评论
打印
You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
If you hate apple pie, you're going to love this apple pie.
如果你讨厌苹果派，那么你会喜欢上这个苹果派的。
But if you love apple pie, you're also going to love this apple pie.
但如果你喜欢苹果派，那么你也会喜欢这个苹果派。
But how could anyone hate apple pie when you're simply taking Nature's most perfect sweet cool crunchy texture experience and turning it into a warm soft mush?
但是，当你把大自然中最完美的又甜又凉又脆的口感体验变成一团又热又软的浆糊时，怎么会有人讨厌苹果派呢？
Granny Smith apples are known as one of the best apples to use for apple pie.
史密斯奶奶苹果被认为是最适合做苹果派的苹果之一。
And while using fresh apples is often recommended, I personally prefer the dehydrated ones.
虽然一般推荐使用新鲜苹果，但我个人更喜欢脱水苹果。
You just add them to water; these things rehydrate like nobody's business because it isn't anyone's business which apples you use.
你只需将它们放进水中；这些东西就像没有人管的那样吸饱了水，因为你用什么苹果确实不需要别人管。
Of course, you can go ahead and use canned apples.
当然，你可以使用罐头苹果。
Or you can even use Big Apple apples.
你甚至可以用纽约苹果。（注：纽约也叫大苹果。）
Go with whatever apple is easiest or best or busiest.
选择最简单、最好或最繁忙的苹果就行了。
Now we're going to start peeling around seven or eight of these apples, which is going to test our patience because it takes a long time.
现在我们要开始削大约七八个苹果，这将考验我们的耐心，因为要很长时间才能削完。
It's best to just pretend you're in the olden days when peeling apples was the most fun activity available, next to punching trees.
最好的办法是假装你在古时候，那时候削苹果是仅次于捶打树的最有趣的活动。
And once you done that, don't forget to reward yourself with a delicious bowl of apple peel cereal.
苹果削完之后，别忘了奖励自己一碗美味的苹果皮麦片。
Just like Caroline Ingalls used to make.
《草原上的小木屋》里的卡洛琳·英格尔斯做的麦片就是这个味道。
Now we're going to cut out the cores, which is super annoying and we'll really test your patience even further.
现在把苹果核切掉，这一步超级烦人，会进一步考验你们的耐心。
When you're cutting out the cores, don't cut towards your thumb like I am as a professional.
当你切掉苹果核的时候，不要像我这种专业人士一样朝着大拇指切。
Cut away from your digits like a noob so that you'll be able to keep them longer.
而要像菜鸟一样，离手指头远一点切，这样免得切掉了手指。
Keep in mind that apple seeds contain a little bit of cyanide.
请记住，苹果籽中含有少量氰化物。
But you don't have to worry about that because there's not enough to harm you.
但不必担心，因为氰化物的量很少，不足以造成伤害。
But you do have to worry about Jimmy; Jimmy will f* you up.
但你确实得担心吉米，吉米会毁掉你的一切。
Now we're going to do something that will absolutely drive you mad, which is slicing the apples;
现在我们要做一件绝对会让你抓狂的事情，那就是切苹果，
because we're not just going to slice them, we're going to sliver them.
因为我们不仅要切苹果，还要把它们剁碎。
Since this takes around 6 years, we'll put our apples into a bowl of water so that they don't turn too brown.
因为切完苹果需要大约6年的时间，所以要把苹果放进一碗水里，免得苹果氧化变黄。
And this is where apple pie haters just might be converted.
这个时候讨厌苹果派的人可能就会被改变态度。
When you bite into apple pie fragments that are this small, you don't feel that disgusting mush from fat chunks of apple found in pies made by disrespectful people.
当你吃到这么小的苹果派碎片时，你不会感觉到没礼貌的人做的苹果派里面的那种大块苹果带来的恶心的黏糊感。
It's more like a mama bird already chewed it up for you, and then spat it in your mouth, so it's not gross.
这种小碎片更像是一只鸟妈妈已经帮你咀嚼好了，然后把嚼碎的东西吐到你的嘴里，所以一点都不恶心。
You can also use a grater and shred the apples into smithereens.
你也可以用研磨机把苹果打碎。
We're going to add some lime juice to the slivers because of that whole browning thing we talked about.
因为我们刚刚提到的变黄的问题，所以现在要在苹果片中加入一些柠檬汁。
Now we're going to make the apple pie gravy, which we'll do by putting a stick of butter in a saucepan on medium low heat.
现在做苹果派酱汁，把一根黄油放在平底锅里用中低火加热。
And then we're going to wangjangle in 3 tablespoons of flour, which makes a sort of roux.
然后放入3勺面粉，搅拌均匀，就成了一种油面糊。
And as you cook this for a couple of minutes, you're going to get these awesome nutty flavors.
煮几分钟之后，就能闻到很香的坚果味。
Then we'll wang-jangle in 1/4 cup of water and one cup of sugar until it's boiling a bit like lava.
然后加入四分之一杯水和一杯糖，并搅拌均匀，煮到它像火山岩浆一样沸腾。
Then we'll turn the heat all the way down while we keep wang-jangling for a few minutes.
然后把火调低，同时继续搅拌几分钟。
Then take that off the heat and let it cool quite a bit.
然后把锅离火，冷却一会儿。
Now we're going to add 1 and 1/2 tablespoons of cinnamon to those apple slivers and wang-jangle that thoroughly.
现在把一勺半的肉桂加到苹果碎里，并且彻底搅拌。
Now we're going to add our apple pie gravy to the apple pie slivers and wang-jangle those together until they're coated in apple pie gravy harmony.
现在把酱汁加到苹果碎里，然后搅拌搅拌，直到苹果碎丁全裹上了酱汁，形成一个大和谐状态。
To make this simple but delicious and flaky crust, we'll start by sprinkling flour on our cutting board and then...
要做这个简单但很美味松脆的酥皮，我们首先要在切菜板上撒一些面粉，然后......
Oh no, I accidentally deleted the footage of me making this amazing crust.
哦糟糕，我不小心把我做美味酥皮的视频删了。
All right, check the description where I explain exactly how to make it. But don't worry, it's not too difficult.
好吧，那你们去看看视频下面的简介，我在简介里面解释了怎么做酥皮。别担心，一点都不难。
So I'm putting this crust in a 9-inch apple pie pan.
把酥皮放进9英寸的苹果派盘子里。
Then you kind of just go "uh uh uh, look how fancy my crust is" or something like that. I'm not sure exactly.
然后你就会说“嘿嘿嘿，看看我的酥皮多漂亮”之类的话，我也不太清楚。
Then I'm going to put that apple pie filling inside of the apple pie crust.
然后把苹果派的馅放进苹果派的酥皮里面。
It seems like a lot of filling and it may or may not be too much.
馅料看起来有点多，可能会也可能不会太多。
I don't know cuz I've never made one of these things before. But that looks good to me.
我不知道，因为我之前从来没有做过这些东西。不过，我觉得看起来不错。
And now we're going to make our crumble topping, which we'll do by adding one cup of oats,
现在做酥皮上的顶料，在碗里加入一杯燕麦，
one cup of flour, 1/2 cup of pack brown sugar, and a stick of butter to a bowl.
一杯面粉，半杯黄糖和一根黄油。
Then we're just going to work it and work it until it becomes crumbly.
然后就一直揉一直揉，知道它变成像碎土块的样子。
There's no secret to this as far as I know, except going through the several stages of
据我所知，做这个没什么窍门，只要经历了这几个阶段：
"am I doing this right? Cuz it doesn't feel like it's getting crumbly. And then suddenly it gets crumbly and then everything's okay."
“我做得对吗？因为它好像没有变成碎土块。然后突然之间面粉就变成碎土块了，然后就大功告成了。”
I guess the secret is persisting for a whole minute or so.
我猜窍门就是要坚持揉一分钟左右。
Now we're going to start to crumble that crumble on top of the pie to create a roof.
现在开始把碎面粉块捏碎，撒在派上面，给它做一个屋顶。
The reason we use a crumble topping is to further help disguise that apple texture. You're welcome.
用碎面粉块做顶料的原因是为了进一步掩盖苹果的质地。不用谢。
Some might call an apple pie with a crumble topping a "Dutch apple pie".
有些人可能会把上面有碎面粉块的苹果派称为“荷兰苹果派”。
But they be wrong. A Dutch apple pie looks like this.
但他们错了。荷兰苹果派是这样的。
Now we're going to cook that on 425 for around 15 minutes.
现在把派放进烤箱，425度烤大约15分钟。
Then we'll turn that heat down to 350 and cook it for another 45 minutes or so.
然后把温度调低到350度，再烤45分钟左右。
You may or may not want to add tin foil to the top of the pie to avoid it getting too dark, or it might just be fine.
你可能想也可能不想在派上面盖锡纸以避免派烤得变得太黑，黑一点可能也没事。
I don't know. I added foil and then I wanted it darker, so I blasted it with the broiler. You can't trust me, guys.
我不知道。我盖了锡纸，然后我又想烤出深一点的颜色，所以就用烤箱把它猛烤了一下。你们不能太相信我，兄弟们。
But you can trust me in terms of putting in the perfect amount of pie filling because I'm just really good at estimating pie filling.
但在放入分量刚好合适的馅料方面，你们可以相信我，因为我真的很擅长估计馅料的多少。
All right, now we're going to let our pie rest for a full 2 hours.
好了，现在让派休息整整2个小时。
That's right, a full 2 hours, unless you want it to spill out like this, which quite frankly is awesome because it's warm and delicious.
没错，整整两个小时，除非你想让它像这样流出来，讲真这种也挺好的，这种派也是又热乎又好吃。
But here it is after 2 hours.
总之2个小时到了。
That extra hour makes the caramel sauce condensed into this ribbon along with the ice cream due to the magic of precipitation or something like that.
多放一会儿就能通过沉淀反应之类的神奇力量让这条用焦糖酱画出来的细线凝固，旁边还配了冰淇淋。
Also this recipe is inside my totally brand new book.
另外，这份食谱也在我新出的书里面。
Whoop, that's weird.
嗯，这太奇怪了。
So now it's time to enjoy your apple pie,
现在可以享受你的苹果派了，
which is the official pie of flat earthers because you took something that was clearly shaped like a globe and turned it into something much flatter.
这是地平说学会的官方馅饼，因为你把一个形状明显是球体的东西变得更扁平了。
And even with this recipe, some people will wish you just left that round thing the way it was.
就算有这个食谱，有些人还是希望你不要去祸祸那个圆球体的苹果，让苹果保持原样吧。
