5.Marriage Is Constant "Compromise" (Meaning You Lose, No Matter What)
5.婚姻就是无休止的妥协--你输了，你输了，还是你输了
One of the things that your father or father confessor will continually attempt to drill into your head before you take the plunge is that marriage essentially consists of an endless series of compromises. Now, this is where your recollection of the earliest events of your childhood ought to kick in. To wit, do you remember the various arguments and disagreements that your mother and father engaged in while you were living under their roof? Who won the majority of those arguments?
结婚之前，你的父亲或者神父绝对会做的事情之一，就是试图源源不断地向你的脑袋里灌输一个概念：婚姻实际上包含着无穷无尽的妥协。那么现下就到了找寻你童年回忆的时候。比如说，曾与父母同住一个屋檐下的你是否记得他们的各种争吵？多数情况是谁吵赢了？
Sure, your Dad could always lead off strong with the "I'm the bread winner" charge. But wasn't your Mom quick to counter with "Who does the shopping, the clothes folding, the nose wiping for the four year old, etc.?" When all else fails, she fought dirty: Cue up the old reliable water works! Your Dad really never had a chance.
没错，老爸一般会理直气壮地搬出"钱是我挣来的"这个理由，但老妈是不是瞬间列举出"娃四岁的时候谁给娃买东西、谁给娃叠衣服、谁给娃擦鼻涕……"？当一切理由都无济于事时，老妈就出损招：让老爸难享性福！如此一来老爸就真心无计可施了。
Yes, he could stage a "down tools" protest for a couple of hours by heading over to his brother's house to drink a few beers and commiserate in the garage. But, sooner or later, he'd be back, doing exactly what he didn't want to be doing, with the person that he would least enjoy doing it with. Some compromise, eh, Sharky?
老爸的确是会以"罢工"抵抗上那么几个小时，去他弟兄的家里喝上点啤酒，在车库凑合一段时间，但过不了多久他就回来了，仍旧做他不想做的事，还是和他不愿意一起的人一起。一种妥协，对吧，老兄？
Of course, here and there, you'll win a few small victories. You'll get to keep a few of your old high school yearbooks or a few Kiss concert T-shirts that you've almost, but not quite, outgrown. The rest of this compromise business is her domain, which she permits you to live in –pro tempore.
当然了，你多多少少还是能赢得点儿胜利，比如说可以留着旧时高中时期的年鉴或者仅有的几件有唇印的演唱会T恤，仅此而已，不能再多了，剩下的全部是她的领域，还是在她的同意下暂时留给你一，席，之，地。
4.Did You Enjoy The Premarital Sex? Good, Because Post Marriage Sex Is A Myth, Much Like Nessie And Bigfoot
4.你曾享受过婚前性生活吗？那就好，因为婚后性生活就是个传说，就像尼斯湖水怪和大脚怪一样
Remember all the sweet good times you and your Significant Other had in the sack before you tied the knot? Let's hope they were good enough – and plentiful – enough to last you a life time. As it turns out, you'll need those sweet memories to see you through a long, intercourse free desert of married life, which -need we remind you? – is currently scheduled to last until death do you part.
还记得在踏入婚姻的坟墓前，你跟另一半度过的那段抵死缠绵的时光吗？希望这段时光足够美好、足够丰富，能够让你终生难忘。因为事实证明，你可能需要用这段甜蜜的回忆来填补婚后长期欲求不满造成的精神与肉体的双重空虚。还有什么需要提醒你的呢？嗯——那就是从现在开始，好好计划在有生之年怎么维持你的婚姻吧。
The fact of the matter, in case you haven't guessed, is that sexual intercourse decreases sharply after marriage. There's a million logical (and perfectly joyless) reasons why this is so. To begin with, if children are the immediate sequel of your first few weeks of honeymoon sex, you can just imagine how strong your wife's aversion to further potential "accidents" might become.
你完全意想不到的是，婚后的"性福"指数会急剧下降，并且会有无数个正当（完全扯蛋）的理由来破坏你的性生活。首先，你只需想象一下妻子为了这个"潜在的小意外"会做出多大的改变，你就知道在新婚的蜜月期立刻造出一个小人的假设是多么的愚蠢。
If children are indeed involved in your life, you can likewise imagine how sharp of a toll that looking after the little bundles of joy will take on your potential allotment of sack whoopie time.
如果你们确实孕育出了一个小生命，你就可以想象一下要分配出无限多的时间来照顾小孩是件多么坑爹的事情！
There will come a stressful, intercourse free, period during which your little toddler(s) will want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy so as to avoid the monster in the closet. There will come a time when Mommy will simply be so worn out after a stressful day at the office that she will be fast asleep in the bed by the time you've finished brushing your teeth. Prepare for the coming drought.
当孩子还处于为了躲避衣橱里的怪物吵着要跟爸妈睡的年龄段时，你就甭想有和谐的性生活了。当孩子他妈因为高压高强度的工作而累得沾枕即睡时，你也只能洗洗睡了。所以，准备好面对婚后性生活的"旱季"吧。
3.Divorce: All Good Things, And Some Very Bad Things, Come To An End
3.离婚：所有美好的和一些非常糟糕的事情，都结束了
Previously, we wondered aloud on your behalf whether there was anything truly as terrifying, mortifying, and soul scathing as the average experience of the institution of marriage in the United States. You're in luck! We found something worse: Divorce!
我们曾站在你的立场上声讨过，在美国是否还有比受婚姻制度的压迫更凄惨、坑爹的经历呢。恭喜你！我们找到了更糟糕的事情：离婚！
Want to bet half of your income, 18 years of child support payments, and 50 to 90 percent of your property on the slim and shady proposition that your marriage is sure to succeed where over half of all other marriages contracted on the same day will fail? Be our guest!
跟你同日结婚的人中，有超过一半的夫妇都离婚了，你还想赌上一半的收入、18年的抚育费及婚前协议上50%-90%的财产来保证你和另一半能白头偕老吗？别傻了，权当看客就好！
Will your soon to be blushing bride lose her bright cheerful smile and adopt a scowling eye when you bring up the subject of a prenuptial agreement? This, more than any other, is the sure forecast of an unsuccessful marriage. Look, if she's not prepared to risk her all, why should you take the plunge for two?
在提到婚前协议时，你老婆的表情会迅速由晴转雨，分分钟变身成母夜叉吗？如果答案是肯定的话，那么就注定你们的婚姻不会美满。听好了，如果她还没准备好赌上一切，你又何必要冒险呢？
In case you even need to contemplate how potentially costly a divorce may be, let's add another scenario to the mix: It's too costly to consider, especially while the children are too young to leave home, and you'd be on the hook for 10-12 years of support payments. So you wait it out. You wait until the kids are old enough to head off to college.
在你需要盘算离婚所带来的经济损失之前，我们不妨换个角度来算一下这笔账：离婚远比想象中的烧钱。特别是在孩子年幼时离异，你将承担10-12年的抚育费。所以要耐心等待，等到孩子上大学后再离也不迟。
How does 18 years of doing time like a long term felon sound to you? Pacing the walls of your cell and cursing the day you ever let yourself be booked into this loveless sham? It happens more often than you think – are your parents still married, chum?
像重刑犯一样度过的18年婚姻生活听起来如何？想要摆脱婚姻的牢笼，后悔踏入这无爱的幸福假象？离婚已是家常便饭——亲，看看你父母的婚姻状况就知道喽。
2.Are You A Risk Taker? There's One Big One Left: Marriage
2.你爱冒险吗？还剩一个大冒险——结婚
Earlier on this list, we pontificated on the fact that getting married pretty ruins the spontaneous lifestyle of both partners, both as solo individuals and as a couple. But, rest assured, there's a distinction to be made here. Being spontaneous doesn't necessarily have to mean that you are intrinsically prone to taking wild risks with your life. After all, there's nothing inherently risky about deciding on the spur of the moment to drive down to the pier for an ice cream cone.
上文所述，婚姻会破坏双方（原有的）的自在生活方式—不管是个人独处还是夫妻一起的生活方式都将被迫改变，这未免有些武断。在这儿我们来做些区分。自在生活，并不是意味着你本就想在野外冒险。毕竟，即时决定开车去码头买蛋筒冰激凌本身并不存在风险。
However, if you enjoy truly risky endeavors, such as extreme martial arts competition, surfing rough waves, or cliff diving, you're going to need to check your lust for wild adventure at the chapel door. You certainly won't be able to indulge in such risky and dangerous past times when you're expected to watch the kids on a Saturday morning while your wife is at the supermarket.
如果你真心喜欢冒险，酷爱极限格斗、冲浪、悬崖跳水等冒险运动，那么婚前请考虑清楚自己到底有多热爱野外冒险。因为婚后你将无法沉浸于往日冒险时光，取而代之的是周六早上当老婆要去逛超市时，你必须要照看孩子。
But, as it turns out, if you really want to live a wild and devil may care sort of existence, getting married has more than its share of potential pitfalls and "winning ugly" scenarios. As stated above, marriage is a proposition in which you essentially stake your home, career, income, and accumulated property on the thin likelihood of making it last for anywhere from 40 to 60 years (sometimes longer). If that's your idea of the ultimate "Take no prisoners" thrill ride, be our guest!
事实证明，如果你爱野外冒险，你就要接受会有危险存在。同样，婚姻也不像看上去那么简单，它也存在一些陷阱和类似"winning ugly" 那样的场景。正如前面所说，结婚就意味着，你将家庭、事业、收入及所有财产全部押上作为赌注，希望婚姻持续40到60年（甚至更久），尽管你赢得机会微薄。若你仍想享受《我不是囚犯》（Take no prisoner）中的刺激生活，那还是不要结婚为好！
1.Marriage Lasts Forever (And We Mean It)
1.婚姻恒久远——（这是说真的！）
The moment you get married, you're married forever. Even if you later divorce, there will always exist a specific time and place within the continuum of eternity in which you were married. Even after the both of you pass away, that moment will exist for the duration of the Universe. Once married, always married. Even if you manage to escape the snake pit with your limbs intact, you will always leave a piece of your soul behind. That's the price.
从结婚的那一刻，你就永远已婚了。即便你后来离婚了，在永恒的时空中总有那么一段时间你是已婚的。哪怕你们你年老逝去，（结婚）那一瞬也将在宇宙中永恒。一时结婚，永久已婚。就好像，即便你毫发无损地逃离了蛇穴，你也会被吓丢了魂。这就是代价。
Even if it lasts, you may still feel that you have wasted a significant portion of your youth, as well as all of the opportunities that were laid before you, on being married. Many married people, both male and female, express extreme regrets regarding the chances they missed, or could have taken, which were instead sacrificed at the altar of holy matrimony.
即使婚姻延续，你也会觉得婚姻浪费了宝贵的青春时光，已婚状态使你丢掉很多触手可及的机会。很多已婚人士，不论男女，都对自己当初因步入婚姻殿堂失去或没有抓住机会而深感懊悔。
At the end of your life, what memories, what experiences, will you have to look back on? Will you regard the closing days of your existence with something like satisfaction, secure in the knowledge that you have lived a full, well ordered, and happy life? Or will you sigh with regret, despairing to the end over the life you have well and truly wasted?
生命弥留之际，你会记起哪些片段？忆起哪段经历？你会含笑追忆那幸福、满足、安排得宜的快乐时光还是沉痛哀悼那灰心丧气、一无所成的昨日岁月？
Nothing is guaranteed to us in life, including the optimum duration of life itself. Since all things are in flux, it may already be later than you think. If you're still on the search for your ultimate adventure, or your ultimate goal in life, it's time to get on the stick. Marriage will only slow you down. Don't stand still!
生活中万事无绝对，甚至生命本身也是如此。所有事物都在不断变化，但这变化也许无法追赶思想的脚步。如果你仍在寻找终极探险目标或追逐生活最终目标，那么行动起来吧！婚姻只会让你放慢脚步！别再原地踏步啦！
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