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It's been called soggy straw.
这道菜被称为湿润的稻草。
It's been called shredded particle board with sauce.
也被称为碎屑刨花加酱汁。
It's been called nasty wet cabbage spaghetti that nobody wants.
还被称为没人想吃的恶心的卷心菜湿意大利面。
And the people who call it these things have themselves been called severely misguided, unevolved, and not my friends.
而把这道菜叫做这些名字的人，也被称为观点严重错误、未进化、不是我的朋友。
YOU SUCK AT COOKING, YEAH YOU TOTALLY SUCK.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
But don't look down on people who feel this way.
但不要瞧不起这些人。
Many people have had BCE resulting in RCT, and this is one of the main culprits.
许多人都有BCE（糟糕凉拌菜经历）导致的RCT（凉拌菜创伤后遗症），而主要的罪魁祸首之一就是它。
It looks like it's been through a wood chipper.
它看起来像是被碎木机切碎过。
And it tastes like being punched in the mouth with a fistful of peppercorns wrapped in sandpaper.
尝起来像是被用砂纸包着的一把胡椒粒砸在嘴上。
Its as if somebody set out to make a dish that embodied the word "abrasive", and they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.
它就像有人准备做一道体现“磨砂”这个词的菜肴，然后效果好得超出他的想象。
Here's another culprit: Overly dressed, overly creamy, overly sweet and overly warm.
这是另一个罪魁祸首：酱汁太多，奶油味太浓，太甜，太热。
And sometimes made with something that may or may not rhyme with spherical blip.
有时候用的是一种和"圆形光点"押韵或不押韵的一种食材。
It's a miracle that anyone could actually swallow this stuff.
要是有人能咽下这个东西，那简直是奇迹。
It's because of these horrible creations that I have to call regular coleslaw "bangin' ", just to counteract years of overwhelming negativity.
正是因为有这些可怕的菜，所以我必须把正常的凉拌菜称为“超绝”，就是为了抵消这么多年来对凉拌菜的深度负面印象。
But there's another reason some people don't like coleslaw and it's actually physiological.
但有些人不喜欢凉拌菜还有另一个原因，这其实是生理上的原因。
The taste receptors on the tongue of a coleslaw hater are often attached to a person who is not living their best life.
讨厌凉拌菜的人舌头上的味觉感受器通常表明这个人过得不是很好。
In other words, coleslaw love is self love.
换句话说，爱凉拌菜就是爱自己。
Come to coleslaw with an open mind, an open heart, and an open mouth.
要带着开放的思想、敞开的心灵和张开的大嘴来吃凉拌菜。
It's important to remember that cabbage is not lettuce.
重要的是要记住，包菜不是生菜。
Cabbage is a cruciferous vegetable, while lettuce is 95 percent air.
包菜是十字花科蔬菜，而生菜中95%都是空气。
Unlike other cruciferous vegetables such as kale--YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL!--
和羽衣甘蓝等其他十字花科蔬菜不同--你没什么特殊的！--
cabbage doesn't need to be humbled, since many people already look down on it.
包菜不需要挫它锐气这一步，因为很多人已经看不起包菜了。
You want to lift up its spirits a bit before you eat it.
在吃它之前，要让它振作精神。
Don't you worry, I love you very very much.
别担心，我非常非常爱你。
Lettuce is weak and flimsy, whereas cabbage is strong and hearty.
生菜非常脆弱，而包菜强壮且开朗。
You can't make a handbag with lettuce, or a pair of waterproof shoes to wear in the shower at the gym, or a pair of really cool leather pants.
用生菜做不了手提包，也做不了在健身房冲澡时穿的防水拖鞋，更做不了很酷的皮裤。
Cabbage also has great acoustics, while lettuce sounds super boring.
包菜也有很好的声音效果，而生菜听起来非常无聊。
That right there is the sound of the heartiness you deserve.
听这个声音，这就是开朗包菜该有的声音。
What I'm getting at here is, cabbage is strong and this is why we chop it.
我的意思是，包菜很强壮，所以可以被切成丝。
Also because cutting lettuce-shaped leaves out of cabbage is time-consuming and stupid.
还因为把包菜切成生菜形状的叶片既耗时又愚蠢。
For Bangin' Coleslaw number one, I'm making a simple creamy coleslaw.
第一道超绝凉拌菜，我准备做简单的奶油酱凉拌菜。
For this coleslaw I'm gonna use green cabbage, also known as sickly-pale-almost-white cabbage, also known as literally a bowling ball.
做这道菜的话，我要用绿色包菜，也被称为病态苍白接近白色的包菜，基本上可以当保龄球来使。
And Napa cabbage, also known as Chinese Cabbage, also known as basically lettuce, which I'll pair with the Napa wine.
还要用到结球白菜，也被称为大白菜，基本上可以当作生菜，我准备给它配上一杯纳帕红酒。
But since grape juice is for children, I'm actually drinking Agave juice, which is for grown-ups.
但葡萄汁是给小孩喝的，所以我实际上喝的是龙舌兰果汁，这才是成年人喝的东西。
Another way that coleslaw is bangin' is you sometimes have to bang the cabbage to get the knife through,
之所以叫超绝（bang也指"猛砸"）凉拌菜，另一个原因是有时你必须砸一砸这个菜，才能让刀切开它，
if you don't know what you're doing like me.
如果你像我一样不太会切菜的话。
I'm gonna make a perfectly symmetrical cut here and then thinly slice it.
我把它切成了完全对称的两半，然后再切成细丝。
I'm not shredding it, because that's how you get wet, cabbage, slop. See exhibit number one.
不需要切得太碎，因为这样凉拌菜会又湿又软。这就是一号证物。
I'm gonna use around seven cups total between the two cabbage.
两个卷心菜切出来差不多用七杯就够了。
Half cup mayo, tablespoon of lime, a f*ck ton of pepper pepper pepper and a pinch of salt.
半杯蛋黄酱，一汤匙青柠汁，一吨胡椒胡椒胡椒和一小撮盐。
I'm gonna wangjangle that dressing together, then we'll pour that on to the cabbage.
把调料搅拌均匀，然后淋在包菜上。
This coleslaw can be served at a range of temperatures, between cold and definitely not warm in the slightest.
这道凉拌菜可以在不同温度下食用，食用温度从冷到一点都不热均可。
For Bangin' Coleslaw number two, take a grotesquely large carrot.
做第二道超绝凉拌菜，那就选一个超大的胡萝卜吧。
Size shame it. "You're disgusting!"
先对它进行体型羞辱。"你真恶心！"
Shave off all the healthy minerals, then reduce it from a big strong carrot into soft little carrot fluff.
把所有健康的矿物质都刮掉，再把它从一个又大又硬的胡萝卜变成柔软的小胡萝卜丝。
Take two cups of that, a couple cups of the green cabbage, and a couple of cups of the purple stuff.
胡萝卜丝的用量是两杯，再来几杯绿色卷心菜，以及几杯紫色的东西。
Whoa, that's amazing. It's like we're in an airplane, flying over a topographical map and understanding life, man.
哇，太不可思议了。就像我们乘飞机俯瞰着一张地形图，然后悟透了生活，老兄。
Third cup of olive oil, third cup of cider vinegar, third cup of Dijon or whole grain Dijon, pinch of salt, and a bunch of pepper pepper pepper.
三分之一杯橄榄油，三分之一杯苹果醋，三分之一杯第戎芥末酱或全谷物第戎，一小撮盐，以及一把胡椒胡椒胡椒。
Add more or less cabbage according to how saucy you want it, and always add salt to taste.
根据你想要的酱汁厚薄程度，可以多加或少加包菜，加盐的时候一定要尝咸淡。
Do my eyes deceive me, or is this an edible, three-dimensional Jackson Pollock I see before me?
是我的眼睛欺骗了我，还是在我面前的就是可食用的3D杰克逊·波洛克的画作？
For Bangin' Coleslaw number three, we have a mayo free, creamy slaw, that's all about the Sweet Tart intersection.
第三道超绝凉拌菜是不含蛋黄酱的奶油凉拌菜，色彩缤纷错杂，就像Sweet Tart糖果一样。
Half cup of Greek Yogurt, one tablespoon of lime, one teaspoon of honey and a pinch of salt.
半杯希腊酸奶，一汤匙青柠汁，一汤匙蜂蜜和一小撮盐。
We're gonna take around six cups of assorted cabbage.
各种卷心菜一共来六杯。
Slice a green apple so that it looks like cabbage so that no one takes a selfish scoop with extra apple.
切一个青苹果，冒充包菜，免得有人自私地多吃一个苹果。
We'll take precisely one third cup of dried cranberries, chop them up.
拿正好三分之一杯蔓越莓干，把它们切碎。
Don't forget to test out that apple dipping sauce. Mmm!
别忘了尝尝苹果蘸酱。好吃！
Now it doesn't look like this dressing is gonna go the distance.
估计酱汁有点不够。
This is where your fortitude comes in, to recognize that your dressing isn't gonna go the distance so you're gonna need to double it up.
这时候要稳如泰山，要意识到你的酱汁确实不够，所以需要再加入一倍的酱汁。
Now feel free to add more lime and salt to taste.
现在可以随意添加更多的青柠和盐来调味。
The final aspect to making a bangin' coleslaw is to bang on the side of your slaw vessel to acoustically tenderize the cabbage.
做超绝凉拌菜的最后一步是敲打容器的一侧，用声音把包菜变软。
Non-acoustically tenderized cabbage just tastes boring and rhythm-less.
没有经过声音软化的包菜尝起来很无聊，也没有节奏。
So make sure you don't skip this step.
因此，请确保不要跳过这一步。
If you don't like coleslaw, then I feel bad for you.
如果你不喜欢凉拌菜，那我真为你感到遗憾。
I hope one day you figure it out, cause it means that you've got issues!
希望有一天你能明白，因为这说明你有问题！
Mmm Mmm!
享受啊！
