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Hey kids, remember the plague, malaria, smallpox?
嘿，小孩，还记得鼠疫、疟疾、天花吗？
Kind of bad right?
都是灾难，对吧？
Well guess what, they're peanuts compared to the level of destruction that's been wreaked over the years across the kingdom next door.
但你猜怎么着，和隔壁植物王国多年来所遭受的破坏相比，它们简直就是小卡拉米。
Today I'm going to talk about some of the most interesting diseases to ever strike the world of plants.
今天我要讲一些曾经袭击植物界的最有趣的疾病。
The most famous one is probably the potato blight; it's a fungus that attacks potatoes. This this is what it looks like.
最著名的可能是马铃薯枯萎病，这是一种侵袭马铃薯的真菌，看起来是这样的。
On the left we have a healthy potato, while on the right we have a blighty one.
左边是一个健康的土豆，右边是一个得病的土豆。
Notice how this one is noble and robust, like a lion's heart.
请看这颗土豆是多么高贵而强健，宛如雄狮的心脏。
While the other is shriveled and black, like Betsy DeVos's uterus.
而另一颗土豆则萎缩发黑，宛如贝西·戴弗斯的子宫。（注：戴弗斯是美国前教育部长，反对堕胎。）
So in 1845 Ireland relied a lot on potatoes, right?
在1845年，爱尔兰非常依赖土豆，对吧？
That's cuz their soil was dumb and that's the most nutritious thing they could grow.
那是因为他们的土壤很贫瘠，土豆是他们能种出的最有营养的东西了。
Then the blight came and all their food turned to poo.
然后发生了枯萎病，他们的所有粮食都烂掉了。
1 million starved; 2 million left.
一百万爱尔兰人饿死，两百万爱尔兰人离开祖国。
They came to America; they brought freckles and these things.
这两百万人来到了美国，他们带来了雀斑，以及剃刀党。（注：红发、雀斑、白皮肤是爱尔兰人的基因特征。）
Hoy ta toy ta toy. Now we have the Celtics.
哦啦啦啦哦，还有了凯尔特人队。
Next is the chestnut blight, which infects, you guessed it, the elderly. Wait no, that's shingles.
接下来是板栗枯萎病，它感染的是，你猜对了，老年人。等等，不对，那是带状疱疹。
Chestnut blight infects American chestnut trees,
板栗枯萎病感染的是美国栗树，
which once populated a huge portion of the South and Mid-Atlantic regions of the country.
这些栗树曾经遍布美国南部和大西洋沿岸中部的广大区域。
Key word: once.
关键词：曾经。
During the early 20th century, the blight arrived,
在20世纪初，枯萎病出现了，
which ended up killing around 4 billion trees over the course of a couple decades.
并在几十年的时间里，最终杀死了大约40亿棵栗树。
Hey, remember that time 4 billion giant things died inexplicably?
嘿，还记得那次有40亿个巨大的东西莫名其妙地死了吗？
Me neither. Nobody does. Let me give some perspective on the situation.
我也不记得，没人记得。让我讲一下这是什么概念。
Those trees were huge, like 40 m tall a piece.
栗树非常高大，每一棵都有40米高。
That means 160 million kilometers of tree was destroyed by this disease.
这意味着有1.6亿千米的树被这种疾病摧毁了。
That's long enough to get from the Earth to the Sun with 10 million km to spare.
这足够从地球延伸到太阳，还有1000万千米的富余。
Here's another: if we take the volume of all these trees, we get 126 billion cubic meters.
或者，如果我们计算所有这些树的体积，那就是1260亿立方米。
If we burn that much wood, we get 861 quadrillion joules of energy.
如果我们燃烧那么多木头，我们将获得861万亿焦耳的能量。
That's the amount released by the bomb dropped on Hiroshima, times 10,000.
这相当于广岛原子弹释放的能量，再乘以一万。
So yeah, kind of a big deal.
所以这确实是件大事。
Anyway, moving on. This next one is called, get ready, broomrape.
总之继续吧，下一个叫做，准备好，列当植物（扫帚强奸）。
I'm serious, broomrape, broomrape.
我是认真的，列当植物，列当植物。
Wikipedia, broomrape. Naked broomrape.
维基百科，列当植物。列当寄生病。
Imagine if we gave human illnesses names like that.
想象一下，如果人类的疾病是这样命名的。
I'm sorry, Sam, but you have urethra cactus.
很抱歉，山姆，你得了尿道仙人掌病。
I would just end it right there, doesn't even matter what the actual symptoms are.
我就直接自杀好啦，实际症状是什么都不重要了。
Anyway, broomrape is considered a parasitic plant.
总之，列当被认为是一种寄生植物。
This is what it does.
它会干这些坏事。
The seeds of the broomrape will hang out in the soil for years until the roots of a host plant come along.
列当的种子会在土壤中潜伏多年，直到宿主植物的根出现。
When they do, the broomrape bursts out of its shell and immediately starts leeching off the other organism.
根出现后，列当的种子会破壳而出，立即开始从其他生物体中吸血。
Eventually, once they grow enough, they'll breach the surface with these little flowers.
最终，一旦长得足够大，它们就会破土而出，开出这种小花。
Notice, no leaves, no green.
注意，没有叶子，没有绿色。
Who needs chlorophyll when you're a filthy freeloader, right?
你都是个肮脏的寄生虫了，还需要叶绿素干什么呢，对吧？
These flowers get fertilized and the whole thing starts over.
这些花朵受精后，整个过程再次循环。
Just one of these guys isn't a big deal to the host.
只有一株列当对宿主来说不是什么大事。
But once you get enough, they have the potential to suck an entire farm dry, causing sweeping crop failure.
但是一旦数量够多，它们就有可能吸干整个农场，导致大范围的作物歉收。
Pun definitely intended.
故意的双关。
Next is this one.
接下来是这个。
There's a few different ways you can pronounce it depending on your social standing, ranging from urr-git to eerhr-geaux.
这个词有几种不同的发音，具体看你的社会地位了，可以是“呃儿给特”，也可以是“埃呵郭”。（注：前一种是英语发音，后一种是法语发音。）
Being the disheveled pauper I am, I prefer err-get, rolls off the tongue, you know.
作为一个衣冠不整的穷人，我更喜欢“呃儿get”这个发音，说起来很顺口。
Ergot is a fungus that mainly infects grains like wheat, barley, and especially rye.
麦角菌是一种真菌，主要感染谷物，如小麦、大麦，尤其是黑麦。
And it's capable of producing a whole soup of compounds called alkaloids,
它能够产生一系列被称为生物碱的化合物，
which can have a variety of effects on the human body.
这些化合物对人体有多种不同的影响。
Most of them not fun, mostly spasms and diarrhea that kind of thing.
大多数并不好玩，主要是痉挛和腹泻之类的症状。
However, one particular alkaloid called ergotamine structurally resembles LSD and has a similar function when it enters the body.
然而，有一种特别的生物碱叫做麦角胺，它的化学结构与LSD相似，而且当它进入人体时，具有类似的作用。（注：LSD是一种致幻剂的成分。）
So a medieval peasant would be sitting there, eating a nice loaf of rye bread, just minding his own business,
所以一个中世纪农民会坐在那里，吃着一块美味的黑麦面包，想着自己的事，
then all of a sudden, holy sh*, I'm blasting out of both ends.
然后突然间，我的老天啊，我上吐下泻。
My heart's a-seizing, my lungs a-wheezing, the f* walls are melting.
我的心脏在剧烈收缩，我的肺在呼哧喘气，见鬼的墙壁在融化。（注：a-doing是中世纪英语的doing形式。）
I can hear Satan's voice. He's telling me to...invest in Apple.
我能听见撒旦的声音。他叫我去......去买苹果的股票。
What does that mean?
这是什么意思？
Why does he want me to buy apples?
他为什么让我去买苹果？
This would go on for like a day.
这种情况会持续大约一天。
Sometimes their fingers and toes would fall off, but then they'd be all right.
有时候他们的手指和脚趾会脱落，但熬过这些之后就没事了。
Unless they weren't.
除非他们没熬过去。
Moral of the story, kids: don't eat strange bread.
孩子们，这个故事告诉我们的道理是，不要吃奇怪的面包。
You could trip balls and die.
你可能会脑内蹦迪，然后死掉。
One more thing before we end today's video,
最后再说一件事，
I've decided to launch a second channel for all the dumb stuff I think of that doesn't fit the academy format.
我决定开一个小号，发各种我想到的，但不适合历史学院调性的无聊东西。
It's called Sam O' Nella Vlog.
名字叫“山姆·奥内拉Vlog”。
Go check it out. It's in the description. I wrote a slam poem, it's there, go look.
去看看吧，在简介里有链接，我发了首表演型打油诗，快去看。
Anyway, that's all for today, till next time.
总之，今天就这样，下次见。
I'm Sam O' Nella and thank you for watching.
我是山姆·奥内拉，感谢您的观看。
