评论
打印
You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Today we're slicing the majestic pineapple, not to be confused with common and boring pine-apples.
今天我们切尊贵的菠萝，不要把它和平淡无奇的松树苹果搞混了。（注：pine指松树。）
We'll start by slicing off the pineapple's punk hairstyle
第一步是切掉菠萝的朋克发型。
Because pineapples are so fibrous, you can jam it back on like velcro and it will stick.
因为菠萝富含纤维，所以切掉的地方可以像魔术贴一样粘回去。
Then we'll slice off the pineapple bottom, and then slice off the pineapple shell along the curve.
然后把菠萝的底部切下来，然后沿着曲线切掉菠萝的外壳。
You'll notice that the shell was being held on by rivets,
你会注意到菠萝的外壳是由铆钉固定的，
which don't have the minerals you'd get from normal iron rivets, so it's best to avoid consuming them.
菠萝铆钉不像普通铁铆钉那样含有矿物质，所以最好不要吃这些铆钉。
The easiest and most wasteful way to handle the rivets is to cut off more of the pineapple's exterior walls until they're gone.
处理铆钉最简单、最浪费的方法是切掉更多菠萝外壳，把铆钉全都切掉。
You can also cut the rivets out individually if you've got a lot of time and confidence in your hands.
如果你手头有大把时间，并且对自己的刀工很有信心，那么你也可以把这些铆钉一个一个地挖出来。
But if you're feeling both crafty and fancy, notice that the rivets are in rows and you can simply cut a few at a time with two angle cuts.
但如果你想炫一下技，注意看铆钉是成排的，只要斜着切两刀，一次就可以切掉几个铆钉。
The result is a pineapple that not only looks fancy, but tastes exactly the same.
这样切出来的菠萝不仅看起来很洋气，而且味道也完全没什么不同。
From there we'll slice the pineapple in half vertically.
然后，我们把菠萝垂直切成两半。
Then we'll slice those vertices vertically again.
再把垂直的切片再垂直切一下。
Then slice out the center of the pineapple, which is made of cork.
然后把菠萝的芯切下来，芯是用软木塞做成的。
Then cut those pineapple strips into pineapple bites.
然后把菠萝条切成菠萝块。
You'll know you've cut it properly if you can stack it at least 22 pieces high.
如果你能把至少22块菠萝叠起来，就说明你切对了。
If you prefer to cut pineapple rings because you want to play pineapple wine bottle ring toss,
如果你更喜欢切菠萝圈，因为你想玩用菠萝圈套酒瓶的游戏，
simply remove the shell with one of the previous methods.
那么只需用前面的方法之一切掉菠萝外壳，
Then cut the pineapple horizontally and then take the most boring cookie cutter of all time to cut out the center.
然后横着切成片，再用有史以来最无聊的饼干切割器把菠萝的芯切掉。
And there you have your pineapple rings, which you can give to kids as donuts.
这样你就有了菠萝圈，可以把它当作甜甜圈送给孩子们。
If you're against removing the pineapple's protective shell, then just cut the pineapple vertically.
如果你反对去掉菠萝的保护壳，那么就把菠萝竖着切开。
Cut out the center and then slice it into pieces.
再把中间的芯切掉，然后切成块。
Then simply use the edge of the pineapple like it's a pizza crust, which is only a handle and never to be eaten.
然后直接拿着外壳吃菠萝，把外壳当作披萨的饼皮，饼皮就是一个手柄，不是用来吃的。
You can also cut the ends off, throw it in a box, and give it a vigorous shake.
你也可以把菠萝的两端切掉，然后扔到盒子里，用力摇晃一下。
It's not a perfect method, but it will get you most of the way there.
这个方法不是很完美，但能让你去除大部分的菠萝壳。
You can also take your pineapple and hit the edges of it against your counter firmly to loosen the rivets.
你也可以把菠萝的外壳在案板上敲几下，这样可以让铆钉变松。
Then you can slice around the bottom, screw in your corkscrew, and then slide the pineapple out.
然后你可以在底部切一刀，把起瓶塞的螺丝刀转进去，然后把菠萝拽出来。
Then use the pineapple crust as a fancy beer goblet to impress both your friends and your enemies.
然后就可以把菠萝壳当作一个新奇的啤酒杯，惊艳你的朋友和敌人。
You can of course punch the pineapple in the face.
当然你也可以直接用拳头揍菠萝。
You can also use the classic and traditional pinata method.
也可以用经典传统的皮纳塔方法。（注：皮纳塔是拉美的习俗，把纸糊的彩色玩具里装满糖果，然后用棍子把玩具打破，让糖果撒下来。）
You can also rub the pineapple against your shirt, which will create a bunch of static electricity and a lot of overconfidence in tape.
你也可以把菠萝放在衬衫上摩擦，这样会产生很多静电以及对胶带黏性的过度自信。
Another thing you can do is wrap your pineapple in thin wire,
还有一种办法是用细铁丝把菠萝缠起来，
and then slice a different pineapple because the one you wrapped in wire will be too difficult to cut on account of the wire you wrapped around it.
然后去切另一个菠萝，因为你用铁丝缠起来的菠萝由于它身上缠着的铁丝会变得很难切。
Pineapple on pizza is a polarizing issue.
披萨上放不放菠萝是一个引发争议的问题。
But most people don't know that pizza originated in the Polynesian Triangle,
但大多数人不知道，披萨起源于波利尼西亚大三角，
which is where pizza gets its shape and was originally made on pineapple crust.
披萨形状因此是三角形，而且披萨最开始是放在菠萝上的。
Italians would later replace the pineapple with dough and shamefully claim that they invented pizza themselves,
意大利人后来用面团代替了菠萝，并可耻地声称比萨是他们自己发明的，
which is a culinary injustice, which lives on to this day. (Completely dreadful.)
这一烹饪界的不公平事件一直延续至今。（真是太可怕了。）
