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Well, you guys, this is huge. Earlier today, House Democrats unveiled the official articles of impeachment against President Trump,
朋友们，这个消息很大，今天早间，众议院民主党公布了针对特朗普的官方弹劾条款，
which the media called giant, historic, and a very big deal. That's right,
媒体称之为重大，具有历史意义，而且影响深远，没错。
The impeachment has now reached Baby Yoda status.
目前弹劾进入了婴儿尤达的状态。
As she announced the charges against Trump, Nancy Pelosi called it a solemn day.
就在佩洛西宣布针对特朗普的指控后，她称之为庄严的一天。
Yeah, you could barely tell she was flossing behind the podium.
没错，你很难看出她在讲台后面正在摇摆。
Charges against the president are very grave. Very serious. Solemn day.
针对总统的指控是重大的，很严肃，庄严的一天。
At the press conference, Adam Schiff said for Congress, the impeachment is not a matter of facts.
在新闻发布会上，亚当·希夫表示称对于国会而言，弹劾不是关于事实。
It is rather a question of duty. Trump heard that and was like, Hey, speaking of question of duty,
而是关于对责任的质疑，小特听到后说嗨，说到对责任的质疑，
how many times do you flush? I'm up to the mid teens. Meanwhile, committee chairman Jerry Nadler said
你冲了几次厕所？我达到了青少年中期的标准，同时，委员会主席杰里·纳德勒称
Trump consistently puts himself above the country. And in response, Trump accused Nadler of consistently putting his pants above his nipples.
小特一直将自己凌驾于国家，对此小特指责纳德勒一直将内裤放在乳头之上。
Nadler then said, We must be clear. No one, not even the president is above the law. Yeah, it's strange,
纳德勒之后称我们需要清除的是，没人可以凌驾于法律之上，小特也不行，没错，但很奇怪，
but it seemed like Nadler kept using Steven Seagal movie to explain the impeachment.
但似乎纳德勒一直在用史蒂文·西格尔的电影来解释弹劾。
First, he said, Not even the president is above the law.
首先他说，甚至总统都不能凌驾于法律。
Then he said, Trump has left our democracy under siege, and that we made a poor executive decision.
之后他说，小特让我们的民主遭受攻击，对此我们做出了糟糕的行政命令。
And it's Congress' job to be out for justice. And finally, Nadler said that even though Trump's hair is red on top,
捍卫正义是国会的工作，最后纳德勒说即使小特头顶上的头发是红色的，
there's also a fire down below. He kept doing it. There you go.
下面也一样一团火，他一直在这么说，好吧。
While the Democrats were unveiling their articles of impeachmen against Trump, there was a photo taken at the press conference.
此外，民主党公布了对小特的弹劾条款，来看看新闻发布会的照片。
Take a look at this. Yeah, and you can kind of tell what everyone is thinking. For instance, Nancy Pelosi is thinking,
看看，没错，你可以看出人们在想的事情，比如佩洛西在思考，
Remember, serious on the outside, Christmas morning on the inside.
记住，外面要表情严肃，内心要很开心。
Carolyn Maloney is thinking, I think those five shots of Jager were a bad idea.
麦隆尼在思考，我认为五杯野格不是坏主意。
Here, you could tell Eliot Engel is thinking, I think there's some soup in my mustache.
你可以看出艾略特在思考，我觉得我的胡子上有汤。
Better get it real quick. Also, Jerry Nadler is thinking When does a tie get so wide that it's considered a scarf?
真相现在来一碗，然后是纳德勒在思考，怎么领带变得那么宽，怎么就成了围巾？
Finally, the painting of George Washington is thinking, I shouldn't have gotten my wife a Peloton for Christmas.
最后，乔治华盛顿的画作在想，我不应该给妻子在圣诞节时买Peloton健身器材。
Just got to... Don't do it. After the press conference, a reporter on MSNBC was trying to break down the articles of impeachment
应该，不要这么做，在新闻发布会之后，来自微软全国广播公司的记者试图解读弹劾条款，
at the Capitol but had some competition. Take a look at this. Walk us through these two specific articles of impeachment.
而且是在国会，但她却遇到了挑战，来看看，来和我们解读一下具体两个条款。
Yeah, reporting from the halls of Congress, which, as you can hear, are filled with the sounds of holiday cheer.
没错，从国会门厅的报道，你可以听到，充满了节日欢乐的声音。
So let's just go with it. Going through this short document, there's two things that they were trying to demonstrate here.
来让我们看看条款，听过这个简短的文件，有两个事情我们需要在这里说明一下。
Wow. Is Nancy Pelosi in a good mood or what? I mean, like...Dah who doraze, yahoo oray.
哦哦，佩洛西是心情大好还是咋的？我的意思是，哒哒，哒哒，啦啦，啦啦。
Some 2020 news. I saw that Democratic candidates have until Thursday to qualify for the next debate.
来看看2020年的新闻，听说民主党候选人直到周四才拥有下次辩论的资格。
Some of them are getting very desperate. Today, Cory Booker tried to gain support by wearing a Bernie Sanders wig.
许多人感到很紧迫，今天科里·布克试图再次获得支持，通过桑德斯的假头套。
I thought that was odd. Well, this is a big deal. I saw that Russia has been banned from competing in the 2020 Olympics due to a doping scandal.
我认为这个很奇怪，好吧还是大新闻，听说俄罗斯禁止参加明年的奥运会，因为兴奋剂丑闻。
Of course they're disappointed, so to cheer up the athletes, Russia has decided to hold its very own Olympics,
当然，他们很失望，为了让运动员高兴起来，俄罗斯决定举办自己的奥运会，
and the events are pretty interesting. For example, you can compete in the 100-meter dash from bear.
比赛项目很有意思，比如你可以参加100米狗熊追逐赛。
You can also compete in the Chernobyl marathon.
你可以参加切尔诺贝利马拉松。
And finally, shirtless horseback riding. You know it's gonna be very interesting. Wow. Very interesting. Can't wait. You guys see this?
最后，不穿上衣的骑马比赛，你知道一定很有趣，哦哦，很有趣，不能等待，你们看这个新闻了吗？
I saw that a Bible-themed video game is coming out. People are very excited about this.
听说圣经主题的电玩即将发布，人们很期待。
It allows you to perform miracles as Jesus. We actually have a clip of the game.
作为耶稣，玩家可以使用魔幻的功能，我们还有游戏的视频。
This is the real game. You can...So you can... This is the game. So apparently,
这是真实的，你可以，所以你可以，这就是游戏，很显然，
they've updated it so you can perform some more modern miracles.
他们对游戏升级了，这样你可以使用一些现代化的魔法。
Like putting a duvet on a comforter in less than 10 minutes. Or turning water into White Claw.
比如在不到10分钟里，将羽绒被放在被罩里，或者将水变成白爪饮料。
Or miracles like eating a Nature Valley granola bar without getting oat gravel all on your keyboard.
或许比如吃一个天然山谷香脆谷物棒，而且可以不让键盘上留下燕麦粒。
And, of course, knowing whether to swipe or insert the chip on the first try.
当然，知道第一次是刷芯片还是插入芯片。
No. Insert? Not yet. Swipe? Not yet. And finally, I saw that the CEO of Away luggage is stepping down and she's being replaced
不，插入？不是，刷？不是，最后，听说Away行李箱执行官辞职了，她被一名
with an executive from Lululemon. The guy from Lululemon isn't sure if it's a great fit
来自露露柠檬的瑜伽服装品牌经理替换了，这个来自露露柠檬的人不确定是否能干好，
but he's going to squeeze himself in there anyway. We have a great show.
但他怎么着也要挤进去，我们今晚的节目很精彩。
