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Hello. Thank me. Thank me very much. You're watching Impeachment After Dark: Live.
大家好，谢谢我，非常谢谢我，你们正在收看的是《黑暗之后的弹劾：现场直播》。
It's the only show that talks about how I'm being treated very badly by the very rude, very nasty media.
这是唯一一档讲述卑劣的媒体是如何残忍对待我的节目。
They're very rude, and they're very nasty. It's just like a Real Housewives aftershow,
他们很粗暴，很恶心，很像真实版的《绝望主妇》上映后的聚会，
if instead of committing tax fraud, they committed obstruction of justice.
他们如果没有犯税收欺诈，那么就犯了阻碍司法罪。
And tax fraud. Now, I know what you're probably all thinking.
其实是税收欺诈，我现在知道了人们是怎么想的了。
It's day three of the hearings. Your favorite president must be melting down by now.
听证会持续三天了，你最喜爱的总统现在肯定融化了。
But it couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, just this week, I was rushed to the hospital for my standard physical.
但其实离真实不太远，其实本周，我着急赶往了医院，进行常规的身体。
Everyone said I was a perfect patient. I even got a lollipop. You always get the lolly. Roy Cohn told me that.
所有人都说我是优秀的病人，我甚至得到了棒棒糖，你总会得到棒棒糖，罗伊·科恩是这么和我说的。
As always, I'm joined by my Attorney General Bill Barr, at the Bill Barr Bar Bar.
和往常一样，我去了司法部长比尔·巴尔那里，地点是比尔·巴尔的酒吧。
Great to be here, Mr. President, and on behalf of your staff this week. Thank you. Fantastic. That's fantastic.
非常高兴你能来总统先生，代表你本周的工作人员，谢谢，非常棒，非常棒。
It's very good. Now, let's dive in. Time for the big news about the impeachment of your president.
很棒，如今，让我们深入解读，到了总统的弹劾大新闻了。
At first, I was nervous about today's hearings, but Vindman's testimony made it clear that I was totally innocent. Take a look.
首先，我对今天的听证会感到紧张，但魏德曼的证词清晰表明，我是无辜的，来看看。
I was concerned by the call. It is improper for the President of the United States to demand a foreign government investigate a U.S. citizen.
我对这通电话感到担忧，美国总统要求外国政府调查美国公民是不合适的。
Yeah, you hear that? He said. He said what I did was improper. Improper.
没错，你听到了吗？他说我做的不合适，不合适。
And he says it right there folks. I'm proper. But unfortunately it didn't stop there,
他其实是这么说的，我是合适的，但不幸的是还没完，
because Intelligence Committee bad boy Devin Nunes. Devin Nunes made a little misstep like I just did.
因为情报委员会的坏人戴文·尤努斯，戴文·尤努斯犯了和我一样的小错误。
And it happens, folks. People make mistakes. But this one was a very bad one.
朋友们，错误谁都会犯，但这个太糟糕了。
He called the witness by the wrong name. Take a look. Mr. Vindman, you testified in your deposition that you did not know the whistleblower.
他把证人的名字叫错了，来看看，魏德曼先生，你在陈述中证明你不知道告密者的名字。
Remember, it's Lieutenant Colonel Vindman, please. Wow. That's pretty embarrassing.
请记得，我是陆军中校魏德曼，谢谢，哦哦，很尴尬。
It says his name right there Lit Col. Vegemite. Luckily, Nunes came back, and I think he summed up the day pretty nicely.
说了他的名字是，陆军中校威哥门特，尤努斯回来了，我觉得他对今天的总结很棒。
Isn't it strange how we've morphed into the Impeachment Committee,
我们是如何变成弹劾委员会的，这难道不奇怪吗，
presiding over a matter that has no intelligence component? You hear that?
对一件没有情报来源的事情主持会议？你们听到了吗？
So, from now on, when you think of Trump, I want to you think no intelligence component.
从今天起，当你想到小特，我希望你们想的是没有情报来源。
And with that, we're out of time. So let's check in on tonight's drinking game.
我们的时间到了，来看看今晚的喝酒游戏。
Earlier, I told Bill Barr to take a shot every time someone incriminated me today. Let's see how he is. Oh, no.
早间，我告诉巴尔每次有人陷害我都要喝一杯，来看看他怎么样了，哦不。
Someone go check on him. I don't have time...because The Tonight Show starts right now. Here we go!
有人看一眼他如何了，我没时间了，因为今夜秀马上开始，来吧！
From 30 Rockefeller Plaza here in New York City, it's The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
这里是纽约洛克菲勒中心30号，今夜秀主持吉米·肥伦。
And now here's your host, Jimmy Fallon! Hey, heyhey, hey. Hey, heyhey, hey. Hey, heyhey, hey.
他将主持节目，吉米·肥伦，大家好，大家好，大家好，大家好，大家好。
Hello! Oh, my goodness! Thank you very much!
大家好，谢谢，谢谢大家。
