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Thank you so much. I love each and every single one of you.
非常感谢大家 我爱你们所有人
But if I so much as hear a sniffle or a sneeze, you're out of here.
但要是让我听到打喷嚏或抽鼻子的声音 那你们就该走人了
Obviously all anybody is talking about is the coronavirus.
很明显 大家都在讨论冠状病毒
And as we know, it's important to stay home if you're feeling sick.
我们知道 如果你感觉不舒服那就别出门了
This is totally unrelated to anything but, Mary, how are you feeling?
这无关任何歧视 不过 Mary 你感觉怎么样？
Oh, my God, where is she? She's not here today. She's not here?
哦 天哪 她人呢？她今天不在 她没来吗？
Home. She's home. She's not feeling well. I knew she wasn't.
家里 她在家 她不太舒服 这我知道
It was a whole bit I was doing. I was pretending.
我演的 刚才是装的
Yeah, she's feeling not well enough to be near me.
嗯 她感觉不太舒服 不能离我太近
So that's why she's home.
所以就在家待着
Some people are home, some people might even be quarantined.
有些人在家里 有些人甚至被隔离了
I've been told that we are the number one TV show for people under quarantine.
听说我们的节目在隔离人员收看的节目里排第一
So thank you, everybody, thank you.
所以谢谢大家 谢谢
If you're not familiar with quarantine, it's 14 days.
如果你不了解隔离 是14天
You can't leave your house.
不能离开家
You have to blow into a tube every 12 hours.
每12小时就得往管子里吹东西
And you have to wear a bracelet on your ankle.
脚踝上还得戴个脚环
I'm thinking of my time at house arrest.
我想到自己软禁的那段时间了
If you're stuck at home, I thought I could offer some ways to pass the time.
如果你被困在家里 我可以给你提供些打发时间的法子
Of course, there's TV. Lots of good things to watch on television.
当然了 有电视可以看 电视上有很多精彩的节目
Love Is Blind, have you been watching?
《爱情盲选》 大家看了吗？
It's about people dating through pods, which is now looking better and better really.
讲的是人们通过资料库系统约会 现在看来这样越来越好了
If this virus keeps going, that's how we're dating from now on.
如果病毒继续肆虐 大家可能真的要那样约会了
If you're into movies, there's a Fast and the Furious movie for every day of your quarantine.
如果你喜欢看电影 每天看一部《速度与激情》 也够你度过整个隔离期了
And when you make it to-- yeah, you make it to Hobbs "Shaw, you're free.
等你看到 对 看到Hobbs说“Shaw 你自由了
That joke's for people who have seen all the movies.
这个玩笑是讲给看过整个系列的电影的人
If you like games, I've got a boatload-- I shouldn't say boatload.
如果你喜欢游戏 我有一艘船的游戏可以推荐 我不应该说一艘船
I have a lot of games.
我有很多游戏
I have a Heads Up!, where you can safely play six feet apart from someone else.
有Heads Up 互相间隔六英尺 玩起来很安全
There's Game of Games-- you can watch people play Blindfolded Musical Chairs and Tastebuds,
有游戏之王 可以看别人玩“蒙眼抢凳子”和“味蕾”
and you can see all the fun that we used to have when we could still touch each other.
还能看到以前大家互相能亲密接触时的所有快乐
There's Ellentube, where you can take your mind off of things.
还有Ellentube 在那里可以逃离现实
You can see so many fun things on Ellentube.
上面有很多有趣的东西
Like for instance, this video.
比如 这个视频
Why? Why? That was never a good idea.
为什么？为啥呢？永远不要那么干
