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There are three words that explain why I am here. They are "Amy Krouse Rosenthal."
用九个字可以解释为什么我会在这里。“艾米·克鲁塞·罗森塔尔”。
At the end of Amy's life, hyped up on morphine and home in hospice,
艾米的生命走到终点时，她因为吗啡而兴奋，在家中安宁疗护，
the "New York Times" published an article she wrote for the "Modern Love" column on March 3, 2017.
《纽约时报》刊出了一篇她写的文章，刊在2017年3月3日的《摩登情爱》专栏。
It was read worldwide by over five million people.
全世界有超过五百万人读这个专栏。
The piece was unbearably sad, ironically funny and brutally honest.
这篇文章让人悲伤到无法自己，却又带着讽刺的趣味和残酷的诚实。
While it was certainly about our life together, the focus of the piece was me.
虽然这篇文章绝对是在写我们一起的生活，但焦点是在我身上。
It was called, "You May Want to Marry My Husband." It was a creative play on a personal ad for me.
文章主题叫做“你可能会想要嫁给我先生”。那是个为我做的个人广告，很有创意。
Amy quite literally left an empty space for me to fill with another love story.
艾米真的留了一个空间给我，让我填入另一个爱情故事。
Amy was my wife for half my life.
我的人生有一半的时间，艾米都是我的太太。
She was my partner in raising three wonderful, now grown children, and really, she was my girl, you know?
我们一起养大了三个美好的孩子，他们现在都已长大，而且，说真的，她是我的女孩。
We had so much in common. We loved the same art, the same documentaries, the same music.
我们有好多共同点。我们爱同样的艺术、同样的纪录片、同样的音乐。
Music was a huge part of our life together. And we shared the same values.
在我们一起的生活中，音乐占了很大一部分。我们还有相同的价值观。
We were in love, and our love grew stronger up until her last day.
我们爱着彼此，我们的爱不断成长茁壮，直到她的最后一天。
Amy was a prolific author. In addition to two groundbreaking memoirs, she published over 30 children's books.
艾米是位多产的作家。除了两本开创性的自传之外，她还出版了超过三十本童书。
Posthumously, the book she wrote with our daughter Paris, called "Dear Girl,"
在她过世后，她和我们的女儿帕里丝一起写的书《亲爱的女孩》，
reached the number one position on the "New York Times" bestseller list.
爬到《纽约时报》畅销书排行榜的第一名。
She was a self-described tiny filmmaker. She was 5'1" and her films were not that long.
她自称是位小电影工作者。她只有五尺一寸，且她的电影也没那么长。
Her films exemplified her natural ability to gather people together.
她的电影就是很好的例子，呈现她天生善于把人聚集在一起能力。
She was also a terrific public speaker, talking with children and adults of all ages all over the world.
她也是位很出色的公开演说家，演说对象包括儿童及各种年龄的成人，且到世界各地演说。
Now, my story of grief is only unique in the sense of it being rather public.
只有一点让我的悲恸故事很独特，那点就是：它是公开的。
However, the grieving process itself was not my story alone.
然而，我的故事不只是哀悼的过程。
Amy gave me permission to move forward, and I'm so grateful for that.
艾米允许我向前走下去，我对此心怀感激。
Now, just a little over a year into my new life, I've learned a few things.
进入我的新生活大约一年多之后，我学到了几件事。
I'm here to share with you part of the process of moving forward through and with grief.
我来这里和各位分享的，是我带着悲恸向前穿过悲恸的过程。
But before I do that, I think it would be important to talk a little bit about the end of life,
但在我分享之前，我认为必须要稍微谈谈临终，
because it forms how I have been emotionally since then. Death is such a taboo subject, right?
死因为它造成了我之后情绪上的状况。亡是个禁忌的话题，对吧？
Amy ate her last meal on January 9, 2017.
艾米在2017年1月9日吃完了她的最后一餐。
She somehow lived an additional two months without solid food.
不知怎么，她又多活了两个月，没有吃固态食物。
Her doctors told us we could do hospice at home or in the hospital.
她的医生告诉我们，我们能让她在家做临终安宁，或在医院也可以。
They did not tell us that Amy would shrink to half her body weight,
他们没有告诉我们，艾米的体重只剩下一半，
that she would never lay with her husband again, and that walking upstairs to our bedroom would soon feel like running a marathon.
她永远无法再和她的丈夫同床共眠，走上楼到我们的卧房很快就变得像跑马拉松一样。
Home hospice does have an aura of being a beautiful environment to die in.
在家安宁，能让她在美丽的环境中离开人世。
How great that you don't have the sounds of machines beeping and going on and off all the time,
身边没有机器一直哔哔叫、开开关关，这样有多好，
no disruptions for mandatory drug administration, home with your family to die.
也不用因为强制用药而被打断，能在家里离开人世，有家人陪伴在身边。
We did our best to make those weeks as meaningful as we could. We talked often about death.
我们尽力而为，让最后这几个星期变得更有意义。我们常常会谈死亡。
Everybody knows it's going to happen to them, like, for sure, but being able to talk openly about it was liberating.
大家都知道，每个人都一定会死，但能开放地谈它，让人觉得很解放。
We talked about subjects like parenting.
我们谈的主题包括教养子女。
I asked Amy how I could be the best parent possible to our children in her absence.
我问艾米，当她不在了以后，我要如何为孩子们扮演最好的爸爸？
In those conversations, she gave me confidence by stressing what a great relationship I had with each one of them, and that I can do it.
在那些对话中，她给我信心，强调我和我们的每个孩子都有很棒的关系，强调我能做到。
I know there will be many times where I wish she and I can make decisions together. We were always so in sync.
我知道将来会有许多时刻，我会希望她能和我一起做决定。我们过去总是同频的。
May I be so audacious as to suggest that you have these conversations now, when healthy. Please don't wait.
我能不能大胆地建议各位现在就进行这些谈话，趁还健康时。请不要等待。
As part of our hospice experience, we organized groups of visitors.
在我们的安宁过程中，我们安排了访客群。
How brave of Amy to receive them, even as she began her physical decline.
艾米十分勇敢地接待他们，即使她的身体状况已经越来越糟。
We had a Krouse night, her parents and three siblings. Friends and family were next.
我们有个克鲁塞之夜，先和她的父母及三个手足。接下来是朋友和家人。
Each told beautiful stories of Amy and of us. Amy made an immense impact on her loyal friends.
每次都诉说了关于艾米和关于我们的美好故事。艾米对她忠诚的朋友造成了很大的影响。
But home hospice is not so beautiful for the surviving family members.
但对于留下来的家人而言，居家安宁并没有那么美好。
I want to get a little personal here and tell you that to this date, I have memories of those final weeks that haunt me.
在此我想跟各位说比较个人化的事，那就是，至今，最后这几周的记忆仍然挥之不去。
I remember walking backwards to the bathroom, assisting Amy with each step. I felt so strong.
我还记得我倒退着走进厕所，协助艾米踏出每一步。我感到很强壮。
I'm not such a big guy, but my arms looked and felt so healthy compared to Amy's frail body.
我的个头不高大，但和艾米虚弱的身体相比，我的手臂看起来且感觉起来好健康。
And that body failed in our house. On March 13 of last year, my wife died of ovarian cancer in our bed.
那虚弱的身体，在我们的家中衰竭了。去年3月13日，我太太因为卵巢癌，在我们的床上过世。
I carried her lifeless body down our stairs,
我扛着她没有生命的身体，走下我们的楼梯，
through our dining room and our living room to a waiting gurney to have her body cremated.
穿过我们的餐厅和我们的客厅，到在那等候着的推床上，将她的尸体火化。
I will never get that image out of my head.
我脑中永远会留有这个影像。
If you know someone who has been through the hospice experience, acknowledge that.
如果你认识一个曾经经历过临终安宁的人，请认可他。
Just say you heard this guy Jason talk about how tough it must be to have those memories
就说，你听过这个叫杰森的家伙，谈过留着那些记忆是多么艰难的事，
and that you're there if they ever want to talk about it.
如果他们想要找人谈谈，可以随时找你。
They may not want to talk, but it's nice to connect with someone living each day with those lasting images.
他们可能不会想谈，但能够和每天都带着那些持久记忆过日子的人有所连结，是很好的。
I know this sounds unbelievable, but I've never been asked that question.
我知道这听起来难以置信，但从来没有人问过我那个问题。
Amy's essay caused me to experience grief in a public way.
艾米的文章让我以公开的方式经历这段悲恸。
Many of the readers who reached out to me wrote beautiful words of reflection.
有许多读者向我伸出手，他们用美丽的文字写下他们的想法。
The scope of Amy's impact was deeper and richer than even us and her family knew.
艾米的影响力，比我们和她的家人所知道的还要更深、更丰富。
Some of the responses I received helped me with the intense grieving process because of their humor,
我收到的一些回复，协助我度过这段强烈的哀悼过程，因为他们的幽默，
like this email I received from a woman reader who read the article, declaring,
就像我收到一位女性读者的邮件，她读了那篇文章，宣称：
"I will marry you when you are ready -- provided you permanently stop drinking.
“当你准备好之后，我会嫁给你--前提是你要永远停止饮酒。
No other conditions. I promise to outlive you. Thank you very much."
没有其他条件。我保证会活得比你久。非常谢谢你。”
Now, I do like a good tequila, but that really is not my issue. Yet how could I say no to that proposal?
我确实很喜欢好喝的龙舌兰酒，但我并没有酗酒问题。但我要如何对那样的求婚说不？
I laughed through the tears when I read this note from a family friend:
当我读到这段我们家人的朋友写的文字时，我是笑中带泪的：
"I remember Shabbat dinners at your home and Amy teaching me how to make cornbread croutons.
“我还记得在你们家吃的安息日晚餐，艾米教我如何做玉米油炸面包丁。
Only Amy could find creativity in croutons."
只有艾米能够在油炸面包丁中找到创意。”
On July 27, just a few months after Amy's death,
7月27日，艾米过世后几个月，
my dad died of complications related to a decades-long battle with Parkinson's disease.
我长期在和帕金森氏症对抗的父亲，也因为并发症而过世了。
I had to wonder: How much can the human condition handle?
我不得不纳闷，一个人能够承受多少？
What makes us capable of dealing with this intense loss and yet carry on?
是什么让我们有办法处理这么强烈的失去，且还能走下去？
Was this a test? Why my family and my amazing children?
这是个试炼吗？为什么选上我的家人和我那么棒的孩子？
Looking for answers, I regret to say, is a lifelong mission,
很遗憾，我得要说，寻找这个答案是一生的任务。
but the key to my being able to persevere is Amy's expressed and very public edict that I must go on.
但让我能坚持下去的关键，是艾米非常公开的公告，要我一定要走下去。
Throughout this year, I have done just that.
今年，我就是在做这件事。
I have attempted to step out and seek the joy and the beauty that I know this life is capable of providing.
我尝试着踏出去，寻求我知道这个人生能够提供的喜悦和美丽。
But here's the reality: those family gatherings, attending weddings and events honoring Amy,
但现实却是：那些家庭聚会、出席婚礼以及追思艾米的活动，
as loving as they are, have all been very difficult to endure. People say I'm amazing.
虽然都充满了爱，但对我来说都好难承受。大家都说我很了不起。
"How do you handle yourself that way during those times?"
“你如何能用那样的方式来面对那些时刻？”
They say, "You do it with such grace."
他们说：“你表现得非常优雅。”
Well, guess what? I really am sad a lot of the time.
你猜怎样？大部分的时候，我其实很伤心。
I often feel like I'm kind of a mess,
我常觉得我自己一团糟，
and I know these feelings apply to other surviving spouses, children, parents and other family members.
我知道其他留下的遗眷也都会有那些感受，配偶、孩子、父母及其他家属都会。
In Japanese Zen, there is a term "Shoji," which translates as "birth death."
在日本的禅道中，有个词叫“shoji”，翻译为“生死”。
There is no separation between life and death other than a thin line that connects the two.
生与死之间没有阻隔，只有一条很细的线连结两者。
Birth, or the joyous, wonderful, vital parts of life, and death, those things we want to get rid of, are said to be faced equally.
生，或是说人生中喜悦的、美好的、充满活力的部分，以及死，我们想要摆脱的那些事物，都要被平等面对。
In this new life that I find myself in, I am doing my best to embrace this concept as I move forward with grieving.
在我的新人生当中，我带着悲恸向前走时，我尽力而为去拥抱这个概念。
In the early months following Amy's death, though, I was sure that the feeling of despair would be ever-present,
不过，在艾米刚过世的那几个月，我很确定绝望的感受会经常出现，
that it would be all-consuming. Soon I was fortunate to receive some promising advice.
它会吞噬一切。没多久，我很幸运，收到了很棒的忠告。
Many members of the losing-a-spouse club reached out to me.
失去配偶俱乐部的许多成员都向我伸出手。
One friend in particular who had also lost her life partner kept repeating, "Jason, you will find joy."
特别有一位朋友，她也失去了人生的另一半，她不断重复：“杰森，你将来会找到喜悦的。”
I didn't even know what she was talking about. How was that possible?
我当时甚至不知道她在说什么。那怎么有可能？
But because Amy gave me very public permission to also find happiness, I now have experienced joy from time to time.
但因为艾米非常公开地允许我去找到幸福，我现在也偶尔会感受到喜悦了。
There it was, dancing the night away at an LCD Soundsystem concert,
喜悦就这么出现了，夜晚用LCD音响系统听音乐会时跟着起舞，
traveling with my brother and best friend or with a college buddy on a boys' trip to meet a group of great guys I never met before.
和兄弟及好友旅行，或和同事伙计来一趟男孩之旅，去认识一群我从来没有见过但很棒的先生们。
From observing that my deck had sun beating down on it on a cold day,
从观察到在一个冷天我的甲板上有阳光照射，
stepping out in it, laying there, the warmth consuming my body.
我开始走出去，躺在甲板上，让温暖充满我的身体。
The joy comes from my three stunning children.
喜悦来自我那三位让人惊奇的孩子。
There was my son Justin, texting me a picture of himself with an older gentleman with a massive,
比如我的儿子贾斯汀，他传给我一张他和一位较年长的男士的照片，
strong forearm and the caption, "I just met Popeye," with a huge grin on his face.
那位男士的前臂非常强壮，他加注“我刚遇到了大力水手卜派”，他脸上是个露齿的大微笑。
There was his brother Miles, walking to the train for his first day of work after graduating college,
还有他的兄弟迈尔斯，走向火车，那是他大学毕业后第一天去工作，
who stopped and looked back at me and asked, "What am I forgetting?"
他停下脚步，回头看着我，问：“我忘了什么？”
I assured him right away, "You are 100 percent ready. You got this."
我马上向他保证：“你100%准备好了。你没问题的。”
And my daughter Paris, walking together through Battersea Park in London,
还有我女儿帕里丝，我和她一起散步，穿过伦敦的巴特西公园，
the leaves piled high, the sun glistening in the early morning on our way to yoga.
树叶堆得很高，我们一大清早去做瑜伽的路上，阳光在闪耀着。
I would add that beauty is also there to discover, and I mean beauty of the wabi-sabi variety but beauty nonetheless.
我想补充一下，美丽也在那里等着被发掘，我指的是侘寂多样性的美丽，但也仍然是美丽。
On the one hand, when I see something in this category, I want to say,
另一方面，当我看到这类事物时，我想要说：
"Amy, did you see that? Did you hear that? It's too beautiful for you not to share with me."
“艾米，你看到了吗？你听到了吗？这太美了，你不能不与我分享。”
On the other hand, I now experience these moments in an entirely new way.
另一方面，我现在以一种整体的新方式来体验那些时刻。
There was the beauty I found in music, like the moment in the newest Manchester Orchestra album,
我在音乐中能找到美丽，比如在曼彻斯特管弦摇滚乐团最新的专辑中，
when the song "The Alien" seamlessly transitions into "The Sunshine,"
当“外星人”这首歌无缝地转换到“阳光”的时候，
or the haunting beauty of Luke Sital-Singh's "Killing Me," whose chorus reads,
或是像路克·西塔尔-辛格的专辑“要我的命”，有种难忘的美丽，他的合唱团唱着：
"And it's killing me that you're not here with me. I'm living happily, but I'm feeling guilty."
“你不在这里陪我，真是要我的命。我活得很快乐，但我觉得很罪恶。”
There is beauty in the simple moments that life has to offer,
在人生中带给我们的那些简单时刻里，就有美丽，
a way of seeing that world that was so much a part of Amy's DNA,
把这个世界看成是艾米DNA的一部分，
like on my morning commute, looking at the sun reflecting off of Lake Michigan,
比如我早上通勤时，看着密歇根湖上反映的太阳，
or stopping and truly seeing how the light shines at different times of the day in the house we built together;
或是停下脚步真正去欣赏一天不同时刻中，光是如何照耀我们一同建造的房子；
even after a Chicago storm, noticing the fresh buildup of snow throughout the neighborhood;
甚至在芝加哥暴风雨之后，注意到在整个社区中雪是如何渐渐堆起；
or peeking into my daughter's room as she's practicing the bass guitar.
或是窥视我女儿的房间，偷看她练低音吉他。
Listen, I want to make it clear that I'm a very fortunate person.
我想说清楚一件事，我是一个非常幸运的人。
I have the most amazing family that loves and supports me.
我有着最棒的家人，他们爱我、支持我。
I have the resources for personal growth during my time of grief.
在我悲恸的过程中，我有可以个人成长的资源。
But whether it's a divorce, losing a job you worked so hard at or having a family member die suddenly or of a slow-moving and painful death,
但不论是离婚、失去你很努力在维持的工作，或有亲人突然过世，或以缓慢痛苦的方式离世，
I would like to offer you what I was given: a blank of sheet of paper.
我都想要给予你我所得到的：一张白纸。
What will you do with your intentional empty space, with your fresh start? Thank you.
当意识里有个空白的空间，你也会面对一个全新的开始，那么，你打算做什么？谢谢。
