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Do you remember,
你还记得吗？
The time when eating chips was pure?
那时吃薯片还是一件很纯粹的事，
When chips and dip were two of the top five things in life,
那时薯片和蘸酱是生命最重要的五样东西之二，
and eating them could make you lose your goddamn mind?
吃薯片和蘸酱能让你快乐到失去理智。
When eating chips and dip didn't come with an Archimedean calculation
那时吃薯片和蘸酱还不用做阿基米德方程一样的计算，
of whether or not you could afford the calories?
来算你能不能吃这么多卡路里。
It was just pure goodness.
吃薯片就是一件纯粹美好的事。
Yeah, me neither.
是的，我也不记得这些时光了。
The first thing to consider when making chip dip is which chips to use.
做薯片蘸酱首先要考虑的是用哪种薯片。
Right off the bat you want to avoid a weak smooth chip.
想都不用想，一定要避开表面光滑的薄薯片。
These chips are only for looking cool. They're not for heavy lifting.
这种薯片只是看起来好看，但成不了大事。
They're so fragile you can easily break this with your ha....
它们非常脆弱，很容易碎掉，只消用手......
You're weak!
你太弱了！
Use a strong chip that's been cooked inside a kettle.
可以用在壶里面做出来的薯片，
Or a chip with a nano web of woven micro fiber strengthening lines.
或者用带有纳米网状波浪微纤维加强纹路的薯片。
And whatever you do, don't go using flimsy chips.
不管你用什么，都不要用软趴趴的薯片。
These are a dip's worst nightmare.
这种薯片是蘸酱最可怕的噩梦。
And until some pharmaceutical company steps up and does something...
直到某制药公司出面并有所行动......
Woah!
哦!
The next thing you want to ask yourself is, “What flavor of chips should I use?”
接下来要问问自己，"我想用哪种口味的薯片?"
The answer is potato flavored,
答案是土豆味的，
Also known as just salt,
也叫只有盐的口味，
Also known as boring flavor,
也叫无聊的口味，
Also known as regular.
也叫普通口味。
Do not use any irregularly flavored chips, which are just chips coated and dried dip.
不要用任何特殊口味的薯片，这种都是涂了干调料的薯片。
It's just too many flavors and also get off my lawn.
这种薯片的味道太重了，而且我也吃不惯。
The dip is the flavor, the chip is the disposable dip elevator.
蘸酱就是带来味道的，薯片就是一次性的蘸酱电梯。
Easy chip dip number one is only two ingredients,
简单薯片蘸酱的第一种只要两样原料。
One tub of sour cream and a packet of onion soup mix.
一盒酸奶油，一包洋葱汤调料。
You can put in the whole packet or just taste it until you reach the ideal soup mix molecule dispersion density.
可以把一整包都倒进去，也可以边加边尝，直到汤包调料的分子分散密度达到理想状态。
I like it a bit less strong, much like your biceps.
我喜欢不要太强的，就像你的肱二头肌一样。
When I was younger and hated both onions and texture,
我小时候讨厌洋葱和有颗粒的口感，
I would put the onion soup mix through a strainer, so I'd only get the powder
所以我会把洋葱汤调料筛一遍，这样就只有粉末了，
making for a dip that's ultra smooth, if you know what I mean.
可以让蘸酱超级丝滑，你懂我的意思吗？
I mean that the dip was really smooth.
我的意思就是蘸酱真的很丝滑。
Damn. That's a good chip dip.
哇，这蘸酱太正了。
Easy chip dip number two is salt and vinegar dip.
简单薯片蘸酱第二种是盐醋酱。
Sure, you can buy chips with the salt and vinegar already on them
当然，你也可以直接买已经有盐和醋的薯片，
If you're A: lazy, or B: like salt and vinegar chips.
如果你比较懒或者很喜欢盐醋味薯片的话。
We're gonna take 1/2 cup Mayo,
倒入半杯蛋黄酱，
1/2 a cup of sour cream,
半杯酸奶油，
2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar,
两勺意大利香醋，
(Oh look, balse vigato.)
1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard,
一茶匙第戎芥末，
1/2 a teaspoon of salt,
半茶匙盐，
wangjangle that together with a fork.
用勺子搅拌均匀。
This isn't a bowl of cereal, the fork is the right tool.
这不是一碗麦片，所以勺子是合适的工具。
Then add in some pepper pepper pepper
然后加入胡椒胡椒胡椒。
This chip dip is really great if you like the taste of contrasting colors blended together into visual harmony.
如果你喜欢对比色混合成看起来很和谐的颜色，
Or if you just like the taste of chip dip.
或者你只是很喜欢蘸酱的味道的话，这个蘸酱真的很棒。
Mmm, that's a damn good chip dip.
嗯，这个蘸酱太正了。
For easy chip dip number three you want 1/2 cup sour cream,
简单薯片蘸酱第三种，需要半杯酸奶油，
1/2 cup of mayo (not lyrical flip) and 2 teaspoons of dried dill.
半杯蛋黄酱(不是反着说词)和两茶匙干茴香。
Now just duct tape your hands to the counter so that you restrain yourself from eating it for around 20 minutes,
现在用胶带把你的双手粘在料理台上，免得你自己会吃掉蘸酱，大约过20分钟，
Until the dried dill has rehydrated and become fresh dill.
直到干茴香重新吸足水分变成新鲜茴香。
Then Hulk your way out of that.
然后巨人般挣脱胶带。
And remember that dill is a weed, so you want to spray some really strong pesticide on this one before you eat it.
要记住茴香是野草，所以吃之前要喷上一些强效杀虫剂。
Damn, that's a good chip dip.
哇，这个蘸酱很正啊。
While serving chips in a bowl is fine, serving dip in a bag is not.
用碗装薯片没关系，用塑料袋装蘸酱就不行了。
But serving chips in a bag bowl is awesome.
但用袋子做的碗装薯片就超酷。
Crack the corner of the bag to let some air out then turn it upside down.
把袋子的角撕开一点，放出一些空气，然后翻过来。
If you're wondering why these aren't regular chips, that's because I know when to break the rules.
你可能在想为什么这些不是普通口味的薯片，那是因为我知道什么时候可以打破规矩。
Work the other side inward to create the bowl shape.
把另一头塞进去，做出碗的形状。
Flip and open the first side, then finish working it up until the chips are at the brim.
把开口打开，到薯片要冒出袋子的时候就不用继续塞了。
Don't forget to use some reflective tape to make a secret last few chips pocket.
别忘了用反光胶带做一个小口袋，用来藏最后几个薯片。
To store your extra chips: fold the top of the bag down a few times, bend the ends in, and flip.
要保存剩下的薯片的话，把袋口向下折叠几次，两端折进去，然后封上。
Now it may look like this technique holds the chips in really strongly but...
这种方法看起来可以把薯片牢牢地封在里面，但是......
You are correct. It does.
没错，确实很牢。
Now remember not to double-dip with communal chips.
记住大家一起吃薯片的时候不要把咬过的薯片蘸两次酱。
If you think you might have double dippers in your midst,
如果你觉得你们当中有这种人，
when you whip up that dip,
你在做蘸酱的时候，
tape a pair of double dipping scissors with good grip to the lips,
用胶带在碗的边沿处牢牢粘上一把剪刀，
so they won't slip in the bacteria drenched tips, so the chips can be snipped real quick,
这样他们就不会把沾满细菌的薯片蘸进去，可以用剪刀把那部分很快地剪掉，
and add a thick rip resistant drip strip so you don't end up with a dip slick on your thick picnic stick,
还可以放一条撕不坏的毛巾，这样野餐木棍上就不会沾上蘸酱污渍了，
Which shouldn't be lying around anyways.
其实这个木棍也不该放在这里，
It's a picnic stick. Not a covered stick.
这是野餐用的，不是盖东西用的。
For a truly bacteria free chip shift: use tweezers to swiftly dip, lift and stick without flicking the lips
要想薯片上一点细菌都不沾，就用镊子快速蘸酱、把薯片拎出来，然后粘在脸上，别碰到嘴巴。
Siiiiiiick.
恶心啊。
Chip dip, it's not flip dip.
薯片酱，不是薯条酱。
But if it went by really fast, then I'd probably call it blip dip.
但如果说得很快，那我可能会说成薯薯酱。
Load your chip up too much, let it be a drip dip.
薯片蘸的酱太多，酱会滴下来。
Spill it on the floor, be careful, slip dip.
把酱洒到地板上，小心，洒洒酱。
Chip dip, it's not lip dip.
薯片酱，不是片片酱。
When I pour it on a jack-knife, then it's well equipped dip.
我把酱倒在折叠刀上，就是刀刀酱。
In the top 10, yeah that's hit dip.
排名前十，是大受欢迎的酱。
Eat too many at once and you've got guilt trip dip.
一次吃太多就成了良心不安酱。
Past the atmosphere, on a spaceship dip.
穿过大气层，在飞船上。
Chip dip slacking off? Here's a pink slip dip.
薯片酱在偷懒？那就炒了它。
Floating in the water? Got some skinny dip dip.
在水里能漂起来？那就来点瘦瘦酱。
Naturally adhesive, that's a real good grip dip.
天然有粘性，真是好酱。
Chip dip, in a pinch dip.
薯片酱，一点点酱。
If you want it partially used, then go to the dealership dip.
如果想要用过的酱，去店里买酱。
Brag about your awesome ego trip dip.
吹吹你那了不起的骄傲酱。
You're so very clever with your really quick quip dip.
快快地做出了酱，你真是个小机灵。
Let's go find a ring fellowship dip.
去找个指环王酱。
Ask permission before sending dip pics.
发酱图之前先问可不可以。
Eat it in the country like a real good hick dip
在村里吃酱，好棒的农家酱。
Turn it to 11 then it's time to let it rip dip.
到了11点就该放肆大吃一酱。
