Topic（题目）：

Advice given from friends who are older than you is more valuable than advice from friends of your age.

Target text（文章正文）:

In daily life, there are varies problems waiting for people to solve. When such moment arrived ,friend's advice is always really helpful. Some people prefer to taken advice from friends who are older than them, but others are favor to listen to the advice taken from a same age person . In my point of view, taken the advice from older friends might be a better choice .

To begin with, the advice given from older friends is more applicable and valuable. Older people are usually playing the role of pilot during one's young period life. It is wildly known that, experience is the best teacher and guide. People who lived longer and have rich experience in life are thinking more mature than who did not. In this regard, taken their advice undoubtedly have more benefits. I have many friends who are younger than me, most of they prefer to taken my advice rather than their counterparts.

In a other hand, it is unhelpful to taken the advice from friends who have same age with you . Friends of you age usually have same education background with you. To illustrate, same age people have a same way to thinking, and usually taken the same actions to solving the problems. Then, it is meaningless and unvalued to take their advice.

Nevertheless, age is not the only standard to judge people's ability, there still have some people who handled the issues more mature than people of his age. That outstanding people's advice is value to take.

To sum up, when people decided to take friends advice , he ought to choice older people's advice at first. But it is not mean that there is totally unvalued of same age friends's advice. The different choice depends on the varies situation.

Revised essay（批改后）：

Advice given from friends who are older than you is more valuable than advice from friends of your age.

In daily life, there are varies problems waiting for people to solve. When such moment arrived[用一般现在时],friend's advice is always [用often在这里更合适] really helpful. Some people prefer to taken advice from friends who are older than them, but others are favor to listen to the [表达错误且啰嗦，改为favor advice from friends of the same age]advice taken from a same age person . In my point of view, taken the advice from older friends might be a better choice . [开头比较简洁，是好事。但是要尽量在第一段避免较多错误，以免留下不好的印象]

To begin with, the advice given [given去掉] from older friends is more applicable and valuable. Older people are [不用进行时，用一般现在时即可] usually playing the role of pilot [用词错误，这是飞行员的意思啊] during one's young period life. It is wildly [用词错误，改为widely] known that, experience is the best teacher and guide. People who lived longer [你这句话写出来很搞笑的，即便是平常生活中，说活得久一些的人。这样的说法也比较高兴，你直接说年纪大的人阅历丰富即可] and have rich experience in life are thinking [用一般现在时] more mature than who did not. In this regard, taken their advice undoubtedly have [用单数，因为主语是taken] more benefits. I have many friends who are younger than me, most of they prefer to taken my advice rather than their counterparts. [你的例子比较苍白，说了和没说差别也不大]

In a [改为on the other hand] other hand, it is unhelpful to taken [用原形] the [the去掉] advice from friends who have[are of the] same age with you . Friends of you [your] age usually have [the] same education background with you. To illustrate, same age people have a [the] same way to thinking, and usually taken [用原形] the same actions to solving the problems. Then, it is meaningless and unvalued to take their advice.

Nevertheless, age is not the only standard to judge people's ability, there still have some people who handled [用一般现在时] the issues more mature than people of his age. That [用复数] outstanding people's advice is value to take.

To sum up, when people decided [用一般现在时] to take friends advice , he ought to choice older people's advice at first. But it is not mean that there is totally unvalued of same age friends's a [friends’] dvice. The different choice depends on the varies situation.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

开头简洁是进步，后面的论据展开说服力仍然比较弱。推理不足，你即便是用中文的思维，这么推理，也没多大说服力的，所以写的时候，你自己也可以考核这一点。

表达能力差，这是你自己也清楚的。但好的是，有进步了，还要多读，多悟。

语法错误很多很多，自己要学会总结，进行针对性复习。

预估分数：3.65

学习建议：

1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。

2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。

3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。

4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。

5、论证方式要多样化。

6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。