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Today we're making pumpkin bread.
今天我们做南瓜面包。
It's bread that tastes like pumpkin, not pumpkin carved into the shape of bread slices that you'd put in a toaster, then slather with butter and cinnamon.
就是味道像南瓜的面包，不是把南瓜切成面包片的形状，然后放进烤面包机，涂上超多黄油和肉桂。
Mmm. That actually tastes revolting.
嗯，味道真是很恶心。
You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
You're gonna need one fifteen-ounce can of wild pumpkin captured within thirty days of a full moon,
你需要：在出现满月的30天内捕捉一个野生南瓜，南瓜用量是15盎司，
four large eggs from a possessed chicken, two and a half cups of cursed brown sugar,
被附身的鸡下的四个大鸡蛋，两杯半受诅咒的黄糖，
half cup of water that's passed through the body of a ghost,
半杯流过鬼魂身体的水，
three and a half cups of all-purpose flour- - including the purpose of making pumpkin bread -
三杯半通用面粉（包括制作南瓜面包的用途），
two-thirds cup of butter from an angry cow, two teaspoons of haunted baking soda,
三分之二杯用愤怒奶牛的奶做成的黄油，两茶匙闹鬼的小苏打，
one teaspoon of haunted baking powder, two-thirds teaspoon of haunted salt,
一茶匙闹鬼的泡打粉，三分之二茶匙闹鬼的盐，
three teaspoons of haunted pumpkin pie spice, and one cup of chopped walnuts that's had the daylights scared out of it.
三茶匙闹鬼的南瓜派香料粉，还有一杯不见天日的核桃碎。
Its not going to taste right if you don't bless the ingredients with a sacred harvest wand.
如果不用神圣的丰收魔杖祝福这些材料，最后的味道就不会好吃。
You can make a sacred harvest wand out of anything as long as the materials are sacred, which means they were made by God, which is all things so it's not difficult.
用任何东西都可以做一根神圣的丰收魔杖，只要这个东西是神圣的，也就是说要是上帝创造的东西，而一切都是上帝创造的，所以找这些东西并不难。
I've got this sacred celery-orange harvest wand, which I hereby bless these ingredients with.
我有一个神圣的芹菜橙子丰收魔杖，在此为这些食材祝福。
I have this PVC pipe sacred harvest wand, which I hereby bless these ingredients with,
我还有一根神圣的塑料管丰收魔杖，在此为这些食材祝福，
which cancels out the first blessing, so I'm gonna hereby bless these ingredients one more time with my sacred harvest baguette with carrot handle.
这样就抵消了第一次的祝福，所以再次我要用神圣的带胡萝卜手柄的法棍魔杖再次祝福这些食材。
The flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and pumpkin pie spice get sifted together in a bowl.
面粉，小苏打，泡打粉，盐和南瓜派香料一起放在碗里过筛。
Now you can mix together cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves instead of getting the pumpkin pie spice, but it doesn't make you a better cook and it doesn't make you better than my mom.
不用南瓜派香料的话，也可以把肉桂、生姜、肉豆蔻、多香果和丁香混合，但这样并不说明你厨艺高超，并不会让你做饭比我妈做的好吃。
We're gonna put the softened butter and sugar into another bowl and use the hand mixer until they're well combined.
把软化的黄油和糖放进另一个碗里，然后用搅拌器搅拌，直到完全混合。
If you've never used a hand mixer, it's very similar to a cordless electric screwdriver, which is just as easy as using a cordless kinetic screwdriver.
不知道你用没用过搅拌器，它和无绳电动螺丝刀非常像，用普通螺丝刀也很方便。
Now we'll add the pumpkin, eggs, and water until that's fully wangjangled.
现在加入南瓜、鸡蛋和水，直到完全混合均匀。
Then we'll slowly add the dry ingredients, until they're thoroughly combined, until you get a giant bowl of peanut-butter-pumpkin goop.
然后慢慢加入干配料，直到完全混合，混合成一大碗花生酱南瓜粘液。
You can taste the batter to see where it's at if you don't mind raw eggs.
如果你不介意生鸡蛋，可以尝尝这个面糊，看看味道怎么样。
Just kidding, don't be disgusting.
只是开个玩笑，别做这么恶心的事。
Now we'll spray two nine-inch loaf pans with non-stick spray and divide that spooky batter between them.
现在，在两个九英寸的面包烤盘上喷洒不粘喷雾，把这个诡异的面糊分成两份倒进去。
If you don't have two pans, just pour the other half of the batter down the sink.
如果你没有两个烤盘，那就把另一份面糊倒进水槽。
Undoe's on three fundoe, and we'll slide those in there, whoops, slide those in there for an hour.
烤箱350度，把它们放......嗷......把它们放进去烤一个小时。
While the pumpkin goop is becoming pumpkin bread, go for an autumnal forest walk and ponder what makes bread, bread.
当南瓜面糊在被烤成南瓜面包时，去秋天的森林里散散步，思考是什么使面包成为面包。
Is it the loaf shape? Or its ability to be cut into slices?
是面包的形状吗？还是它被切成薄片的能力？
Also how is the bread here in my hand if it's still baking in the undoe?
以及如果面包还在烤箱里烤着，它又怎么会出现在我手里呢？
The answer is simple!
答案很简单！
Time is an illusion, and nobody cares what makes bread, bread.
时间是一种幻觉，没有人关心是什么使面包成为面包。
So the hours up. We're gonna take it out, stick in a toothpick and make sure there's no goop sticking to it.
时间到了。把面包拿出来，插上一根牙签，确保牙签上没有黏糊糊的东西。
After a few minutes, slide them out of the loaf pan and let them cool on a wire rack so they don't overcook.
几分钟后，把它们从烤盘中倒出来，放在铁丝架上冷却，这样就不会烤得太过。
If you don't have a wire rack, place it on a non-toxic coat hanger on a non-toxic pot.
如果你没有铁丝架，可以在无毒的铁锅上放一个无毒的衣架，然后把面包放上去。
And keep your toxic personality away from it for at least an hour.
并让你的有毒人格远离它至少一个小时。
Now you wanna sneak one piece of candy corn into each loaf.
现在偷偷往每个面包里放一颗玉米糖。
And then when you and your friends are eating this, tell them 'whoever gets the candy corn wins a prize.
然后，你和你的朋友们在吃面包的时候，告诉他们‘谁吃到玉米糖，谁就赢了。
And the prize is one piece of candy corn, congratulations you already have it!'
奖品是一颗玉米糖，祝贺你，你已经拥有了奖品！’
Now you wanna break out your sad lamp.
‘现在打开你的悲伤之灯。
Stare at that for a good 7 hours a day to help you adjust to the seasonal change.
每天盯着它看整整7个小时，帮助你适应季节变化。
In the dead of winter sleep with it directly on your face with your eyes taped open.
在深冬时节，睡觉的时候把灯贴脸放着，并用胶带让眼睛睁开。
And break out a happy lamp too because you have to balance out those emotions.
再打开一盏快乐之灯，因为必须平衡一下情绪。
Now it's time to crawl into your Winter Hibernation Fort and prepare to ride it out.
现在可以爬进你的冬眠城堡，准备安稳地越冬。
If you sleep long enough, it'll go by in one quick painful flash that won't feel longer than eleven months.
如果你睡得时间够长，冬天一眨眼就过去了，不会感觉比11个月更漫长。
Summer's running up, Autumn's running in.
夏天要走了，秋天要来了。
Wish it was May and I could take it for another spin.
多希望现在是五月，可以再过一个夏天。
Spend the year, waiting for it to begin. And then it's here and now it's gone. I wanna grip on the season I'm in.
用了一整年，等夏天到来。夏天来了又走了，我想抓住这个夏天。
Summer's always the one that moves the fastest.
夏天总是过得最快。
Why we gotta live in a world that's on an axis? Gonna move to a nice warm state of denial. TTYL, I think I'm gonna be a while.
为什么我们要生活在有自转轴的世界？我要进入一种温暖的否认状态。晚点再聊，可能过会儿才能再见。
Winter I can feel you lurking, how about you, fuck off!
冬天，我能感觉到你蠢蠢欲动，你感觉到了吗？冬天快滚开！
I think we'll do this year without you with your frigid, freezing, cold and your feezing and stuff.
我想今年可以离开你，你凛冽，冰冷又寒冷。
You can miss me with your windy freezing cold and slush.
你可以思念我，带着你的寒风、冰冷和泥泞。
Or maybe just drop by for no more than a month and then move on.
或者你顺路停留片刻，不要超过一个月，然后就离开。
But the snow's so pretty! It's so fucking majestic in the night.
但是雪太美了！晚上真是太壮观了。
Yeah the snow's so pretty when it's falling, floating down from sky.
当雪从天空飘落，它是如此美丽，纷纷扬扬。
Yeah the snow's so pretty. A million specks reflecting in the ice. Yeah the snow's so pretty.
雪太美了。数不清的雪花闪着冰晶的光芒。雪太美了。
But it feels so good when we get back to light.
但当阳光再次照耀，那感觉真的很好。
