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Very quietly my granddad said, "You can't dwell on what might have been, Bryce."
外公很平静地说：“你不能总想着那些可能的却没有发生的事，布莱斯。”
Then, like he could read my mind, he added, "And it's not fair to condemn him for something he hasn't done."
然后，就像他知道我的想法一样，他加上：“你不能因为一些他没有做的事而指责他。”
I nodded and tried to get a grip, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it. Then he said, "By the way, I appreciated your comment before."
我点头，试着控制住自己，但是我并没有太成功。然后他说：“对啦，我感谢你刚才的评论。”
"What?" I asked, but my throat was feeling all pinched and swollen.
“什么？”我问，但是我的喉咙却感觉异常肿胀。
"About your grandmother. How did you know that?"
“关于你外婆。你是怎么知道的？”
I shook my head and said, "Juli told me."
我摇了摇头，“朱莉告诉我的。”
"Oh? You spoke with her, then?"
“哦？那么你和她谈话了？”
"Yeah. Actually, I apologized to her."
“是的。事实上，我向她道歉了。”
"Well!"
“嗯！”
"And I was feeling a lot better about everything, but now... God, I feel like such a jerk again."
“而且我对这一切都感觉好多了，但现在...天哪，我又觉得自己是个坏蛋了。”
"Don't. You apologized, and that's what matters." He stood up and said, "Say, I'm in the mood for a walk. Want to join me?"
“不用。你道歉了，这才是重要的。”他站起来说，“我想出去走走。你要一起吗？”
Go for a walk? What I wanted to do was go to my room, lock the door, and be left alone.
去走走？我想做的是回到我房间，锁上门，不受任何打扰。
"I find it really helps to clear the mind," he said, and that's when I realized that this wasn't just a walk -- this was an invitation to do something together.
“我发现那样会让脑子清醒很多。”他说，然后我才意识到这不仅是去散步--这是个一起做些什么的邀请。
I stood up and said, "Yeah. Let's get out of here."
我站起来说，“好。让我们离开这儿。”
For a guy who'd only basically ever said Pass the salt to me, my granddad turned out to be a real talker.
作为一个只对我说把盐给我的男人，我外公其实是个挺会聊的人。
We walked our neighborhood and the next neighborhood and the next neighborhood, and not only did I find out that my granddad knows a lot of stuff, I found out that the guy is funny.
我们走完了我们的街区，下一个街区和在下个街区，而我不仅仅发现我外公懂得很多事情，我还发现他其实很幽默。
In a subtle kind of dry way. It's the stuff he says, plus the way he says it. It's really, I don't know, cool.
带着一点微妙的一本正经。他说的事情，再加上他说的方式。这非常酷。
As we were winding back into our own territory, we passed by the house that's going up where the sycamore tree used to be.
既然我们在自己的领土上，我们经过了一座房子，那里原来是那棵梧桐树。
My granddad stopped, looked up into the night, and said, "It must've been a spectacular view."
外公停了下来，向上看着天空，然后说：“那一定是非常壮观的景象。”
I looked up, too, and noticed for the first time that night that you could see the stars. "Did you ever see her up there?" I asked him.
我也向上看，然后第一次注意到在那样的夜晚能够看见星星。“你以前见过她在上面吗？”我问他。
"Your mother pointed her out to me one time as we drove by. It scared me to see her up so high, but after I read the article I understood why she did it."
“有一次我们经过的时候你妈妈指给了我看。我看到她在那么高有点儿害怕，但是我读了报道之后才了解了她为什么这么做。”
He shook his head. "The tree's gone, but she's still got the spark it gave her. Know what I mean?"
他摇了摇头，“树已经不见了，但是她身上还带着它的光辉。懂我的意思吗？”
Luckily I didn't have to answer. He just grinned and said, "Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss."
幸运的是我不需要回答。他露齿一笑然后说：“我们当中有些人浅薄，有些人金玉其外，而败絮其中。
He turned to me. "But every once in a while you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare."
但是有一天你会遇到一个像彩虹般绚丽的人。当你遇到这个人后，会觉得其他人只是浮云而已。”
As we walked up to our front porch, my grandfather put his arm around my shoulder and said, "It was nice walking with you, Bryce. I enjoyed myself very much."
我们朝着前面的门廊走去，外公把手搭在了我肩上说：“能和你走走很好，布莱斯，我很享受。”
"Me too," I told him, and we went inside.
“我也是。”我告诉他，然后我们走了进去。
Right away we knew we'd stepped into a war zone. And even though no one was yelling or crying, from the look on my parents' faces I could tell there'd been a major meltdown while my granddad and I were out.
我们一下就知道我们踏进了战争圈。虽然没有人在喊叫或是哭，但从我父母的脸色来看，在我和外公离开的时间这里发生了很大的战争。
Granddad whispered to me, "I've got another fence to mend, I'm afraid," and headed into the dining room to talk to my parents.
外公对我低语道：“还有一扇篱笆要补呢。”然后他走进了餐厅和我父母谈话。
I wanted nothing to do with that vibe. I went straight to my room, closed the door, and flopped through the darkness onto my bed.
在那样的环境下我什么都不想做。我直接回了房间，关上门，然后投入了床上一片黑暗之中。
I lay there awhile and let the dinner disaster play through my mind.
我清醒地躺在那儿，晚餐时灾难性的画面反复在脑海里上演。
And when I'd totally burned a fuse thinking about it, I sat up and looked out the window.
而我的想法让自己都觉得不舒服，我坐起来看着窗户。
There was a light on somewhere inside the Bakers' house and the streetlights were glowing, but the night still seemed really dense. Like it was darker than usual and, I don't know, heavy.
贝克家的某个房间灯还亮着，街灯也在发光，但是夜晚似乎还是弄得化不开。看起来比往常更加黑暗而沉重。
I leaned closer to the window and looked up into the sky, but I couldn't see the stars anymore. I wondered if Juli had ever been in the sycamore at night. Among the stars.
我向前倾靠近窗户，看向了天空，但是我不能再看见星星。我想知道朱莉是否在夜晚爬上过梧桐树，被星星环绕。
I shook my head. Flat, glossy, iridescent. What was up with that? Juli Baker had always seemed just plain dusty to me.
我摇了摇头。浅薄？浮华？绚丽？那都是什么意思？朱莉·贝克在我看来一直都只是布满灰尘啊。
I snapped on my desk lamp and dug the newspaper with the article about Juli out of the drawer where I'd tossed it.
我突然打开了台灯，从抽屉里翻出了我以前扔进去的写了朱莉报道的报纸。
Just like I thought -- they made it sound like Juli was trying to save Mount Rushmore or something.
就像我想的那样--他们把朱莉写的像是她要去保护拉什莫尔山。
They called her a "strong voice in an urban wilderness" and "a radiant beacon, shedding light on the need to curtail continued overdevelopment of our once quaint and tranquil community."
他们称她“城市沙漠中的有力声音”和“一座放光的灯塔，让人看清我们原先古朴宁静的社区需要摆脱持续的过度发展。”
Spare me. I mean, what's wrong with letting a guy cut down a tree on his own property so he can build a house?
饶了我吧。我的意思是，一个人在自己的房地产上砍掉一棵树建一个房子有什么错？
His lot, his tree, his decision. End of story. The piece in the paper was gag-me gush.
他的地，他的树，他的决定。这就完了。报纸上的新闻对我来说就是个笑话。
Except. Except for the places where they quoted Juli.
除了，除了引用朱莉的话的地方。
Maybe it was just in contrast to the reporter's slant or something, but Juli's parts didn't come off oh-woe-is-me like I was expecting.
也许是因为对比了编辑倾向性报道的，但是朱莉的部分并不是像我所想的“哦，我好苦啊”。
They were, I don't know, deep. Sitting in that tree was seriously philosophical to her.
它们，也许更深刻。坐在那棵树上对朱莉来说有很大的哲学意义。
And the odd thing is, it all made sense to me.
而且最奇怪的事是，我居然会觉得这些都言之有理。
She talked about what it felt like to be up in that tree, and how it, like, transcended dimensional space.
她讲了在树上的感觉，还有怎样超越了空间的限度。
"To be held above the earth and brushed by the wind," she said, "it's like your heart has been kissed by beauty."
“置身于世界之巅触摸风，”她说，“就像你的心在触摸美丽。”
Who in junior high do you know that would put together a sentence like that? None of my friends, that's for sure.
哪个初中生懂得写出这样的话呢？我的朋友一个也不会，这是肯定的。
There was other stuff, too, like how something can be so much more than the parts it took to make it, and why people need things around them that lift them above their lives and make them feel the miracle of living.
还有其他的东西，像有些东西是比它各个部分的总和大得多，还有为什么人们需要俯视他们的生活，让他们感受到奇迹。
I wound up reading and re-reading her parts, wondering when in the world she started thinking like that.
我会一遍又一遍地读她的部分，心想她究竟什么时候开始有这样的想法。
I mean, no kidding, Juli Baker's smart, but this was something way beyond straight A's.
我的意思是，没错，朱莉·贝克很聪明，但是这些已经远远超过一个“优秀”了。
A month ago if I'd read this article, I would have chucked it in the trash as complete garbage, but for some reason it made sense to me now. A lot of sense.
一个月前如果我读到这篇文章，我会把它当做十足的垃圾扔进垃圾箱，但是现在它对我来说却是有道理的，有很多道理。
A month ago I also wouldn't have paid any attention to the picture of Juli, but now I found myself staring at it.
一个月前我也不会注意到朱莉的照片，但是现在我却发现自己盯着它。
Not the one of the whole scene -- that was more emergency rescue equipment than Juli. The other one, on the bottom half of the page.
不是整个的背景图--那张图片上的紧急援救设备比朱莉还多。是另外一张，在这页的下半部分。
Someone must've used a killer telephoto lens, because you can tell that she's in the tree, but it's mostly from the shoulders up.
肯定是有人用了长焦镜头拍摄的，因为你能看出她在树上，可照片是从肩膀上方开始的。
She's looking off into the distance and the wind is blowing her hair back like she's at the helm of a ship or something, sailing into the sun.
她正眺望着远方，风吹起她的头发，好像她正在船舵上，驶向太阳。
I'd spent so many years avoiding Juli Baker that I'd never really looked at her, and now all of a sudden I couldn't stop.
我花了很多年避开她，却从没有真正看过她，而现在我突然无法停下来。
This weird feeling started taking over the pit of my stomach, and I didn't like it. Not one bit. To tell you the truth, it scared the Sheetrock out of me.
这种奇怪的感觉充满了我的胃，我不喜欢这感觉。一点儿也没有。事实上，这吓到了我。
I buried the paper under my pillow and tried to remind myself of what a pain Juli Baker was.
我把那张报纸藏在了枕头下，并试着去告诉自己朱莉·贝克是个多么平凡的人。
But my mind started to wander again, and pretty soon I had that stupid paper out from under my pillow.
但是我的思想却开始迷失，没过多久我就把那张无聊的报纸从枕头下拿了出来。
This was insane! What was I doing? I made myself shut out the light and go to bed. I was slipping, man, and it was definitely time to get a grip.
这太疯狂了！我到底在做什么？我控制住自己关掉灯去睡觉。我终于摆脱了它，天哪，这绝对是时候学会控制自己了。
