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Narcissists live among us.
自恋者就生活在我们之中。
You might be friends with a narcissist or you might work with one, you might even be dating one.
你的朋友或者你的同事、你的约会对象可能就是自恋者。
Dating an narcissist, this can be difficult.
和自恋者约会，这可挺困难的。
It can be confusing and in worst cases, it could turn emotionally manipulative and abusive.
也可能会令人困惑，最糟糕的是这有可能转变为情感上的控制和虐待。
While this isn't the case for all narcissists, it's good to be aware of potential signs.
虽然并不是所有自恋者都如此，但了解这些潜在的迹象也是不错的。
It's way more intense than someone who just counts their likes on Facebook.
自恋者可比那些数着脸书上点赞数量的人要极端的多。
The DSM-5 Criteria states that to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder,
《美国精神障碍诊断与统计手册》第5版中说道，被诊断自恋型人格障碍的人，
someone must be impaired with both self functioning and interpersonal functioning,
一定是自我功能和人际功能受到双重损害，
this means that they gain their self-identity and self motivation from others,
这就意味着他们需要获得别人的认同并从别人那获得自我激励，
often through traits such as grandiosity, antagonism and attention seeking behaviors.
通常是凭借一些特质，如夸大、敌意以及寻找注意行为。
Narcissists experience low levels of empathy and don't consider the effects their behaviors have on others.
自恋者同理心很低并且他们不会考虑自己的行为会对别人造成什么影响。
Their relationships are shallow and are a means to an end. That end is satisfaction of self-esteem.
他们的人际关系很肤浅，人际关系是他们达到目的的手段或方法。他们的目的就是自尊的满足感。
Let's go through a list of signs.
以下是自恋者迹象一览表。
Bragging.
吹牛。
Is your significant other adamant that they are the best at everything they do?
你重要的另一半是否坚称他们所做的一切都是最棒的？
If you have someone who brags a lot, it could be an exhibition of grandiosity.
如果某人总是吹牛，这可能是夸大的表现。
Grandiose ideas manifest most often as thinking one is better than others and acting condescendingly towards other people.
夸张的想法表现为他们通常都认为自己比别人要好且对待别人有优越感。
If your date made fun of you for screwing up that easy mini golf hole,
如果你的约会对象会因为你连简单的迷你高尔夫都打不好而取笑你，
it could be a warning sign that you're dealing with a narcissist.
这可能就是你在和自恋者相处的警示迹象。
Self-centeredness.
自我中心。
This one isn't an exaggeration.
这个并不是夸张。
Most people who know about narcissism think that all narcissists are self-centered jerks.
了解自恋的大多数人都认为所有自恋者都是以自我中心的混蛋。
While the jerk part is up for debate, self-centered is right on the money.
而混蛋部分时刻准备着辩论而自我中心部分在乎钱。
Another facet of grandiosity, one of the diagnostic criteria for NPD is seen by the trait of being self-centered.
这是夸大的另一面，以自我为中心的特征是自恋型人格障碍的诊断标准之一。
If your date has only talked about themselves all night and doesn't remember anything about you,
如果你的约会对象整晚都只谈论他们自己而不记得关于你的任何事情，
it might be a sign that they're narcissists.
这可能就预示着他们是自恋者。
Gaslighting. If you're not sure what gaslighting is,
煤气灯操纵（精神虐待）。如果你不知道煤气灯操纵是什么，
you can check out our video about emotional abuse and how it relates to gaslighting.
你可以去看看我们的视频——精神虐待以及它和煤气灯操纵的联系。
In a nutshell, gaslighting is making someone distrust their own view of reality through manipulation.
简单来说，煤气灯操纵即通过操纵让别人不相信自己对现实的看法。
Narcissists so easily gaslight people accidentally or on purpose
自恋者很容易有意或无意地操纵别人
because they need to feel like they're smarter than you.
因为他们需要感受到他们比你聪明。
If you express a memory or an opinion, beware if you're dating a narcissist
如果你表达某段记忆或观点，注意如果你在和一名自恋者约会，
they will do everything in their power to change your mind so you believe that they're right.
他们会尽自己所能改变你的想法，让你相信他们是对的。
Emotional Detachment.
情感抽离。
Most narcissists actually seem like the perfect partners when they start out.
刚开始时，大多数自恋者看上去就像完美的伙伴。
They flatter you, they'll build you up and then expect you to build them up.
他们会奉承你，他们会建立你的威信然后希望你也能建立他们的威信。
When they finally gotten all the assurance, validation and ego boosting they can from you, they'll start to pull away.
当他们最终从你身上获得所有保障、确定以及小我增长，他们就会脱身。
If your partner all of a sudden seems distant or annoyed whenever you're around,
如果你的另一半突然变得冷漠或生闷气，
know that that could be a sign that they and their narcissism are starting to move on.
你就该意识到这是他们以及他们自恋开始作祟。
Instant Messaging.
即时通讯。
Many narcissist need instant gratification to be satisfied
许多自恋者需要即时满足
because their sense of self is directly tied to others.
因为他们的自我感知与别人有着直接关联。
If someone takes a while to respond, they're going to start feeling weak and unstable.
如果别人过了一会才回复，他们就会开始感到脆弱及不安。
If you're with someone who gets annoyed when you don't answer your phone right away, that's the sign of narcissism.
如果当因你没有立刻回复而使他生气的话，这就是一个自恋的迹象。
It's also not fair to you, someone who should be living your own life.
这对你也不公平。你应该过自己的生活。
Drama kings and Drama queens.
戏太多。
Not to be confused with a stereotype of a narcissist.
不要和自恋者的模式化形象弄混淆。
Having drama doesn't actually mean you could be diagnosed with MPD.
戏多并不就意味着你可能被诊断为自恋型人格障碍。
However, narcissists do believe themselves to be starring in their own blockbuster lifetime movie.
然而自恋者确实相信他们自己在主演自己的终身大电影。
They need to keep the stakes of their life high, in order to access admiration, triumph and respect.
他们需要保持自己的生命的大赌注，为的就是获取赞赏、胜利和尊重。
If your date has been talking about their tragic life story a lot, take it with a grain of salt,
如果你的约会对象总谈论自己的人生悲剧故事，请对此持怀疑态度，
it could be narcissists fodder and they might be just trying to get a response out of you.
这可能是自恋者的素材，他们可能只是想要得到你的回应。
Where is the controller? No doubt your narcissist lover will have taken charge of everything from the date night
遥控器在哪呢？毫无疑问你的自恋爱人会控制所有事，从约会之夜
to the Facebook official status to the casual road trip you wanted a plan.
到脸书的正式状态再到自驾游计划。
They need to be in control all the time as it makes them feel like they're in power.
他们需要随时掌控，这样他们才能感到他们的权力。
Whether this power is real or perceived doesn't matter,
不论这种权力是真实的还是自认为的，这都不重要，
they'll stay in control until the bitter end.
他们会一直掌权直到走到苦涩的终点。
This includes controlling their reputation as well which is often times more important to them than their relationships.
这也包括控制他们的声誉，声誉通常比他们的人际关系更重要。
No means no.
不就是不。
In any situation if someone says 'no', it means no,
在任何情况下，如果某人说‘不’，就是不，
but to a narcissist, 'no' it's just another challenge and they love to take on challenges.
但对于自恋者来说，‘不’只是另一种挑战，他们喜欢应对挑战。
Your narcissists consider themselves the exception to any and all rules,
你的自恋者另一半认为他们自己是个例外，不受所有规则约束，
it also means they'll take your preference or a difference of opinion on as a challenge.
这也意味着他们把你的偏好或不同的观点是为一种挑战。
For example, if you don't eat meat, your date might try to convince you to try it,
例如，如果你不喜欢吃肉，你的对象可能会试着说服你试试，
that you have to try it because it's delicious and one bite won't hurt.
他们会说你必须试试因为很美味，吃一口不会有事的。
They'll use any techniques possible to convince you that your opinion is wrong and should change
他们会利用任何技巧说服你，说你的观点是错的应该改变
and your personal boundaries are of no concern.
并且你的个人界限无关紧要。
If your partner overstep your boundaries often, it might be time to let go.
如果你的另一半经常越过你的界限，那么是时候放手了。
And lastly, you feel used.
最后你会感觉被利用了。
The long and the short of it is that if you're dating a narcissist,
总的来说，如果你在和自恋者约会，
you're going to feel a little used sometimes.
有时你会感到被利用。
Ask yourself if you feel satisfied in your interactions with your partner?
问问你自己，你是否对你们之间的交往满意呢？
Do they ask about you? Do they care about what you've been going through?
他们会过问你么？他们关心你的经历么？
If you find yourself tagging along on their adventures and listening to their gossip and big ideas for hours on end,
如果你发现自己总是跟着他们冒险，连续好几个小时听他们的八卦和创意
with no reciprocation, it's a sign that you find yourself dating a narcissist.
还和你丝毫没有互动，这预示着你在和自恋者交往。
Thank you so much for watching our video. I'm Ashley, you can follow me on some of my links below.
谢谢观看这期视频。我是Ashley，你可以通过以下链接关注我。
Be sure to follow psych2go on any of these platforms. See you in the next video.
一定要在各平台关注psych2go。下期见。
