评论
打印
Narcissism is a serious personality disorder that has many damaging effects.
自恋是一种严重的性格障碍，会有很多有害的影响。
It seems like common sense to stay away from those who exhibit excessive selfish behavior,
远离这些有过度自私行为的人似乎是一种常事，
but what if they're your own parents? Here are Seven Subtle Signs of Narcissistic Parenting.
但如果他们是自己的父母怎么办？以下是自恋型父母的7种微妙迹象。
Number one: They're self-centered and make you join the show too.
1. 他们以自我为中心，还让你加入他们的表演中。
Everyone is self-cautious and cares to a certain degree what other people think about them, that's human nature.
每个人都很谨慎，在一定程度上关心别人对他们的看法，这是人类的天性。
But do you ever wonder why your parents act so differently at home than they're out in public?
但你有没有想过为什么你的父母在家和在外人面前的表现如此不一样？
Even for narcissist, their slips and the mask comes off.
即使是自恋者，他们的面具也会脱落。
Narcissistic parents take pride in flaunting their social status, physical appearance, material possessions and accomplishments.
自恋型父母以自己的社会地位、外表、物质财富和成就为傲。
But when they no longer have an audience once they pull up in the driveway, they stop with the nice act.
但当他们没有观众时，他们会停止伪装。
They either criticize or talk about others behind their back.
他们会在背后批评或谈论别人。
Number two: You can't receive gifts without feeling like there're strings attached.
2. 收到他们的礼物都是有附加条件的。
Giving presents is supposed to be a selfless deed.
送礼物应该是一种不求回报的行为。
It's about celebrating the other person who's receiving the gift; whether it's on their birthday, graduation or just because.
是为了给收礼物的人庆祝，不论是他们过生日、毕业还是就想送。
So why does it feel like there are consequences when you receive one from a narcissist?
所以为什么收到自恋者的礼物时，总感觉会有什么后果呢？
The narcissistic parent knows how to guilt trip you if you don't love or use their gift.
如果你不喜欢或是不用他们的礼物，自恋型的父母知道如何让你愧疚。
And when it comes to buying presents for them, forget having to brainstorm,
当要买礼物送给他们时，不必绞尽脑汁，
they usually tell you or demand for what they want in return.
他们通常会直接告诉或要求你送什么样的礼物作回报。
Number three: When you try to set boundaries, they get offensive.
3. 当你试图设定界限时，他们会发怒。
If there's one thing a narcissistic parent loves is control. Why?
自恋型父母只热衷于一件事：控制。为什么？
Because treating the child like an equal would mean they aren't superior or above them.
因为平等地对待孩子意味着他们并不比孩子们优越或高于他们。
If you live with a narcissistic parent, some of these might sound familiar:
如果你和自恋型的家长住一起，以下一些可能听起来很熟悉：
they go through your room without your permission and throw away some of your possessions.
他们未进允许进入你的房间，并将你的一些所有物扔掉。
They dictate your extracurricular activities or classes you can take
他们会规定你可以参加的课外活动或课外班
and they set unrealistic expectations on you without hearing what you have to say first.
未听取你的意见，就给你制定不现实的期待。
But when you do stand up for yourself, they get easily hurt or are offensive and use excuses like,
但当你为自己挺身而出时，他们很容易受伤，变得暴躁并利用如下借口，比如
it was just spring cleaning or I'm just doing what's best for you.
这只是春季大扫除或我是为你好。
Number four: You feel like you're their puppet more than you are their child.
4. 你觉得自己更像是他们的宠物而非孩子。
Dress-up and make-believe is fun as a kid, but narcissistic mothers take that to a whole another serious level.
装扮和假装是孩子的乐趣，但自恋型母亲将这整个问题上升到了另一个更严重的水平。
Patients of narcissistic parents were interviewed by psychologists and one of them said
心理学家采访了自恋型父母的病人，其中一位表示
her mom used to love dolling her up in cute dresses even though she was a tomboy by nature.
她的母亲过去常喜欢给她穿超可爱的裙子，即便她天生是个假小子。
She believe that boost her mom's self-worth while she'll receive compliments for her parents.
她认为这样可以提升母亲自我价值，而自己的也能受到表扬。
Under eyes of a narcissistic parent, the child acts as a medium they can live through.
在自恋父母的眼中，孩子是他们能够生活的媒介。
This is how the child's individuality becomes diminished, replacing it with their own selfish desires.
所以孩子的个人特征逐渐消失，取而代之的是他们自己的私欲。
Number five: They feel hurt when you don't include them in your decisions.
5. 当你的决定中没有他们时，他们会感觉受伤。
Psychotherapist Daniel Sobel says that a narcissistic parent operates from self-protection,
精神治疗医师丹尼尔表示自恋型父母在自我保护中进行操纵，
and if the ego is bruised or they feel the decision was made they could not control, they become cruel, blaming and offensive.
如果自我受伤或是觉得这个决定不受他们控制，他们会变得痛苦、暴躁。
A healthy parent decides how many sweets their child can have after dinner
健康的父母决定他们的孩子饭后能吃几颗糖果
but a narcissistic parent will want to govern everything: what kind of career you can have,
但自恋型的父母想掌控一切：你可以从事什么职业、
who you can date and when you can move out.
你和谁约会以及什么时候能够搬出去。
Nothing scares them more than when we start thinking for yourself and no longer need their validation.
没什么比我们开始自我思考，不再需要他们的批准更让他们害怕的。
Number six: You feel like you can't make good decisions without them.
6. 你觉得没有他们就无法做决定。
Narcissistic parenting creates a codependent relationship between the parent and child.
自恋型的父母在家长和孩子之间创造一个相互依赖的关系。
This can make the child anxious and feel lost without the parents help. But that's exactly what they want.
这会让孩子焦虑，让他们觉得没有父母的帮助，很失落。但这正中他们下怀。
Often, the child will grow feeling confused and invalidated when their thoughts and feelings were ignored.
通常，当孩子的想法和感受被忽略时，他们的成长中会伴随着困惑和不被认同。
Often, the child will grow up feeling confused and invalidated when their thoughts and feelings were ignored.
通常，当孩子的想法和感受被忽略时，他们的成长中会伴随着困惑和不被认同。
Although going through puberty is already a dizzying experience,
尽管青春期已经是一常令人眩晕的经历，
a narcissistic parent will make sure to tear down your self-identity too, leaving you feeling more helpless than ever.
但自恋型的父母会确保你的自我认同也被摧毁，让你感受到无比的无助。
By doing this, they make me depend on them to feel your own self-worth.
这么做，他们可以让我们依赖他们从而获取自我价值。
Number seven: They know how to turn the table and play the victim.
7. 他们知道如何扭转局面，扮演受害者。
No matter how reasonable or logical your argument is, the narcissistic parent will find a way to manipulate you and point fingers.
不论你多么有理有据，自恋型父母总会找到方法操纵你并推卸责任。
Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions and marginalize your needs and feelings.
自恋者绝不会为自己的行为负责，还会忽视你的需求和感受。
This is how they play mind games with you, but they get off easy because they play their victim card well.
他们就是这样和你玩心理游戏，但他们可以轻易脱身，因为他们擅长扮演受害者。
Not anymore though, now that you know about these signs, you no longer have to participate in the cruelty.
再也不会这样了，现在你都知道这些迹象了，你再也不必参与到这种残忍的行为中了。
We hope this video was helpful. Do you struggle with narcissistic parents?
我们希望这期视频对大家有所帮助。你在和自恋父母苦苦斗争么？
We also made a video on 16 just effects of narcissistic parenting. Please be sure to check it out.
我们还有另一期视频《自恋父母的16种影响》。请一定点击观看。
