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Asparagus. Also known as nature's dagger.
芦笋。 也被称为大自然的匕首。
Is the world's most dangerous vegetable, not including the potato shark.
是世界上最危险的蔬菜，土豆鲨除外。
We'll start by taking the asparageese and washing off the asparticles because asparticles aren't good for you.
先拿起芦笋，洗掉表面的颗粒，因为颗粒对身体不好。
And then we'll just dry those off like a freshly bathen baby.
然后像对待刚洗过澡的小婴儿一样，把它们擦干。
Then you can snap off the ends at a bottom knuckle, or just grab your chef's knife, line them all up and then chop them.
然后你可以在底部的关节处将末端折断，或者只是拿起你的厨师刀，把它们排列好，切掉。
You never want to let your chef's knife think it's the boss of the kitchen.
你一定不要让你的厨师刀认为它是厨房的老大。
So we're gonna lay these out on a parchment-papered pan, then drizzle on some olive oil!
我们要把这些放在铺好羊皮纸的烤盘上，然后淋上一些橄榄油!
Gotta keep olive oil on its toes, it's had a free ride long enough.
一定要让橄榄油保持警惕，它太容易得到使用机会了。
Then we'll sprinkle on two tablespoons of sliced almonds.
然后撒上两汤匙杏仁片。
You can slice these yourself, if you want to be a martyr.
如果你想当假圣人，你也可以自己切。
Or a fun thing to do is try to put them back together like an almond puzzle.
或者一件有趣的事是试着把它们拼回去，就像玩杏仁拼图一样。
Just grab some wood glue here aaand perfect.
用点木胶就可以完美呈现。
You'd never know this had been sliced up already.
你永远不会知道这个已经被切过了。
Now we'll sprinkle on one teaspoon of smoked paprika, which you can buy smoked, or just buy the regular paprika and then hotbox it.
现在我们要撒上一茶匙烟熏红辣椒粉，你可以买烟熏的，也可以买普通的红辣椒粉，然后加热。
Now I'm gonna make the asparagus steamroll each other like they're at an oiled up slumber party while on a spice and almond cleanse.
现在我要让芦笋互相碰撞碾压就像他们在涂满油的睡衣派对上吃着香料和杏仁。
See The Goop Lab episode 4.
参考笨蛋实验室第四集。
Then we'll just spread these out to give them a little space, then into the undo,
然后我们把这些展开，给它们留出一点空间，然后展开，
preheated to 4 hundo degundo for around 15 mundo until the almundo start to brundo.
预热到400度大约15分钟，然后开始烤制。
An individual asparagus is known as an asparagus spear.
一个单独的芦笋被称为芦笋矛。
The reason for that is HHHGH! Oh yeah, I still got it.
原因是……哦，我知道！
Most people know that after eating asparagus, your pee will smell like asparagus,
大多数人都知道吃了芦笋后，你的尿液会闻起来像芦笋，
but most people don't know that if you stir your coffee with asparagus, your coffee will smell like pee......if you also pee in your coffee.
但大多数人都不知道，如果你用芦笋搅拌咖啡，你的咖啡闻起来就像尿...... 就像你尿在了咖啡里……
By the way, this recipe is on page 140 of my book, which you really shouldn't stab, it makes it way harder to read.
顺便说一下，这个食谱在我书的140页，你真的不应该点击，这会让它更难读。
Now we'll take the asparagus out of the (un-i-on?) and those are looking pretty good.
现在我们把芦笋拿出来，看起来很不错。
Now we'll transfer them to a fancy platter or a plancy flatter if you prefer.
现在我们要把它们放到一个漂亮的盘子里或者你喜欢的话也可以放到一个扁平的盘子里。
And then you want to collect these almond slice stragglers and bedazzle your asparagus to make it look cool.
然后你要收起这些杏仁片，会让芦笋看起来很酷。
And if you get unwanted splatter you can wipe it off with a paper towel, or use a very tiny vacuum.
如果溅到不需要的东西，你可以用纸巾擦掉，或者用一个很小的真空吸尘器处理。
It's said that in high-end dining asparagus is the only food you can eat with your fingers.
据说，在高档餐厅里，芦笋是唯一可以用手拿着吃的食物。
But when you're aware of just how dangerous this vegetable is, you're much smarter to use pliers.
但当你意识到这种蔬菜有多危险时，你会更聪明地使用钳子。
Mmm, that's a damn good asparagus.
芦笋真他妈好吃。
And now together, let's recite the asparagus oath.
现在，让我们一起来背诵芦笋誓言。
With great asparagus comes great responsibility.
芦笋好，责任大。
I promise to wield the power of asparagus wisely, to use the awesome destructive power of asparagus for good and not evil.
我保证会明智地运用芦笋的力量，用它可怕的破坏力做好事而不是作恶。
If I can spare an asparagus for a friend or a guest.
如果我能给朋友或客人一份芦笋。
I promise to always to my very best to nature my body, to wield it proudly, to not stab things irresponsibly, to say we all.
我保证永远尽我最大的努力保护我的身体，骄傲地使用它，不会不负责任地刺伤东西，说出我们所有人的心声。
Asparagus.
芦笋。
