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Balaba Balaba Balaba Balaba Balaba Balaba Jimmy Kimmel Live.
巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 吉米鸡毛秀
Hi it's Jimmy. I hope you and your friends and your family are as well as can be expected in our new post-apocalyptic world.
嗨 我是吉米 我希望你和你的朋友、还有你的家人在新来的后世界末日都能平安无事
We are not on live this week for obvious reasons.
这周我们没有直播 原因大家都知道
But since I have nothing to do and the fact that you're watching this makes me assume you have nothing to do.
我很闲 而你们正在看我很闲的视频 所以我推断你们也很闲
I'm gonna shoot a mini monologue everyday until we get back from my house where I am currently incarcerated.
我要每天都拍一段小独白 一直拍到我从家里解禁为止
I mean camping out with my family.
嗯 就是说我能和家人出去露营的时候
You know you learn a lot about yourself when you're isolated at home.
你懂的 当自己被隔离在家里的时候你会变得更懂自己
For instance, I learned that I have two young children, which was really something to find out.
比如 我发现自己原来还有两个年幼的孩子 很有价值的发现
Thank God for television.
感谢上帝赐予了我们电视机
My blood type right now is Disney positive or Disney Plus. Whatever they call it.
我现在的血型是迪士尼阳性或者迪士尼+ 怎么叫都行
We've watched Frozen Two more times than the animators who drew it have watched Frozen Two.
我们看了很多遍《冰雪奇缘2》 比画它的动画师看的次数还要多两倍
I'm actually hiding in my office right now from my children.
我现在其实是躲在办公室里 因为不想让我的孩子们发现
We've run out of snacks. we've run out of crafts to do. We made macaroni necklaces yesterday.
我们的零食吃完了 手艺也施展完了 昨天我们做了通心粉项链
Today I ate them for lunch. That's how bad it's getting.
不过今天我把它们当午餐吃了 情况越来越糟
Here's something I learned. This is a very good tip.
我有一些感悟 一条很好的建议
Did you know that you can make coffee at home for yourself?
你知道你可以自己在家里煮咖啡吗？
It's crazy. I even spelled my name right on the cup, which was amazing.
很疯狂 我甚至在杯子上拼写了我的名字 很神奇
So anyway, yesterday our president Donald Trump gave himself a ten out of ten for the way he's handled this situation,
嗯 换个话题 昨天我们的总统唐纳德·特朗普给自己处理此事的行为打了10分 总分10分
gave himself a 10, which incidentally is the same amount of testing kits that are currently available in the United States right now.
给了自己10分 顺便说一下 这和美国现在的基因测定装置的数量是一样的
And then Trump told people us to stop hoarding unnecessary amount of food. That's right.
之后特朗普让国民(我们)不要再囤积不必要的食物 这很对
This man, this individual would like you to take it easy with the food.
这个男人 这个人类 让你对食物放轻松
So please, by order of the president, take it easy with the food.
所以 请听从总统的命令 对食物要放轻松
This is an especially tough day to stay home, obviously because it's St. Patrick's Day.
今天待在家里尤其艰难 因为今天是圣帕特里克节
And I do want to say a happy St. Patrick's Day, not just to our Irish friends in the Irish Americans watching, but all alcoholics everywhere.
我祝大家圣帕特里克节快乐 不只是祝我们的爱尔兰朋友、爱尔兰裔美国人 还祝福所有的酗酒者
And happy return of the potato famine too.
还有“爱尔兰大饥荒”的快乐回归
So Tom Brady for whatever reason chose today St. Patrick's Day to announce he's leaving the Patriots.
所以汤姆·布雷迪不管出于什么原因 他选择了在今天的圣帕特里克节宣布要离开爱国者队
And for people from Boston this is like if Santa died on Christmas.
对于来自波士顿的人来说 这就像是圣诞老人死在了圣诞节
This is terrible. Tom tweeted a message to his fans, saying he is forever a patriot no matter what.
太可怕了 汤姆在推特上给他的粉丝们发了一条信息：说不管怎样、自己永远都会是一名爱国者
And he is except for next season and for every other season he plays after that.
不管是到了下个赛季还是之后的每一个赛季都是一名爱国者
So it is a tough st. Patty's Day in New England for sure.
所以 对伦敦来说这肯定是一个不爽的圣帕特里克节
But just because the world is almost completely shut down doesn't mean you can't have some fun, could always find ways to have fun.
但是 世界的封闭并不能限制你的乐趣 乐趣无处不在
So I came up with a few ideas for how you could celebrate st. Patty's from the sanitized safety of your home.
所以我想到一些点子 可以让你在家里安全卫生的环境下庆祝圣帕蒂节
All right. Now first you can do you put on a festive Lea covered shirt like I did today.
嗯 现在 首先你可以像我今天这样穿上一件有节日气氛的Lea汗衫
My Guinness shirt. I wear it once a year.
我的吉尼斯汗衫 我一年只穿一次
Next you can get get this in bread yet, get some food coloring.
接下来你可以把这个加在面包里 取一些食用色素
And you can dye a bottle of hand sanitizer green.
你可以把一瓶洗手液染成绿色
You'll never get it off your hands, but it's festive nonetheless.
弄到手上洗不掉 但不管怎样这是节日的颜色
You could dress your kids like leprechauns and try to catch them.
你可以把你的孩子打扮成(爱尔兰)矮妖 然后试着抓住他们
And of course, you could get drunk.
当然 你也可以把自己灌醉
Listen, there are no great ways to celebrate St. Patrick's Day at home.
听着 在家里庆祝圣帕特里克节没什么好办法
But it is an opportunity for me anyway to rewatch the greatest local news story of all time.
但无论如何这对我来说都是一次重温当地历史上最伟大的新闻故事的机会
And that is a leprechaun sighting in of all places—Mobile Alabama.
这是一只在任何地方都能看见的矮妖——莫比尔阿拉巴马
Curiosity leads to large crowds in Mobile's Crichton community.
好奇心致使莫比尔市的克莱顿社区人山人海
Many of you bring binoculars, camcorders, even camera phones to take pictures.
许多人带着双筒望远镜、摄像机、甚至拍照手机来拍照
To me look like a little card to me. I do look a bit of cheap.
对我来说就像一张小卡片 我看起来有点不友好
Eyewitnesses say the leprechaun only comes out at night.
目击者称矮妖只在晚上出来
If you shine a light in its direction it suddenly disappears.
如果你朝它的方向照出一束光它就会突然消失
This sammich sketch resembles what many of you say the leprechaun looks like.
这幅萨米奇的素描就像你们很多人说的矮妖的样子
Others find it hard to believe and have come up with their own theories and explanations for the image.
很多人难以置信并就矮妖的形象问题提出了自己的理论和辩解
Well, if that doesn't cheer you up, forget it.
好吧 如果没让你兴奋起来 那就当没看过
I mean, now I'll be back to check in tomorrow.
我是说 明天我还会来打卡
Maybe we'll check in with Guillermo tomorrow at his house to see how his quarantine is going.
或许明天我们可以去吉列尔莫家看看他的检疫情况
In the meantime, please stay home, be safe, wash your hands, wash your feet, wash everything, and not just during this time, wash all the time.
同时 请待在家里、要注意安全、要洗手、洗脚、洗一切 不是说只在这段时间洗 要一直洗下去
And if you want to be of service, you can join me every day.
如果你想伸出一份援手 那么每天都可以加入我
I'm gonna make a donation to different worthwhile cause. Today that cause is "no Kid Hungry".
我要为不同的有意义的目标捐款 今天的目标是“不让孩子挨饿”
That's where you can visit them on the web. They make sure kids don't go hungry.
你可以在网上访问他们 他们确保孩子们不挨饿
And with schools being closed that is especially important right now. So please consider giving to them.
关闭学校这一点现今尤为重要 所以请考虑给予他们帮助
Really the only way we're gonna get through this is by sticking together, while of course remaining at a CDC approved distance of at least 6 feet apart.
说真的 我们唯一能渡过这次疫情的方法就是“贴在一起(团结)” 当然彼此之间要保持在疾控中心规定的距离范围内 至少6英尺
So hang in there. happy St. Patrick's Day. And I will see you tomorrow.
所以 坚持住 圣帕特里克节快乐 明天见
Jimmy Kimmel Live.
吉米鸡毛秀
