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If you're watching this with your significant other, it's time to turn to each other and repeat after me: I love you (I love you) .
如果你是和你的另一半一起看这个视频，请面对彼此，跟我念：我爱你(我爱你)。
But let's be honest (but let's be honest ),
但说实话(但说实话)，
we're basically friends pretending it's still there (we're basically friends pretending it's still there) .
我们基本上只算朋友，只是假装还有爱情(我们基本上只算朋友，只是假装还有爱情)。
And pretending is for children (and pretending is for children) ,
一切都是为了孩子(一切都是为了孩子)，
which means we're still in touch with our youth (which means we're still in touch with our youth),
这意味着我们仍然和年轻的自己有联系(这意味着我们仍然和年轻的自己有联系)，
and therefore our relationship is strong (and therefore our Relationship is strong)
因此我们的关系很牢固(因此我们的关系很牢固)，
but only really as friends ( but only as friends) that used to have sex (that used to have sex)
但只是朋友关系(但只是朋友关系)，那种曾经发生过关系的朋友(那种曾经发生过关系的朋友)，
but never will again (but never will again.)
但以后永远不会再发生了(但以后永远不会再发生了)。
Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie, pumpkin muffin huffin puffin crumbling dumpling
情人节快乐，小甜甜，小南瓜，小甜饼，小饼饼，小干干，小饺子。
You Suck At ROMANCE, Yeah You Totally Suck.
你完全不懂浪漫，你弱爆了。
Okay, if you survived that, congratulations!
如果说完那些话你还活着，那么恭喜你！
Your relationship is in a really good place or you're in super deep denial, both equally difficult accomplishments. Good job.
你们要么关系真的很好，要么都在极力否认事实，这两种情况都是不容易达到的成就。了不起。
You're gonna need one cup of packed brown sugar, one fork, half a cup of melted butter,
你需要一杯压实的黄糖，一个叉子，半杯融化的黄油。
You're gonna mix this together the old-fashioned way, which is clockwise.
用老办法把它们混合均匀，也就是顺时针方向搅动。
You can just quit and eat that with a spoon. Woah, I just whistled.
你可以到此为止，直接拿起勺子开吃。我，我刚吹了个口哨，
I'm gonna take, whoops, one teaspoon of pure vanilla extract, one egg that doesn't have a personality
加一茶匙纯香草精，一个没有个性的鸡蛋。
Get those mixed up till you got this buttery, rich, caramely sauce. Look at that. Don't you want to just eat a spoonful of this?
搅拌均匀，直到变成这种黄油状的浓郁的焦糖色酱糊。看啊，你不想来一勺吗？
No you don't, cuz there's raw egg in it.
不，你不想，因为里面有生鸡蛋。
Now we're gonna take one and a half cups of all-purpose flour, quarter teaspoon of baking soda, and half a teaspoon of salt.
现在倒入一杯半的中筋面粉，四分之一茶匙的小苏打，半茶匙的盐。
Wanjangle that together with something that's got some good mustard stains on it.
然后用粘了芥末酱污渍的某个东西把它搅拌搅拌。
Why don't you guess what happens next? WRONG. What we're gonna do is start to combine all these ingredients into one thing.
要不要猜猜接下来干什么？错了。接下来我们要把这些东西融在一起。
You thought we were gonna bake them separately, but you're dumb.
你以为要把它们分开烘焙，你这个傻瓜。
Just go until you got a pretty good dough here
搅到它变成一个面团。
Then we're gonna take a whole cup of chocolate chips. Oh yeah, so many chocolate chip cookies are under-chocolate-chipped. That ends NOW.
然后倒入一整杯巧克力碎。耶，很多巧克力曲奇的巧克力含量根本不足。这种情况到此为止。
All right. So I've pre-parchment-papered this pan. You can use a regular pan and add the parchment paper after if you want to.
好的，我提前把烤盘上铺了羊皮纸，你也可以用普通的烤盘，然后再铺上羊皮纸。
And then we're just gonna take...not even ping-pong ball size really.
然后把......还没有乒乓球大。
I made these earlier. I could only fit six. I feel like I've shrunk in the time-space reality. Okay, "Undo's on 370 fundo". Good journey!
我之前做的时候烤盘只能装六个，我感觉我好像在时空现实中缩小了。好的，烤箱370度，一路顺风！
Alright so they're just starting to get a little golden. That might be too much, but you decide. There's lots of leeway here you can go.
好的，饼干颜色刚刚开始变得有点金黄，也可能烤太久了，看你怎么觉得，有很多自由发挥的空间。
Less cooked, more chewy. More cooked, less chance of getting salmonella.
少烤一会儿，嚼起来口感就更好。多烤一会儿，感染沙门氏菌的几率就更小。
Congratulations, you're a romantic person if you've baked someone cookies.
如果你给别人做过曲奇饼干，恭喜你，你是个很浪漫的人。
It's such a nice thing to do, but there are other options. For example:
这样做很不错，但还有其他选择，例如：
If you want to be super romantic, a heart cookie says: I have some pretty good feelings about you. But I also don't have an original bone in my body and I just do what the Corporation's taught me to do. And by the way I love you sweetie honey pumpkin pie darling, so much.
如果你想表现得超级浪漫，就做个心形饼干，然后说：我对你很有好感，但我没什么创意，我只是按公司教我的做。顺便说一句，我爱你，甜心蜂蜜南瓜派亲爱的，非常爱你。
Or make a cookie in the shape of a car to say:
或者做一个汽车形状的饼干，然后说：
Baby I love you so much. Let's go on a road trip.
宝贝，我非常爱你，让我们去公路旅行吧。
Or sometimes I wish I could just get in the car and drive and drive and drive and never look back.
或者说：有时候我真希望我能上了车，一直开啊开啊，永远不回头。
Happy Valentine's Day, I love you.
情人节快乐，我爱你，
Or bake your cookie into the shape of a hammer to say:
或者把饼干烤成锤子的形状，然后说：
Babe, you're so handy around the house. I really appreciate how you fix all the stuff that's broken.
宝贝，你在家里真能干。我真的很感谢你把坏掉的东西都修好了。
Or for Christ's sakes, Jason, would you mind fixing the back deck finally? So don't step on a nail and get lockjaw?
或者说：杰森，看在老天爷的份上，你能不能去把后院的地板修好？免得我踩到钉子上，然后得破伤风？
Happy Valentine's Day, love you.
情人节快乐，爱你。
Or make a cute little baby to say: Honey I think it's time we start a family.
或者烤个可爱的小宝宝饼干，然后说：亲爱的，我想我们是时候组建一个家庭了。
Or you are so FUCKING IMMATURE. I'm not even mad at you. I'm mad at myself for not being able to see in advance. And now I can't even bring it up because I don't have to admit that I've been resenting this aspect of you for years, which would just make me feel vulnerable, which is so unfair cuz you're the living child.
或者说：你太他么的不成熟了。我甚至都不生你的气，我气我自己之前没看清你。现在我都不想提起这件事，因为我不需要承认这么多年来我一直很讨厌你的这一面，这样说只会让我感到脆弱，但这很不公平，因为你才是那个巨婴。
Happy Valentine's Day.
情人节快乐。
But look, whatever your cookie choose, just remember that in the end there's really nothing more romantic than honesty.
但是不管你选择什么样的饼干，请记住，说到底没有什么比诚实更浪漫的了。
Honesty is..is the best thing for being honest.
诚实本身就是最好的东西。
Probably not the best thing if you're feeling good in the short term.
如果你想在短期内感觉良好，诚实可能不是最好的东西。
But you'll probably be better off in the long term.
但从长远来看，诚实可能会让你变得更好。
Pretty sure or at least I know someone who's a psychiatrist, who would probably repeat that if I force him to.
我很肯定是这样，至少我认识一个精神科医生，我要是强迫他的话他也会说这些话。
Happy Valentine's Day.
情人节快乐。
Brought to you by finger guns and agave juice.
用手给您比个枪吧，龙舌兰果汁干杯。
Relationships are weird.
恋爱关系很奇怪。
They're usually good for about a year.
甜甜蜜蜜就一年。
Until you start getting to the difficult stuff and you feel like you've had enough. Oh god don't give up,
然后有了麻烦，你觉得你受够了。哦，不要放弃啊。
unless it really sucks, in which case steal their truck.
除非真的很难扯，那样的话就偷走他们的卡车。
You suck at being romantic. But maybe if you worked at it just a little bit, you wouldn't suck so bad. So make some chocolate chip cookies tonight.
你完全不懂浪漫。或许如果你努力一点点，你不会这么不浪漫。所以今晚做点巧克力曲奇饼干吧。
Oh my god, you suck.
哦，我的天，你弱爆了。
