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Good morning, Leonard. How many times have I asked you not to do that?
早啊 莱纳德 我告诉过你多少次了不要那么做
Counting this instance? 317. Where's Penny?
算上这次吗 317次 佩妮呢
She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit.
她回她家去了 我猜应该是去洗澡加呕吐了
Not necessarily in that order. I wonder why she didn't say goodbye.
顺序不一定是按这个 她为啥都没道别一下呢
Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?
你是在叫我解释一下人类行为吗
I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.
难为你了 我只是觉得当局者迷 旁观者清嘛
I have no difficulty believing you're not butter.
我相信你个小东西绝对不是黄油
Oh, hey. Oh, hi.Um, I gotta run. Early shift.
嘿 嗨 我得赶紧走了 早班
Okay, I'll walk down with you.
好啊 我和你一起下楼
So, last night was fun, huh?
昨晚挺有意思的 对吧
Yeah, it must have been. I just threw up in my closet.
那必须的 我刚吐在我壁橱里了
Bummer. Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie.
杯具啊 我在想啊 咱俩今晚去看场电影如何
Oh, yeah, tonight's not great for me.
今晚我不太方便
Doesn't have to be tonight. I'm free pretty much always.
不一定是今天晚上 我差不多啥时候都有空
Leonard, last night was a mistake.
莱纳德 昨晚那件事是个错误
When you say "Mistake," Do you mean a fortunate mistake, like the discovery of penicillin?
你说"错误" 是塞翁失马那种吗 就比如发现青霉素
Look, I'm sorry. I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened?
我很抱歉 我喝高了 很寂寞 我讨厌扎克 咱俩就当没发生过好吗
No, it's pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing.
不行 整件事几乎已经刻在我脑子里了 特别是骑术表演那部分
Oh, God! So, that's it? Wham, bam, thank you, Leonard?
老天 就这样啊 提上裤子就不认人啦
Look, I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go?
我都道歉了 你就别纠结这事儿了行吗
How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for sex!
你说的倒轻松啊 你居然把我当泄欲对象
Morning, Mrs. Gunderson. Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say "Yeehaw"?
早安 冈德森太太 早啊 莱纳德 或者我该说 "咦哈"
Holy crap. What? We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.
我靠 怎么了 我们终于证实了人类之中藏有外星人
Excuse me? The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.
你说啥 这个约会网站找到了个适合谢尔顿的女人
You're kidding. An actual woman?
不可能吧 一个实实在在的女人
Yeah, look. Breasts and everything.
你看 胸部 该有的都有
Trust me, breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman.
相信我 有胸的不一定就是女人
Since when? I'll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.
啥时候有这么一说 我回头给你看张我路易叔叔穿泳装的照片
Leonard, you gotta see this. We found a match for Sheldon.
莱纳德 快来看啊 我们居然找到适合谢尔顿的姑娘了
Great. Maybe she can have sex with him, and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a "How do you do?"
很好 说不定她会跟他上床 然后第二天一早连个招呼都不打就闪人
Do you know what he's talking about?
你知道他说啥呢吗
Nope. Why don't you ask him?
不知道 你问问呗
Leonard, what are you talking about?
莱纳德 你说啥呢
I don't want to talk about it. That was a lousy suggestion.
我不想谈这个 瞧你出的这馊主意
Whatever. Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an email to his perfect match.
随便啦 现在谢尔顿·库珀博士要给他的真命天女发封邮件
"Greetings, fellow lifeform...If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it.
"您好 同类生物" 她能做到 那我也能 她能做到 那我也能
If she can do it, I can do it. I can't do it.
她能做到 那我也能 我无能了
Hello? Oh, hi. Hey.Hi, Leslie.
谁啊 你好 你好啊 莱斯利
Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here?
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德 有何贵干
Uh, I know! It's been a while! Yeah, 18 months.
是啊 咱俩好久没见了 对啊 18个月
Right. Right. So how you doing? Fine. You?
是啊 是啊 你怎么样啊 挺好的 你呢
Uh, not bad. You remember when we used to have sex and you said that it didn't mean anything, it was just for fun?
不错 你还记得之前咱俩上床 你说这事儿没什么实际意义 只是为了娱乐
Yeah. You, uh, want to do that again?
是啊 你想再来一次吗
What happened? Blondie dumped you?
怎么了 金发美女把你甩了
She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.
不是她甩我 我俩处在一段关系里的不同位置
Right. Um... anyway, apparently, it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing and have recreational sex with them.
是嘛 随便了 显然呢 找个好久不见的人然后俩人娱乐性地打一炮也没啥不好的吧
So, what do you say? Let me think about it.
你觉得如何 我考虑下哈
She's not coming back. She wants to meet us.
她不会再开门了 她想见我们
Not us. Him. Yes, but him doesn't even know about her.
不是我们 是他 是啊 可是他根本不认识她
Well, him about to find out about her.
哎呀 他会认识她的
Really? Us gonna tell him?
真的吗 我们要告诉他吗
Who's going to tell whom about what? Sheldon.
谁要告诉谁什么 谢尔顿
Hey. Hi. Your surprise confuses me. I live here. Right.
嗨 你们这么惊讶让我很困惑 我住在这儿 是啊
So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?
那个啥 明天下午你什么安排
Be more specific. 4:30. That's not afternoon. That's preevning. What?
说的具体点 四点半 那不是下午 那是傍晚 什么
It's a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening: preevning.
是我发明的描述时间方式 更好地定义了个模棱两可的时段 下午和晚上之间就是傍晚
I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.
我确信因为急需精确描述 这词定会广为流传
Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow preevning?
好吧 那你明天傍晚准备做什么
Well, tomorrow's Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night.
明天是周六 周六晚是洗衣夜
So I'll be spending the preevning presorting and presoaking.
所以傍晚我会用来预分选衣物并预浸湿
Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow, at 4:30, you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
如果我告诉你 明天4点半你将遇到科学挑选出来的你的完美伴侣呢
I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.
我会嘲讽地哼一声 无奈地摊开双手 疲于应付你们这种经常的无聊之举
But it's true. But wewe put all your vital information into this dating site, answered all their questions just like you would,
但这是真的 我们把你所有重要信息上传到了交友网站 学着你的方式回答了他们所有问题
and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.
他们找到了个跟你匹配的 她叫艾米·菲拉·福勒
Please. Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.
拜托 即使你们学得像我的回答 这种红娘网站的算法本身就是胡扯的
And that's exactly the answer we gave to the question:
他们问到这个问题的时候 我们就是这么回答的
"What is your attitude towards online dating?" Howard wanted to write "Mumbo jumbo," But I said no.
你对在线交友持何态度 霍华德想回答"毫无意义" 但我认为不是
Our Sheldon would say "Hokum."
咱谢尔顿会回答"胡扯"
Come on, where's your scientific curiosity?
拜托 你的科学好奇心呢
Well, most of it is being applied to unraveling the secrets of the universe
大部分都用来探索宇宙的秘密了
while the rest of it's wondering why I'm having this conversation with you.
剩下的则用来思考 我为何要跟你们聊这个了
Okay, how about this. Even Spock had a date once every seven years.
好吧 这么说吧 即使史波克每七年也会约会一次的
He didn't date. It was Pon Farr. His blood boiled with mating lust.
他那不是约会 那是发情期到了 他因压抑的性欲而热血沸腾
Well, whywhy don't you start with a cup of coffee, and you can Pon Farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.
那你何不先喝上杯咖啡 晚点就可以跟艾米·菲拉·福勒发发情了
I don't drink coffee.
我不喝咖啡的
All right, you can have a hot chocolate.
好吧 那就喝杯热巧克力
As I will not be engaging in this nonsense,my choice of beverage is moot.
反正我不会去做这种无聊事 选什么饮料无关紧要
But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an "R" In them.
但我正式说明下我只在月份中带有R字母那月才喝热巧克力
Why? What's life without whimsy?
为什么 不为无益之事 何以遣有涯之生
Okay, I'm out. Sheldon, I've hidden the dirty sock from the roof somewhere in your apartment.
好吧 我没辙了 谢尔顿 我把屋顶拿来的一只脏袜子藏在你们公寓里了
Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, it will remain there forever.
除非你愿意跟我们去见那女孩 不然 它会永远藏在那
You're bluffing. Are you willing to risk it?
你只是在吓唬我 你真愿意冒这个险吗
Curse you. 30 feet.
诅咒你 30英尺
Oh. Hey, Leonard. I was a perfectly happy, geeky, little lonely guy, and you ruined me!
你好 莱纳德 我本是个完美的小个子剩男 快乐又书呆 是你毁了我
Are you drunk?
你喝醉了吗
Come on. We're gonna have sex, and it's not gonna mean a thing!
拜托 我们上床吧 反正也是没有意义的
Are you out of your mind?!
你疯了吗
I'm really starting to think there's a double standard here.
我真的开始认为这是双重标准了
In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it?
几分钟后 等我幸灾乐祸地冷眼旁观着本次相亲的失败 你们更愿意我怎么做
The standard "I told you so"? The classic "Neenerneener"?
是标准答案 我早说过会这样 还是经典的"哦也哦也"（表嘲讽)
Or just my normal look of haughty derision?
还是用我平常那副高傲嘲弄的表情
You don't know we're wrong yet. Haughty derision it is.
现在还不能断定我们错了 还是高傲嘲弄表情吧
Excuse me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper.
打扰下 我是艾米·菲拉·福勒 你是谢尔顿·库珀
Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler.
你好 艾米·菲拉·福勒
I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely.
我很遗憾地告诉你 你上当了 被设计用来欺骗很傻很天真剩男剩女的无知算法骗了
Additionally, I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
此外 我是被一只藏起来的脏袜子勒索了才来的
If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it.
那是俚语的话 我从没听说过
If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.
要是字面意义的话 我跟你一样讨厌脏袜子
In any case, I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.
无论如何 我来这是因为答应了我妈每年至少约会一次
Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
有意思 我跟我妈在关于上教堂这点上有过同样对话
I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
我并不反对神的概念 但实在不理解上教堂还得点名
Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas. Noted.
那你应该不会想去德州东部 记住了
Now, before this goes any further,
相亲继续进行之前
you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.
我先声明 所有身体接触 包括但并不限于交媾均不予讨论
May I buy you a beverage? Tepid water, please.
能请你喝杯饮料吗 温水 谢谢
Good God, what have we done?
天哪 瞧瞧我们干了什么
