Topic（题目）:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.

Target text（文章正文）:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.

I disagree with the statement that students can obtain a better and more efficient education if they are provided with less vacation and more time concentrating on school work. Some people may argue that more leisure time means more escape from the academic work, and students wil lforget what they learnt in school, however, I think that with more breaks,students can benefit more from the vacation rather than on campus studying.

The summer and winter vacation, each lasting one month, can provide students opportunities to relax themselves, and to relieve themselves from mountainous assignments in school. With the breaks,they can enjoy learning things in a more informal but impressive way. For example, they will have enough time to travel to another country and get to know different cultures and customs. The abroad experience can help to expand the outlook of students and it is in fact another way of learning things, and such personal experience is definitely more efficient and more impressive than learning indirectly from teachers and books.

Besides, students can become more independent and social given the traveling experience, and all these qualities are important in their future lifes but can be hardly cultivated in the academic education. Some people may argue that efficient academic education may be negatively influenced because of the two-month school break, however, social and extracurricular activities are equally necessary to students, so it would be a good chance for them to step out of their campus, the so called ‘ivory tower’ , and get involved into the real society. In some way, they can learn more and benefit a lot in the real world.

In addition, when it comes to the academic education, more vacation does not mean a less efficient education, either. As we all know, schools usually implement the summer and winter vacation policy, which is commonly during the hottest and coldest seasons. Students will get exhausted and distracted easily because of the bad temperature, let alone the more and more frequently occurred natural disasters during summer and winter such as the tornados,floods, storms, etc. I can easily recall several flood disasters in my city during my summer breaks. During those moments, would not it be rather safer and more reasonable to stay at home? Anyway, the quality of education is based on a safe and comfortable learning environment.

In conclusion, I believe that students can enjoy different but same valuable experience during school breaks, and the longer break during the bad seasons can also ensure their safety in severe natural environment.

Feedback and Review（点评及修改）

优点：

总的来说，这篇文章的整体语言及论证内容还是不错的。

缺点及改进建议：

1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。

2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。

3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。

4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。

5、论证方式要多样化。

6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。