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What the hell did you do to my apartment?
你把我公寓搞成什么鬼样子了？
It looks like you could film a douche commercial in here.
看起来就像拍阴道清洗液的广告现场。
Oleg, this is what you asked for: Romantic.
奥列格，这就是你想要的效果：浪漫。
Romantic? My place went from Fifty Shades Of Grey to fifty shades of beige.
浪漫吗？我家从淫乱天堂变成了屎黄色地狱。
Where's my sex swing? Where's my sex chair?
我的性爱秋千呢？我的性爱椅子呢？
Where's my poster that says, "Poke her in the front, lick her in the back"?
我的那张上面写着，"捅她前面，舔她后面"的海报呢？
Oleg, relax. All your stuff's either in the basement or the closet.
奥列格，冷静。你东西不是在地下室就在衣柜。
And I think would know more about what a woman would like to come home to
我觉得我更了解女人喜欢的家的样子，
than a man whose last girlfriend was made in the Philippines.
这至少比一个男人的前女友是用菲律宾橡胶做的强。
It's me! Hide your kids! Hide your wife!
我来了！赶紧把孩子藏起来！把你老婆也藏起来！
Sophie! She can't know you're here.
苏菲！她不能知道你们在这里。
Go, go, all of you. Han! Get in the closet!
快走，你们快走。阿憨，躲进衣柜里！
Putting a guy who's in the closet in the closet? That's like gay nesting dolls.
叫一个还没出柜的男人躲进衣柜，就像基佬版嵌套娃娃一样。
I'm not gay. I'm a metrosexual.
我不是基佬。我是都市花美男。
