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You're not feeling much love
你感觉不到那么多爱
Extravagant date nights, weddings, and splashy grand gestures are lovely. But couples know that small intimacies are relationship superglue. Hugs, eye contact, listening to your partner's stories, and tiny acts of kindness help couples feel connected, and connected couples express their love by continuing to do these things, says Ross.
奢华的约会之夜、婚礼和惹人注目的仪式都很惹人爱。但夫妻知道细微的亲密举动是恋情的超强力胶水。拥抱、眼神接触、倾听另一半的诉说以及善良的小举动都能使夫妻心有灵犀，而不断的做这些事情可以帮助他们表达对彼此的爱，罗斯说道。
But when your internal perception of your partner changes, often these intimate moves are the first to go. So consider if your thoughts about your significant other are positive overall-or a laundry list of irritants. There's a halo effect around our loved ones, says Dr. Saltz, that lets what's wonderful about your partner shine brighter than their faults. When that halo dims, you're less likely to invest in those little gestures...and spats and bickering might take their place. Therapy can help you want to do them again.
但当你对另一半的内在感知发生变化时，这些亲密行为往往是第一件要做的事。所以如果你对另一半的看法总体上是积极的--或者列了很多他讨人厌的地方。爱情中存在光环效应，Saltz博士说道，所以你觉得爱人身上的优点远大于其缺点。当光环渐渐淡去，你就不太可能花时间精力做一些有仪式感的事情了，争吵渐渐取而代之。治疗可帮助你重拾亲密关系。
You're not communicating well
你们沟通不畅
Ideally, couples would start therapy when talking to each other grows challenging, negative, or one-sided, says Dr. Saltz. "I wish people would come in more with communication issues," she explains. "In actuality, not many people do that." And yet communication is often at the root of couples' conflicts-often, one person just doesn't feel heard, says Ross, who notes that this frequently occurs because one person tries to problem-solve instead of listen.
理想状态下，当夫妻双方发现谈话时另一方对自己持质疑、消极或一边倒的态度时，就应该进行夫妻治疗了，Saltz博士说道。"我希望做治疗的夫妻能更多的谈论沟通问题，"她解释道。"事实上，很多人都不这么做。"但沟通通常是夫妻冲突的根源--通常情况下，一方总感觉另一方不听自己说话，罗斯说道。罗斯还指出，因为一方总是试图解决问题而不是倾听问题，所以才会经常出现沟通不畅的情况。
Ross explains some of the rules therapists share with couples: Avoid "you" statements, and speak from the "I" instead; stay away from the words "always" and "never"; don't generalize. Try applying these guidelines on your own, but know that smooth communication is not easy, and sometimes, a neutral party can help. "Couples therapy helps people feel heard. It provides tools for communicating and asking for what you need," says Ross.
罗斯解释了治疗师给夫妻们分享的规则：避免以"你"开头，相反，你可以用"我"开头；不要说"永远"和"从不"；不要把事情一般化。试着自行运用这些指导原则，但也要知道顺畅的沟通并不容易，有时候，有个中立方作为调解也很重要。"夫妻治疗可以帮助人们，让他们觉得自己的心声得到了倾听。它提供了沟通的工具，也让他人知道你想要什么，"罗斯说道。
One partner had a physical or emotional affair
一方精神出轨或肉体出轨
Texting daily with a coworker, chatting up that cute barista, or getting alerts for every post your ex makes on social media may seem like harmless behaviors. But it can be easy for these small flirtations to transform into inappropriate emotional intimacy-or become physical.
每天与同事发短信、与帅气的咖啡师撩骚、或者收到前任社交媒体状态的每一条提示，这些行为看似无害。但这些调情可能会转变为不恰当的情感亲密--甚至演变成肉体亲密。
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