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This video is best enjoyed while wearing headphones.
这个视频最好是戴着耳机欣赏。
If you don't have a set of headphones just hold up a laptop to each ear for the stereo effect.
如果你没有耳机，那就每只耳朵旁边举一台笔记本电脑，这样可以达到立体声效果。
This video is also best enjoyed with a cold can of soda.
这个视频也最好是搭配一罐冰镇汽水观看。
And a crispy crunchy snack.
还有一包酥脆的零食。
Mmmmmmmm. Snacks.
嗯，零食啊。
Latkes,
土豆饼，
also known as Potato Pancakes, also known as Starchy Saucers, Root Vegetable Frisbees, Flat French Fries, Crisp Discs and Circles of Health.
也叫土豆煎饼，淀粉碟子，根茎蔬菜飞盘，扁平薯条，香脆圆盘以及健康之圆。
Today we're going to use subscription potatoes.
今天我们用订购的土豆。
Unwrap them from the envelope.
把它们从信封里打开。
Then unwrap them from the tinfoil.
然后把它们从锡纸里拆开。
Then take off the layer of protective bubble wrap.
然后取下气泡保护膜。
And gently roll the potatoes against it in order to infuse them with air bursts.
然后将土豆在上面轻轻滚压，向其中注入爆裂的空气。
Now let's rinse those potatoes.
现在，把土豆洗干净。
And scrub them with our shower brush that we normally use for our shoulders, back and ass.
用我们通常拿来洗肩膀、背部和臀部的澡刷子把土豆刷一刷。
Now let's peel the skin off the potato that we cleaned for some reason.
现在，把不知道为什么洗干净了的土豆皮削掉。
Now take a shallot and remove the outer skin.
拿一个葱头，剥掉外皮。
If you find it tricky, grab a pair of scissors and cut it off.
如果你觉得不好剥，可以拿一把剪刀把它剪下来。
Then fold up the portion of that skin and just give it a little snippy-snap.
然后把一块葱皮折叠一下，剪成碎片。
And create yourself a little row of dolls.
这样就给自己做了一排小人。
They were conjoined quadruplets, but now they're two happy couples I guess.
他们原本是连体四胞胎，但我猜他们现在是两对幸福的夫妻。
Now let's go ahead and chop the ever-living out of those shallots.
现在，把葱头切碎。
Shallots, imprisoning me, all that I see, absolute layers.
葱头，将我囚禁，我的眼前，层层叠叠。
Now let's shred that potato into a pulp.
然后把土豆全刮成丝。
Potatoes, hit with a knife, cut down the sides, gettin' all shre-hehhhh-ded.
土豆，撞上刀尖，切成碎片，全被刮成丝丝丝。
Now take the American Apparel T-shirt you bought at the going-out-of-business sale,
拿一件你在破产甩卖时买的AA美国服饰T恤，
that doesn't fit you because they didn't have what you normally get,
这件衣服不合身，因为店里没有你通常穿的码了，
and cut that down to size.
然后把衣服减小一点。
Now fill that with the shredded potato and give that a good squeeze.
衣服上放慢土豆丝，好好挤压一下，
Really squeeze all that water out of there.
把所有的水都挤出来。
You're a good squeezer.
你很会挤东西的。
Now let's grind in some delicious sodium chloride.
现在磨一些美味氯化钠。
Let's also grind in some pepper pepper pepper.
还有一些胡椒粉。
Now let's go get our farm-fresh eggs.
现在去拿一些农场鲜出的鸡蛋。
Walk across your glass-topped board.
沿着撒满玻璃碎片的木板走过去。
And reach into your Lego bag until you find your eggs.
然后把手伸进乐高袋子里，直到找到鸡蛋。
Now walk across your peanut shell covered board.
现在沿着撒满花生壳的木板走过去。
And don't forget to let your eggs say goodbye.
别忘了让你的鸡蛋说声再见。
Goodbye friend. I'll have you know that I am really going to miss you.
再见了，朋友。我要让你知道，我真的会想你的。
Oooooooohhhhhhh god. Oooooohhhhh no.
哦，天啊，哦，不。
Remember it's completely unnecessary to squeeze the shell in your hands like so.
记住，完全没有必要像这样把蛋壳在手里捏碎。
Now let's give that a good wang-jangling.
把这些东西搅拌均匀。
Take a couple spoonfuls of the potatoes and just gently spoon them into the oil.
舀几勺土豆，用勺子轻轻地把土豆放入油锅。
Close your eyes. Imagine what it was like millions of years ago
闭上眼睛，想象一下几百万年前是什么情景，
when the whole surface of the Earth was covered in volcanic oil
那时整个地球表面都覆盖着火山油。
Bide your time while those are frying by tapping your nails onto varieties of surfaces
土豆在油炸的时候，用指甲在不同物体的表面上敲击，耐心等待时机。
Once they're brown on one side, you can flip them.
土豆的一面变成棕色后，就可以翻一下。
Use another latke for support. Or use the double wang-jangler approach.
可以用另一个土豆饼作为支点。也可以用两个铲子。
Get some paper towels on the plate.
撕一些纸巾放在盘子里，
The paper towels will soak up some of that oil.
纸巾会吸走一些油，
Put some of your favorite sauce on the plate. I'm using sour cream.
在盘子里挤一些你喜欢的酱汁。我挤的是酸奶油。
Now it's time to put the excess latkes away for safekeeping. Wrap the latke in parchment paper.
现在把多余的土豆饼收起来，妥善保管。用油纸把土豆饼包起来。
And then some tissue paper.
再塞一点薄绉纸。
And we'll just top it off with some fire starter.
最后盖上一些用来点火的纸。
Now let's tape that shut.
现在用胶带把它封上。
Make a curly Q out of some blue ribbon.
用蓝丝带卷几个卷。
Now tape that down to the box for decorative purposes.
然后把它粘到盒子上作为装饰。
And then find a nice, dark, comfortable drawer to store it in
然后找一个漂亮、黑暗、舒适的抽屉把它放进去。
And then walk outside into the darkness of night and just SCREAM, 'cause honestly, who can even talk like that for so long! Aaaagh!
然后走到外面，步入黑暗的夜晚，仰天长啸。讲真，谁能一直这么长时间小声说话啊！啊！
Ahhh. That feels so much better
啊，舒服了。
