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This is a problem with children, with other people who aren't children (adults) - a lot of kids like to say bad words. I say bad words.
孩子和成人还有一个问题——很多孩子喜欢说脏话。我也会说。
But you don't want your child to go to school and tell someone off or use bad words to children because it's not cool.
但是你并不希望自己孩子去学校责备别人或者对孩子说脏话，因为这样不好。
So, you can say to your child: 'Hey, hey, hey. Do you know what? Let's... let's please speak with respect to other people.
所以你可以跟你的孩子说：‘你知道吗？跟别人说话的时候要尊重对方。
You might be angry right now or you might have a problem, but bad words do not solve anything. Let's talk with respect and try and work out the problem.'
你可能当时很生气，但是说脏话并能解决问题。说话时要尊重对方，试着解决问题。’
It's the same in an office. If two office... If co-workers are going crazy, and they're... They're: 'Ah!'
在办公室也是一样。如果两个同事发生争吵，
They hate each other, they want to kill each other or there's a problem - don't use bad words because, again, that escalates into violence.
他们厌恶彼此，想杀了对方或是他们之间出现了问题——不要说脏话，因为这会使事情升级成暴力。
Oh, that's chaos. Not that bad, but it just has bad energy. So, try and get the person to use a calmer voice and talk about things.
这是一片混乱。还没那么糟糕，但是这也是负能量。所以试着让大家用更冷静的声音讨论。
This is really good for children because kids love to do this. I guess I'm a kid; I like to make a mess, too. So, kids like to make a mess.
这对孩子非常好，因为孩子喜欢这样。我猜我也是个孩子，我也喜欢制造混乱。所以孩子们喜欢制造混乱。
'Make a mess' means put things everywhere, get things dirty, colour on things, leave toys everywhere. Kids do this; it's natural.
‘Make a mess’指的是把东西到处乱放、随意作画、把玩具扔得到处都是。这是孩子的天性。
And you get angry because you have to clean it. But, hey, how about you get your kid to clean it?
你会生气是因为你得打扫。但是让你的孩子来整理怎么样？
How about you teach them how to be responsible with their things?
你来教教他们对自己的东西负责，怎么样？
So, instead of saying: 'Ah, you made a mess!' you can say: 'Woo! It looks like you had fun today. Let's clean it up now. I'll help you.'
所以不要说：‘你搞得一团糟！’你可以说：‘看来你今天玩得很开心。现在来整理一下吧。我会帮你的。’
Or: 'You'll clean this up and it'll be better.' You want to encourage the child to clean up his or her own mess.
或者：‘你把这个打扫一下会更好。’你希望孩子整理自己制造的混乱。
Not you; you're not the maid of your child. You want to teach the kid responsibility and how to do things for themselves; very important.
而不是让你来整理，你又不是孩子的佣人。你想教会孩子责任感，以及如何为自己做事，这一点非常重要。
Next one. Now, this is something that is very frustrating. You give people instructions at a job, in a classroom, or for anyone,
下一个。现在事情变得非常让人沮丧。你给了同事、学生或其他人一些指令，
and they do it wrong or they just don't do it, and you say: 'Oh my god. I already told you how to do this.
但他们还是做错了或是压根就没做，你说：‘天啊。我都已经告诉你要怎么做了。
Why didn't you do it the correct way? What's wrong with you?'
为什么还做不对呢？你是怎么了？’
So this shuts the person down; they will not want to do anything for you again.
这么说会让大家封闭自己，他们不会愿意帮你做任何事情了。
So, instead of saying this, you can say: 'Oh, do you know what?
所以不要这么说，你可以说：‘你知道吗？
Let me give you another example of how I want you to do this or how this could be done.'
我可以给你举个例子，告诉你我希望你怎么做或者可以怎么做。’
Maybe the person didn't really understand you, and that's why they didn't do it the way you wanted them to, or they're just being disrespectful.
或许他们没有真正理解，所以他们没能按照你的要求来做，又或者他们就是不懂尊重。
You always have to find out the proper situation first.
首先你一定要弄清楚属于哪种情况。
Is the person doing this because they just want to, or do they clearly not understand what's happened?
他这么做是因为他们就想这么做，还是他们没有弄明白呢？
If that's the case, give them another example, tell them again, help them. If you help them, they help you; it's a two-way street. This is a big one, too.
如果是没弄明白，你可以给他们举个例子，帮助他们。如果你帮助他们，他们也会帮助你的；这是双向的。这也很重要。
Now, people overreact all the time. And as I told you at the beginning: 'Relax. Oh my god. You're taking life too seriously.'
现在，人们总是反应过度。就像我在开头说的：‘放轻松，不要把生活看得太严肃。’
Well, everyone is entitled to their own emotions. If something makes you angry or something makes you sad, that's fine;
每个人都有权拥有自己的情感。如果某件事让你生气或悲伤，没关系；
those are your emotions, and you have the right to express them any way you want.
那些都是你的情感，你有权利以任何你想的方式表达它们。
But if you tell someone: 'You're overreacting! Relax! Calm down!' this makes the person sadder,
但是如果你告诉某人：‘你反应过度啦！放松！冷静！这会让他们更难过，
makes them cry more, or it makes them more angry. You don't want to do that. You want the person to relax, but without telling them.
让他们哭得更多，或者让他们更生气。你不希望这样。你想让他们放松，但没告诉他们。
So, you can say: 'Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry.' Maybe you give your child a task to do and they can't do it, say: 'Don't worry. Try it again. You can do it.'
所以你可以说：‘嗨，别担心。’或许你给孩子布置了一项任务，他们无法完成，你可以说：‘别担心。试一下。你可以的。’
You need to encourage children, you need to encourage people, if they fail to do it again, and again, and again,
你需要鼓励孩子们，你应该鼓励他们，如果他们一次又一次的失败了，
by this time, just give up. I mean, come on. They're never going to do it. But you need to tell them to at least try to do it. It's kind of like me and math.
这次就放弃吧。我是说，他们不可能成功了。但是你需要告诉他们，至少他们尝试过。就像我和数学一样。
I'm terrible in math, and I just gave up. Now I have a calculator. Yes. Thank you, cell phones. Math teachers, I don't need your help.
我数学很差，我就放弃了。现在我有计算器了。是的，谢谢你，手机。数学老师，我不需要你的帮助啦。
Another thing that we do because we understand more than a student, or more than a child,
因为我们比学生、孩子、员工懂得多，我们会说的另一些话是：
or maybe more than a worker is we tell people: 'What? It's not hard; it's easy. Come on. Why can't you do this?'
‘什么？又不难；很简单啊。拜托，你为什么做不到？’
So, this makes the person feel stupid. 'Oh my god. I can't do this.'
这会让别人觉得自己很蠢。‘天啊，我做不到。’
Especially children, if you say: 'Come on, you can... Why can't you do this?' the child feels like they don't want to try even.
尤其是对孩子，如果你说：‘拜托，你可以的......为什么你做不到？这会让孩子试都不想试了。
So, again, you're going to encourage them. Say: 'Do you know what? Oh, this is hard for you; that's okay. Let me help you. You can do it.'
所以你要鼓励他们，你要说：‘你知道吗？这对你来说很难；但没关系。让我来帮你。你可以的。
Again, when you encourage people, it makes them want to try the thing again.
当你在鼓励别人的时候，他们会再想尝试一下。
So, if you are a teacher in a classroom and you're having control issues with your class,
如果你是老师，你管不好学生，
or if you are a mother or a father or a babysitter or you have kids around you and you need them to follow your instructions and respect you,
或者你是一名母亲或父亲等等，孩子们乱跑，你需要他们遵照你的指令并尊重你，
if you're a boss at a job or a manager and the employees aren't working well together - I want you to examine yourself.
如果你是老板或经历，你的员工合作不好——我希望你能审视一下你自己。
I want you to look to see if you are a good leader; if you are using language that actually encourages people or most of the time
我希望你们审视一下自己是不是一个好领导，是否使用的是鼓励大家的措辞
-and I do this, too-we use language that makes people close up and not want to help.
——我也会这么做——我们使用的措辞让大家封闭自己，不想要帮助。
So, take a look at yourself, and then you can help the people that need your guidance.
所以看看自己，然后帮助那些需要你引导的人。
This is all the tips I have for today. Go out, have fun at work, and encourage people to be good. Don't be evil.
这就是我今天要讲的所有技巧。走出去，在工作中享受乐趣，鼓励人们做个好人，不作恶人。
