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I was officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 24
24岁的我被正式诊断为广泛性焦虑障碍，
when I finally disclosed the symptoms I was experiencing with my doctor. But I knew I always struggled with it.
当时的我最终向我的医生透露了我正经历着的症状。但是我知道我一直在和它斗争。
For any of you who're out there who experience an anxiety disorder, I know how scary and threatening it can be;
对于任何经历焦虑症的人，我知道焦虑症是多么的可怕危险，
when your breath shortens, your heart races and your throat tightens.
你的呼吸变得短促、心跳加快、喉咙发紧。
For some of you, especially those of you who have panic attacks, it might feel like you're about to die.
对一些人而言，尤其是那些患有无端恐惧症的人，这种感觉就像是要死了一样。
And the worst part about anxiety is that you never know when it's going to rise again or worsen; it's invisible, quiet and unpredictable.
关于焦虑症最糟糕的是，你根本不知道病情什么时候会加重；它是无形的、无声的、不可预测的。
We don't get warnings ahead of time, not like flashing ambulance lights to let us know there's an emergency with a blare of a sound alarm.
没有事先通知，也不像灯光闪烁的救护车灯可以发出警报告诉我们出现了紧急情况。
Often it will sneak up on us and breathe negative thoughts into our headspace.
它总是悄悄来到我们身边，向我们的大脑输入负面想法。
Ever since I started meditating more and shifting my self-talk in a better direction,
自从我开始更多的冥想，将自我谈话转向更好的方向后，
my anxiety no longer has as much control over my life as it used too.
我的焦虑症不再像以前一样过多的控制我的生活。
But sometimes all it takes is one unfortunate event to get my heart racing. For the most part, my childhood was cloaked in chaos.
但有时只需要一件不幸的事情就足以让我心跳加速。我的童年几乎都笼罩在混乱之中。
Every day it felt like I was walking on eggshells, I never knew where the next bomb was going to set off.
每天我就像行走在蛋壳上一样小心翼翼，根本不知道下一个炸弹会在哪里引爆。
I became fearful of many things: death, being yelled at, eating in front of others, socializing and not being good enough.
我开始害怕很多事情：死亡、被别人吼、在其他人面前吃东西、社交、做的不够好。
The list goes on but I don't want to bore you. My experience with anxiety isn't necessarily a fairy tale.
害怕的事情不胜枚举，说出来会让大家感到厌烦。关于焦虑症，我的经历并不是童话。
I still have a long way to go and I'm not sure if they'll be a happy ending, but I'm curious enough to find out and keep going.
我仍有很长的路要走，我不确定是否会有一个快乐的结局，但是我的好奇心足以让我去发现并继续前进。
It's funny, my relationship with the unknown used to be a cumulus one:
有趣的是，我和未知之间的关系曾像积云一样：
I would often get thrown into unpleasant situations one after the other.
我经常一次又一次的陷入不开心的情况中。
And if I felt like I wasn't performing well, I was quick to blame myself,
如果我觉得自己表现得不够好，我就会马上责怪自己，
but never the person who had a choice in guiding me in a healthier fashion.
却从不去责怪那个曾有机会带领我走向健康方向的人。
Nowadays however as I'm navigating a streets of adulthood, I'm beginning to welcome change with open arms.
但现在，我正在成年的道路上穿行，我开始张开双臂迎接改变。
I'm not telling you the water work will stop, and that there won't be days where you won't feel like getting out of bed
我不会告诉你水面终将平静，你再也不会经历不想起床的日子，
because this still very much exist for me. But I can say with confidence, there is so much for me to live for.
因为这些仍是我需要面对的问题。但是我可以自信地说，对我而言，生活的意义重大。
My boyfriend the Cat likes crawling up on the couch with me. I've yet to experience and try thousands of recipes on my list.
我的喵咪男友喜欢和我依偎在沙发上。我经历过，也尝试过各种方法。
And I know there are people in my life who care about me and want me to succeed.
我知道在我生命中，有很多人都很关心我并希望我能成功。
Instead of playing the victim and asking myself why anxiety chose to haunt me, I stopped feeling sorry for myself.
我不想扮演受害者，也不想问自己为什么焦虑症选择了我，我不再为自己感到难过。
Yes, I recognized that if they didn't have anxiety, maybe my high school years wont have been as traumatizing for me,
没错，我意识到如果没有焦虑症，或许我的高中生活不会是一场灾难，
and maybe I would have developed relationships with people I would want to talk to, but was too afraid to approach.
或许我可以和我想接近但不敢接近的人交朋友。
But looking back with regrets isn't something that will propel me forward.
但懊悔不能推动我前行。
Instead, that's like giving into anxiety and saying: OK, you win. You can continue controlling my life.
相反，这像是陷入焦虑后说：好吧，你赢了。你可以继续控制我的生活。
I know these things are always easier said than done.
我知道说总比做容易。
Believe me, I was not able to achieve this overnight and there are things I still need to work on.
相信我，这些想法并不是一夜之间想通的，仍有很多事情需要我继续努力。
But anything that's worth having in life is always worth the effort. Anxiety is an ongoing battle for me, but it's no longer threat to me.
任何值得出现在生命中的事情都值得我们的努力。对我来说，焦虑就像是一场持续的战争，但它不再是一种威胁。
Have a personal story you want to share about experience with anxiety or mental health problem?
想和大家分享你关于焦虑症或精神疾病的个人经历？
Email them to editorial@Psych2Go.net. Or make a video about it and tag #anxiety, #depression, #Psych2Go.
发送邮件至 editorial@Psych2Go.net 或者制作一个视频并带上#焦虑症、#抑郁症、#Psych2Go的标签。
We will watch it. Your story might just get animated and get paid. Thanks for watching!
我们会看的。你的故事可能会被制成动画，还能获得奖励。感谢收看！
