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How you use your voice is really important and it's really driven by context more than anything else,
如何运用你的声音十分重要 与其他元素相比 声音是由语言驱动
so if you and your tone of voice will immediately begin to impact somebody's mood and immediately how their brain functions.
但是你说话的声调会很快影响他人的情绪和他们的大脑活动
There's actually scientific data out there now that shows us that
实际上现在有科学的数据表明
our brains will work up to 31 percent more effectively if we're in a good mood.
如果我们情绪不错我们大脑的运转速度会提高百分之三十
So if I smile at you and you see it or you can hear a smile in someone's voice,
所以如果你看到我对你微笑或者你从他人声音中感受到善意
if I automatically smile at you and you can hear that I like you,
如果我对你下意识微笑 你会明白我对你的好感
I will actually be able to reach into your brain, flip the positive the switch, it puts you in a better mood
并且这些积极信息能够 被大脑接收 好似拨动了一个开关 让你心情更好
there are mirror neurons in our brain that we have no control over; they automatically respond.
我们的大脑有很多不受控制的镜像神经元 他们只是做出自动反应
And if I intentionally put you in a good mood your brain will be working more effectively
如果你努力让你自己处于积极的情绪中 那么你的大脑会更加高效地运转
and that already begins to increase the chances that you're going to collaborate with me.
这会大大增加你我之间沟通的机率
You'll be smarter and you'll like me more at the same time.
你变得更聪明同时也会更青睐我
Now upward and downward inflexion, downward inflexion is often used to say this is the way it is; there's no other way.
现在聊聊升调和降调 降调通常用来表示这问题就只能这样了没有其他解决的方法
And I will say it exactly like that.
我就会像那样用降调说出来
If there is a term in a contract that there's no movement on
如果合同里有个术语专门表示事情丝毫没有进展
and I want you to know it and feel it without me having to say there's no movement on this,
这个情况让你知晓和感受到 而不需人直说
which maybe you want to yell at somebody
有可能你很想对着某人大喊大叫
and that's ineffective because that triggers a different part of the brain and makes people angry and they want to fight.
做这无用功 因为此种情况会引发大脑的一个不同部位会使人感到愤怒 激起反抗的欲望
And I've done this in contract negotiations.
我曾经把这个方法用在合同谈判上
I've said things like, "We don't do work for hire," just like that.
我说过像这样的话 我们不是为了工作而工作
It lets the other side know there's no movement whatsoever.
这句话就可以让另外一方了解没有任何进展迹象
I also may need to put you in a more collaborative frame of mind and if I want to ask you a question
在谈判中 我也许会需要调动出对方更渴望合作的态度 如果我想问你一个问题
I'll say something like it seems like this is important to you and I'll inflect up.
我会将音调微微上调 让你感觉这对你很重要
It's more driven by context.
由讲话的内容决定音调
And I can use an upward inflection to encourage you and smile while I'm questioning you.
我会用一种上升的语调来鼓励你或者在问你问题时保持微笑
And that will make you feel less attacked by being questioned
这样不会使你在被问问题时有种被攻击的感觉
because people are made to feel a little bit defensive when they're question anyway.
因为人们在被提问时总是有种抵触感
So if I know if I have to question you, if I want you to think about a different option
所以如果我必须要质疑你 想让你去考虑一个不同的选择
then I'm going to be as encouraging as possible while I may be very assertive at the same?time.
在尽可能鼓励你的同时我会表现的有些独断
The mirroring that I teach is not the same as the way most people think of mirroring.
我所说的镜像并不是大多数人理解的那个镜面映射
Most people when they think of mirroring they think mirroring body language, mirroring tone of voice, even using the same words.
大多数人理解镜像时会把模仿肢体语言 模仿音调甚至重复同一个词语
It's not that at all.
其实是错的
The mirroring that I teach is much more simplistic and interestingly enough has a great impact on how the other person interacts with you.
我所说的镜像更简单更有趣 能影响到其他人如何同你互动
And it's just repeating the last one to three words that they've said word for word,
仅仅是重复他们逐字逐句说的话的最后的一到三个词
one to three words or it's repeating a selected one to three words.
一到三个词或者重复选定的一到三个词
And what it really does is it helps connect people's thoughts.
这确实很帮助人们进行交流
There will almost never be a time when you mirrored the last three words of what someone said
如果人们想要继续解释深化扩展他们的观点
when they want to go on and explain and reword and expand.
你是不可能有时间重复他们说的最后几个字的
And that mirror what is has done as it helps give you a better understanding of what the other person is trying to say.
重复是为了帮助你更好的理解对方想要传达的信息
It also gives you more time to think.
这也给了你更多时间思考
It's a way to buy time in a negotiation for yourself.
它是在谈判中为自己赢得思考时间的一种方式
The other person doesn't see you buying time in any way shape or form.
其他人不会觉察到你在故意给自己留出更多的思考时间
It's a great way when you don't know what to say
这是一个很好的方式 当你不知道说什么
or where to go to keep them talking in a way that they're very comfortable with.
或者当你不知道从何说起才能使你们在融洽的氛围中交谈时
One of my clients actually mirrors his counterpart's positions every single time.
我的一个客户在谈判时每次其实只是重复了对方观点
Every time they make a statement on a position he simply mirrors it.
每当对方陈述观点他就简单的重复一遍
They'll repeat it and they'll expand it and every time he does that it also gives him a good feel
对方会重复 扩展自己的观点
for whether or not they're really stable in that position
这样他就有把握得知
or whether there's quite a bit of softness in a position completely based on how they reword and responded to?his mirror.
哪儿对方比较坚持哪儿有商量余地
So a mirror is a great way to keep somebody else talking very comfortably.
所以镜像模仿是使他人在交谈中很舒服的一种很实用的方式
The F word in negotiations is fair. Fair is the F bomb.
F在谈判中代表公平 公平是一个F炸弹
And when you begin to look for it it's stunning in how many negotiations somebody drops the F bomb in the negotiation.
当你注意到它的时候你会感到十分震惊 因为在谈判中人们扔了太多名为公平的炸弹
And when somebody says we just want what's fair, that's actually a really bad sign.
一旦有人提及想要的只是公平 这事实上就是一个很不好的征兆
One of two things is going on: now the cutthroat negotiators know how much I can punch your buttons
两件事的其一正在上演 分角必争的谈判者现在知道怎样触及你的底线
if I say I've given you a fair offer and that will immediately put you on the defensive
假如我说要给你一个公平的出价 这会直接让你处于防御状态
and make you worry about whether or not you're being fair,
并且担心是不是真的公平
and most people have an extinctive feeling about fair price, fair market.
大多数人都感觉根本不存在什么价格平等和市场公平
Fair is like this incredibly overused term in negotiations,
公平是一个在谈判公被过度使用的词汇
I just want what's fair, what's the fair market price.
例如我只想要公平 什么是公平的市场价格等话
So if I say I've given you a fair offer and I'm accusing you of being unfair I immediately knocked you back on your heels.
所以如果我说我会给你一个公平的提议 其实是在控诉你占便宜并马上回击你的死穴
It's a way for me to gain an advantage on you, if I'm that kind of a negotiator.
如果我是一个重利益的谈判者 这会是取得优势的好方法
The flipside of that is maybe I've been assertive enough in the negotiations
事情的另一面可能是我在谈判中太独断
and I haven't been using enough tactical empathy
没有运用足够的战略上的移情作用
that the other person feels like I'm taking, taking, taking from them and they'll respond with, "I just want what's fair."
给别人的感觉好像是我一直在从他们身上谋取利益 他们只能用我只想要公平这句话来回应我
That may be someone genuinely telling me, very indirectly, that they feel I've been far too aggressive.
也许有人会真诚的间接暗示他们觉得你太过张狂
And if they feel I've been aggressive and if they feel treated unfairly,
如果给对方留下这种印象 或者他们觉得自己被不公平的对待
one of two things is going to happen: they're either going to walk away from a great deal
另一件事会随后发生 他们会放弃大单子
or they're going to make implementation painful.
或者会使合同落实变得困难重重
And when implementation of a negotiation is painful, when they drag their feet,
当谈判进行地很不顺利 当他们一直拖延成交的进程
when they don't make deadlines, when they don't deliver the product quality they're supposed to deliver,
当他们一直不设最后期限 也不再按要求保证产品质量
when they're not as thorough and paying as much attention to detail
当他们不太注重生产产品的细节时
because they didn't feel it was a fair deal, they'll destroy your profit.
因为他们感觉这不是一次公平的交易 他们同时会伤害你的利益
So you have to really keep an eye out for the F bomb in negotiations.
所以你在谈判时一定要留意公平炸弹
And when somebody else feels they've been treated unfairly they're probably going to hurt you over it.
因为当谈判中有人感觉自己没有受到公平待遇的时 他们很可能会损害你的利益
