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Anyway, it's amazing how time flies.
不管怎样，时间过的很神奇。
Soon, the first presidential contest will take place, and I for one cannot wait to see who the Koch brothers pick.
很快，第一轮总统竞选将开始，我迫不及待地想看看谁科赫兄弟的选择。
It's exciting.
这真令人兴奋。
Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, who will finally get that red rose?
马克罗·鲁比奥，兰德·保罗，泰德·克鲁兹，杰布·布什，斯科特·沃克，谁将最终得到红玫瑰呢？
The winner gets a billion dollar war chest.
获胜者将赢得十亿美元的战争基金。
The runner-up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of "The Bachelor."
亚军获得《单身汉》下赛季的单身汉资格。
I mean seriously, a billion dollars from just two guys.
我是认真的，仅出自两个人的十亿美元。
Is it just me, or does that feel a little excessive?
只有我觉得有点过了么？
I mean, it's almost insulting to the candidates.
我的意思是，它几乎是在侮辱候选人。
The Koch brothers think they think to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people.
科赫兄弟认为他们得花十亿美元才能让人们喜欢这些人之一。
It's got to hurt their feelings a little bit.
这有点儿伤感情了。
And, look, I know I've raised a lot of money too, but in all fairness, my middle name is Hussein.
看，我知道我也筹集了大量的资金，但平心而论，我的中间名是侯赛因。
What's their excuse?
他们有啥借口？
The trail hasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either.
这条路对我的民主党同伴来说也同样不容易。
As we all know Hillary's private e-mails got her in trouble.
我们都知道希拉里的私人邮件给她带来了麻烦。
Frankly, I thought it was going to be her private Instagram account that was going to cause her bigger problems.
坦白说，我觉得她私人Instagram账户将导致更大的问题。
Hillary kicked things off by going completely unrecognized at a Chipotle.
希拉里不知情的在Chipotle拉开了序幕。
Not to be outdone, Martin O' Malley went completely unrecognized as a Martin O' Malley campaign event.
不甘示弱地，马丁·马利在马丁·马利竞选活动中就完全未被认出。
And Bernie Sanders might run.
伯尼·桑德斯也可能竞选。
I like Bernie.
我喜欢伯尼。
Bernie's an interesting guy.
伯尼是个有趣的家伙。
Apparently, some folks really want to see a pot-smoking socialist in the White House.
显然，有些人非常想看到实际的社会主义者在白宫抽大烟。
We could get a third Obama term after all.
毕竟咱们可以来一个奥巴马第三届任期。
It could happen.
这可能发生。
Anyway, as always, I want to close on a more serious note.
总之，我想像往常一样来一个严肃点儿的结尾。
You know, I often joke about tensions between me and the press, but honestly, what they say doesn't bother me.
我经常调侃媒体和我之间的紧张关系，但说实话，他们说的话根本对我造不成困扰。
I understand we've got an adversarial system.
我理解我们有一个敌对的系统。
I'm a mellow sort of guy.
我是个本性醇厚的人。
And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight.
所以我请了我的愤怒翻译官卢瑟，今晚来陪伴我
