I have trouble desiring sex with my girlfriend of two years. Shortly before we got together, she was having casual sex with a professional footballer. I did not know this until we had been together for about three months. By this time I had strong feelings for her. I trust her completely, but find myself thinking about it nearly every day and not feeling good enough or sexually attracted to her, despite her being very sexy. I know I should talk to her about it but I feel so embarrassed and it's unreasonable to make her feel guilty.
两年来，我都难以与女友发生性行为。在一起不久前，她与一名职业足球员发生过关系。而我在交往3个月后才得知此事，那时我对她的感情已经很深了。我全身心的信任她，但却几乎每天都会想到她的前男友--以至于觉得自己配不上她，或者对她没有多大的性趣（尽管她已经很性感了）。我知道我应该和她谈谈此事，但却感觉十分尴尬，若因此让她内疚，那真是太不合理了。
Consider the circumstances in which you discovered this footballer connection. Did she "let it slip"? Tell you in spite during an argument? Or did you discover it from another source? If it was either of the former, that might suggest this spectre that interferes with your sense of safety within your relationship has been consciously or unconsciously conjured up by your girlfriend to maintain power or torture you. I'm not saying it's untrue, but rather that it's interesting she told you, since such a revelation would make any man uncomfortable and anxious.
考虑到你发现她的前任是一名足球运动员，那她是不小心说出这件事情还是在争吵的过程中说出此事的呢？又或者是别人告诉你的？如果是这三种情况之一，那可能表明：这种扰乱恋情安全感的烦心事是你的女友故意或无意想出来的，以期掌握主动权或折磨你。说真的，若是由她告诉你，这件事就很有意思了，因为这种'坦白'会让任何一位男士陷入不安和焦虑。
Perhaps she feels deeply insecure and needed to bolster herself in this way. Whatever her motivation - or even if you discovered this independently - it would be worth saying to her: "I am really struggling with some feelings regarding your ex. It's hard for me to banish the discomfort I feel when I am reminded that you were intimate with him, and it's affecting my connection with you …" thereby getting it out in the open and giving her the opportunity to reassure you.
或许她感到极度不安，需要以这种方式支撑自己。无论她的动机是什么--即使是你独自发现了这一事实--你都应该告诉她："关于你的前任，我有种很复杂的心理。一想起你曾经与他有过亲密关系，我都会感到不舒服，这甚至影响了我对你的感情……"这样公开表明自己的心态也给了她让你安心的机会。
But it is important for you to remember that casual sex with a famous person can be a disappointing and hollow experience. While it might have engendered temporary excitement, in your girlfriend's case it clearly did not lead to the kind of close relationship she has found with you. Beyond one air-clearing conversation, do not allow his memory to pervade your thoughts and invade your lives. She has chosen you.
但你要记得：与名人发生性关系会令人感到失望、虚无。虽然会让你暂时性的兴奋起来，但就你和你女朋友的案例而言，显然这种随意性行为事件并没有让你们更亲近。除了开诚布公的对话外，不要让前任的记忆渗透到你的思想中，不要让过去侵入你们的生活，毕竟她选择了你！
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