt for a second that these clueless people are still nice individuals with great intentions.
现在，我完全相信这些无知的人其实是很善良的好人。
But they do ask some questions that become pretty annoying after a while. Here are a few examples.
但是有时候他们会问一些令人困扰的问题。我来举几个例子。
"You're Chinese, oh my goodness, I have a Chinese friend, do you know him?"
“天啊，你是中国人！我也有个中国朋友，你认识他吗？”
"No. I don't know him. Because contrary to your unrealistic expectations,
“不，我不认识。对于你那不切实际的期待，
I do not know every single one of the 1.35 billion Chinese people who live on Planet Earth."
很可惜在居住着13亿5千万中国人的地球上我不是每个人都认识。”
People also tend to ask, "Where does your name come from?", and I really don't know how to answer that, so I usually stick with the truth.
人们还会问“你的名字怎么来的？”而我真的不知道该如何回答，所以我通常据实以报。
"My parents gave it to me. Where does your name come from?"
“我的父母帮我取的。所以你们的名字怎么来的？”
Don't even get me started on how many times people have confused me with a different Asian person.
更别说人们常常搞错我和其他亚洲人。
One time someone came up to me and said, "Angie, I love your art work!"
有一次，有个人直接过来跟我说，“安琪，我太爱你的作品了！”
And I was super confused, so I just thanked them and walked away.
我超级困惑，所以我只有说声谢谢后就快步离开。
But, out of all the questions my favorite one is still the classic, "Where are you from?",
但是，在这些常见的问题里，我最喜欢的仍然是最经典的那句，“你来自哪里？”
because I've lived in quite a few places, so this is how the conversation usually goes.
因为我曾住过好几个不同的地方，所以对话通常像这样。
"Where are you from?" "Oh, I am from Boise, Idaho."
“你来自哪里？”“喔，我来自爱荷达州的波夕。”
"I see, but where are you really from?"
“好的，但我是问你真正来自哪里？”
"I mean, I lived in South Dakota for a while."
“噢，我曾在南达科他州住过一阵子。”
"Okay, what about before that?"
“喔喔，在那之前呢？”
"I mean, I lived in North Dakota."
“北达科他州。”
"Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here, I guess what I'm saying is,
“好吧，我想我直接切入重点好了，我想知道的是，
have you ever lived anywhere far away from here, where people talk a little differently?"
你有没有曾经住在离这里很远很远，且说着不同语言的地方？”
"Oh, I know where you talking about, yes I have, I used to live in Texas."
“哦，我懂你在说什么了，没错，我以前住在德州。”
By then, they usually have just given up and wonder to themselves why I'm not one of the cool Asians
此时，他们通常会就此放弃，然后开始想为什么我不像那些很酷的亚洲人，
like Jeremy Lin or Jackie Chan, or they skip the needless banter and go straight for the, "Where is your family from?"
像是林书豪、成龙或者他们跳过不必要的对话直接切入重点问：“你的家庭来自哪里？”
So, just an FYI for all of you out there, that is the safest strategy.
所以给你们参考参考，这是最保险的问法。
But, as amusing as these interactions were, oftentimes they made me want to reject my own culture, because I thought it helped me conform.
但是这些搞笑的互动，常常让我想要排斥我本身的文化，因为我认为这样能让我跟大家一样。
I distanced myself from the Asian stereotype as much as possible, by degrading my own race, and pretending I hated math.
我尽可能的通过贬低我的种族，来摆脱我跟刻板印象亚洲人的关系，并且假装我讨厌数学。
And the worse part was, it worked.
但是最糟的是，我成功了。
The more I rejected my Chinese identity, the more popular I became.
我越抗拒我的华人身份，我就会变得越受欢迎。
My peers liked me more, because I was more similar to them.
我表现得像我的同侪，于是他们变得更喜欢我。
I became more confident, because I knew I was more similar to them.
我变得更加自信，因为我知道我和他们愈来愈相似。
But as I became more Americanized, I also began to lose bits and pieces of myself, parts of me that I can never get back,
但是当我变得更“美”化，我同时也在一点一滴地迷失自己，有部分的我再也回不来了，
and no matter how much I tried to pretend that I was the same as my American classmates, I wasn't.
无论我再怎么假装我和那些美国同学没有不同，我和他们仍然不一样。
Because for people who have lived in the places where I lived, white is the norm, and for me, white became the norm too.
因为在我住的地方，白人是种标准，而我也渐渐受到影响。
For my fourteenth birthday, I received the video game The Sims 3, which lets you create your own characters and control their lives.
14岁生日时我得到了“模拟市民3”的电玩，你可以创造自己的角色，并且控制他们的生活。
My fourteen-year-old self created the perfect little mainstream family, complete with a huge mansion and an enormous swimming pool.
14岁的我，创建了标准的完美小家庭，有着一栋大豪宅，还有大游泳池。
I binge-played the game for about three months,
我沉迷于这个游戏大约三个月，
then put it away and never really thought about it again, until a few weeks ago, when I came to a sudden realization.
之后就再也没玩过，也没有再去想过它，直到前几个礼拜我突然想了起来。
The family, that I had custom-designed, was white.
那个我所创造的家庭，角色是白人。
The character that I had designed for myself, was white. Everyone I had designed was white.
我所创造的自己是白人。我创造的每一个人都是白人。
And the worst part was, this was by no means a conscious decision that I had made.
而且最糟的是，这是我无意识的举动。
Never once did I think to myself that I could actually make the characters look like me.
那时我从来没有想过，其实我可以把角色设计得和我一样。
Without even thinking, white had become my norm too.
白人在我眼里很自然地变成一种标准。
The truth is, Asian Americans play a strange role in the American melting pot. We are the model minority.
事实上亚裔美国人在美国的多元文化里扮演着一种奇怪的角色。我们是模范少数族群。
Society uses our success to pit us against other people of color as justification that racism doesn't exist.
社会拿我们的成功和其他种族较劲，以此表示种族歧视并不存在。
But was does that mean for us, Asian Americans?
但那对亚裔美国人来说意味着什么？
It means that we are not quite similar enough to be accepted, but we aren't different enough to be loathed.
那意味着我们还未相似到能被接受，但也没有不同到被厌恶的程度。
We are in a perpetually grey zone, and society isn't quite sure what to do with us.
我们永远处于一个灰色地带，而且社会也不太确定该怎么办才好。
So they group us by the color of our skin.
所以他们用肤色来区分我们。
They tell us that we must reject our own heritages, so we can fit in with the crowd.
他们说我们必须摒弃自己的传统来融入群体中。
They tell us that our foreignness is the only identifying characteristic of us.
他们说我们的异国长相是我们唯一的特征。
They strip away our identities one by one, until we are foreign, but not quite foreign,
他们一个一个地剥夺我们的特征，直到我们是外国人但又不怎么像外国人，
American but not quite American, individual, but only when there are no other people from our native country around.
是美国人却也不怎么像美国人，我们是独立的个体，但只有在身边没有相同种族的人时才成立。
I wish that I had always had the courage to speak out about these issues.
我希望我之前有勇气讲出这些问题。
But coming from one culture that avoids confrontation, and another that is divided over race,
但来自一个尽量避免冲突和一个根据种族进行划分的文化背景，
how do I overcome the pressure to keep the peace, while also staying true to who I am?
我要怎么克服这些压力来维持平和，而同时也可以保有真正的自己？
And as much as I hate to admit it, often times I don't speak out,
虽然我不想承认，但很多时候我不会出声，
because, if I do, it's at the the risk of being told that I am too sensitive,
因为如果我说了，别人可能会说我太过敏感，
or that I get offended too easily, or that it's just not worth it.
或是说我很容易动气，或是那根本不值得。
But I would point, are people willing to admit that?
但我想说的是，人们会愿意承认这点吗？
Yes, race issues are controversial. But that's precisely the reason why we need to talk about them.
对，种族问题是有争议性。但这正是我们该正视它的原因。
I just turned eighteen, and there are still so many things that I don't know about the world.
我才刚满18岁，世界上还有很多我不知道的事。
But what I do know is that it's hard to admit that you might be part of the problem, that, all of us might be part of the problem.
但我知道的是，你很难承认自己可能就是问题本身，我们都有可能就是问题本身。
So, instead of giving you a step-by-step guide on how to not be racist towards Asians, I will let you decide what to take from this talk.
因此，与其一步一步指导你们如何不对亚洲人产生偏见，不如让你们自行决定从我的演讲中得到什么。
All I can do, is share my story. My name is Canwen, my favorite color is purple.
我所能做的就是分享我的故事。我是Canwen，最喜欢的颜色是紫色。
And I play the piano, but not so much the violin.
我会弹钢琴，但不太擅长拉小提琴。
I have two incredibly supportive, hardworking parents, and one very awesome ten-year-old brother.
我有一对非常支持我以及认真工作的父母，还有一个很棒的十岁弟弟我。
I love calculus more than anything, despise eating rice, and I'm a horrendous driver.
喜爱微积分胜过一切，我不喜欢吃饭，我的开车技术很可怕。
But most of all, I am proud of who I am.
但最重要的是，我为我的身份感到骄傲。
A little bit American, a little bit Chinese, and a whole lot of both. Thank you.
为身为部分美国人而骄傲，为身为部分华人而骄傲，以及为两者兼具感到更加骄傲。谢谢各位。
