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Business
商业版块
Bartleby
巴托比专栏
Delegate authority
会议代表权
A conference-survival handbook.
会议生存手册。
An email urging you to download the “forum-networking app” to start “making new connections” ahead of next week’s “knowledge-sharing experience” reminds you of something you had pushed to the back of your mind: you are going to a conference.
一封邮件催促你下载“论坛社交应用程序”，以便在下周的“知识分享体验”之前开始“建立新的联系人”，这让你想起了一件你已经抛到脑后的事情：你要去参加一个会议。
If you are a paediatric nephrologist meeting colleagues to discuss the latest in children’s dialysis, a founder looking for investors or a speaker, you know what to do.
如果你是一名儿科肾病学家，要与同事开会讨论儿童透析的最新进展，如果你是一位正在寻找投资者的创始人，或者是一位演讲者，那么你知道该怎么做。
But if—like most conference attendees, including, on occasion, this guest Bartleby—you are not sure why you are here, you need a strategy.
但如果——像大多数参会者一样，包括笔者有时候的情况——你不确定你为什么要开这个会，那么你需要一些策略。
First, manage your expectations: “convention”, “summit”, “event”, “roadshow” and “festival” sound more fun than a conference, but don’t bring your Glastonbury or Burning Man kit.
首先，管理好你的预期：“大会”“峰会”“活动”“路演”和“节日”听起来比“会议”更有趣，但不要带着你去格拉斯顿伯里音乐节或火人节的装备去开会。
You are still just going to a gabfest.
你去的还是一场空谈会。
No need to wear a three-piece suit, and by all means dress for comfort, but avoid the Midwest-account-manager-out-for-a-golf-weekend look.
没必要穿西装三件套，怎么舒服怎么穿，但请不要打扮得像中西部会计经理周末去打高尔夫一样。
You never know whom you might run into.
你永远不知道你可能会遇到谁。
Next, remember that all icebreakers are a trick.
第二，请记住所有的破冰游戏都是骗人的把戏。
If you are encouraged to draw something jolly on your name badge or use a “fun” sobriquet, politely resist.
如果有人鼓励你在姓名牌上画一些有趣的东西或取一个“有趣”的绰号，请礼貌地拒绝。
Similarly, if you are asked to share something nobody knows about you, this is a trap.
同样地，如果你被要求分享一些关于你的没人知道的事情，那么这是一个陷阱。
Never say anything awkward about your own body or physiology (“I have a third nipple”, “I can burp the alphabet”), or anyone else’s.
永远不要说任何关于你自己身体或生理的尴尬事情（“我有三个乳头”“我可以用打嗝声说出字母表”），也不要说关于其他人的事情。
Avoid the temptation to be a pompous ass: “I was a junior swim champion and once dated Kylie Minogue.”
忍住冲动，不要成为一个自命不凡的混蛋：“我曾是少年游泳冠军，还和凯莉·米洛约会过。”
Being memorable means people will expect you to be both present and attentive.
表现得能让人记住意味着人们会期待你既要在场又要专注。
Blandness is a good goal.
平淡无奇才是你的好目标。
Pick sessions selectively.
有选择地挑选会议。
Keynote speeches are usually reruns and can be skipped, unless bragging rights are useful in your line of work (“Check out my selfie with Elon”).
主题演讲通常是重播，可以跳过，除非在你的工作领域中吹嘘很有用（“看看我和埃隆的自拍”）。
Panels with more than four talking heads are always pointless.
有四个以上发言人的小组讨论往往是没有意义的。
The term “fireside chat” has become wildly misappropriated—unless there is an actual fireplace, you are unlikely to get a cosy, honest conversation.
“炉边谈话”这个词已经被广泛滥用了，除非有一个真正的壁炉，否则你不太可能进行一次舒适、诚实的谈话。
If the breakout “tracks” do not appeal, choose the hallway track: lingering in the corridors and chatting with people too important to be in sessions.
如果分组讨论的“主题路径”不吸引人，那就选择“走廊路径”：在走廊里闲逛，与那些身份太过重要而不能参加会议的人聊天。
Do turn up every day.
要每天都出现。
But do not expect a prize for being a super-attender.
但不要期望因为是超级出勤者而获得奖品。
If some form of presenteeism is required—ie, if you are accompanying your boss—apply the “first round” rule: stand up and ask a decent question early in a session, ideally near a photographer.
如果需要某种形式的出勤主义——也就是说，如果你要陪同你的老板——那就应用“第一轮”规则：在会议早期站起来问一个不错的问题，最好是站在摄影师附近。
Like getting the first round at the bar, people will remember you well after you have left.
就像在酒吧里请第一轮酒一样，你离开很久后，人们还是会对你印象深刻。
Choose your seat wisely.
明智地选择你的座位。
Too close to the front and you cannot escape a dull session, too near the back and nobody will see you.
太靠近前排，你就无法从一场沉闷的会议中逃走，太靠近后排，就没人会看到你。
As in aeroplanes, avoid the middle of rows.
就像在飞机上一样，避免坐在中间的座位。
Standing in the wings offers maximum flexibility (though it brings the risk of an organiser asking you to sit down once all the good seats have been taken).
站在侧翼区域能提供最大的灵活性（但风险是组织者可能会要求你坐下，那时候所有好座位都被占了）。
Be even more careful about where you eat, and what.
要更加注意你在哪里吃饭，以及吃什么。
For a sit-down meal, be ruthless about your company.
对于坐下来的聚餐，选择同伴时要毫不留情。
A bad dinner will be more tolerable if you nab a spot next to David Attenborough or Michelle Obama.
如果你的邻座是生物学家大卫·爱登堡或米歇尔·奥巴马，那么糟糕的晚餐也会变得更加可以忍受。
As with all buffets, keep your eye on the full array before you load up on coleslaw.
对于所有的自助餐，在你往盘子里盛满凉拌卷心菜之前，要留意一下整个系列的菜品。
Unless you can smell the sea, avoid the fish.
除非你能闻到大海的味道，否则不要吃鱼。
If waiters offer canapes, remember that handling drink and dip is a recipe for disaster.
如果服务员提供小点心，记住，手拿饮料和蘸料是灾难的根源。
In coffee breaks, avoid anyone flouting the icebreaker rule (if you hear talk of “explosive” anything, move in the opposite direction).
在茶歇时，避开任何违反破冰规则的人（如果你听到有人谈论“爆炸性”的任何事情，请朝相反的方向走）。
Considering happy hour?
考虑欢乐时光吗？
Ask yourself: are these people really happy?
问问你自己：这些人真的快乐吗？
Still, for most people, the main value of conferences is networking.
不过，对于大多数人而言，会议的主要价值在于建立人脉。
This usually happens around the refreshment area.
这通常发生在点心区附近。
So even introverts should not skip all the socials and wine snobs ought to be prepared to drink bad wine for a good cause.
所以，即使是内向的人也不应该跳过所有的社交活动，葡萄酒行家也应该准备好为了这个正当理由而喝下劣质葡萄酒。
Circulate carefully: better to invest in a few targeted conversations than play business-card bingo by skipping from one short chat to the next.
走动攀谈要仔细：投入到几个有针对性的谈话中要好过不停地发名片和一个接一个地简短聊天。
Darting your eyes around for a conversation upgrade is rude, and a bit sad.
（谈话时）东张西望地寻找更好的谈话对象是不礼貌的，而且有点可悲。
Done well, a conference is the perfect alibi for getting some much-needed rest, recuperation, maybe even inspiration.
如果做得好，会议是一个完美的不在场借口，可以让你得到一些急需的休息、恢复，甚至可能是灵感。
Research shows productivity gains from holidays are greatest when people truly disconnect.
研究表明，当人们真正与工作断开联系时，假期带来的生产力提升最大。
To maximise the RoC (return on conference), stay offline.
为了最大限度地提高会议回报率，请保持离线状态。
Start the day slow, use the hotel gym or pool, take yourself out for a leisurely breakfast.
慢节奏地开启新的一天，使用酒店的健身房或泳池，悠闲地享用早餐。
Make the most of being away from the office: go for a walk in a new city and take catnaps between sessions.
充分利用远离办公室的时间：在新的城市散步，在会议间隙打个盹。
This is what others do when they say they “have to take a call”.
当其他人说“必须接个电话”时，他们就在做这些事情。
With spirits lifted, and some of the snark shaken off, you might actually get something out of this thing.
精神振奋了，批评声音摆脱了，你才可能真的从会议中有所收获。
Oh, and don’t be afraid to leave early.
哦，对了，不要不敢提前离场。
