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This is a super basic brownie recipe.
这是一个超级基础版的布朗尼食谱。
You can find hundreds of variations of it online, just like your significant other.
你可以在网上找到不同的版本，就像你那重要的另一半。
So take a half cup of flour.
取半杯面粉。
And add a touch of love, a cup of sugar.
加少许爱，一杯糖。
And add in a drop of furiousness.
再加一滴愤怒。
Take a third cup of cocoa powder.
第三杯是可可粉。
And add a spritz of regret.
喷一泵遗憾。
Take two eggs and a sliver of ambivalence and half a cup of melted bitter -- I mean, butter.
拿两个鸡蛋，一小片矛盾心理，半杯融化的苦涩——我是说，黄油。
Wangjangle the dry stuff together.
把干料搅拌在一起。
Mix the wet stuff together.
把湿料混合在一起。
Then add the wet stuff to the dry stuff until it's just combined so you get this gooey perfection.
然后把湿料加到干料里，直到它们完美混合成这种黏糊糊的东西。
Then take a greasy pan and pour it in.
然后拿出一个油乎乎的烤盘，把它倒进去。
You can spread it out with a spatula.
你可以用抹刀把它摊开。
Ondies on 350°.
烤箱开到350度。
And in they go.
把它们放进去。
I love you.
我爱你。
After around 25 minutes, you can take them out.
大约25分钟后，就可以取出来了。
If nothing sticks to the toothpick, you're probably good.
如果牙签没有粘上东西，那大概就烤好了。
Then let them set.
然后等它们成型。
So the easy part's done.
简单的部分做完了。
Now it's time for the hard part.
现在开始做困难的部分。
Put the brownies on a plate, then serve with your annual Relationship Flashcard Test.
把布朗尼蛋糕放进盘子里，然后和你的年度恋情卡片测试一起端上。
Do you still love me?
你还爱我吗？
Good, I love you, too.
很好，我也爱你。
Are you still attracted to me?
你还觉得我有魅力吗？
Oh good. I'm attracted to you, too.
哦很好。我也觉得你很有魅力。
Do you think Chad is hot?
你觉得查德性感吗？
No, I didn't think you would. I was just wondering.
不，我没有认为你会这么觉得。我只是好奇。
Do you ever get an inkling that we are way too deep into the biggest mistake of lives?
你有没有略微感觉到我们已经深陷人生最大的错误中了？
Oh good, I don't get that inkling, either.
太好了，我也没有那种感觉。
So you're not attracted to Chad?
这么说你不觉得查德很有魅力？
No, it's just you sort of laugh at his jokes a lot.
没有啦，只是他讲笑话时你总是会笑。
Whatever, Chad's funny, Chad can be funny. Doesn't bother me.
随便啦，查德很搞笑，他确实搞笑。没有困扰我。
You remember that time I told you that thing I like in bed that I was 100% kidding about unless you are actually into it and not just humoring me or am I kidding now hahaha life is crazy.
你还记得那次在床上我跟你说我喜欢的那件事吗？我当时完全是在开玩笑，除非你真的喜欢，而不是迁就我才这么说，或者我现在就是在开玩笑，哈哈哈，生活太疯狂了。
Next question.
下一个问题。
Do you think my penmanship is really good?
你觉得我的字写得好看吗？
Aw, thanks, Babe!
噢，谢谢你，宝贝！
Rember how we used to be all ramped up and experimental every night and now we're all ramped down and having a mutually non-acknowledged netflixtential crisis?
还记得我们以前每天晚上都充满激情、尝试各种动作吗？而现在我们都热情褪去，面临着一场相互都不承认的网飞危机。
I don't remember that, either.
我也不记得了。
Wouldn't it be cool if instead of Valentine's day it was called free pass day where you could break up without fear of judgment and we'd go out separate ways amicably and be friends without weirdness?
如果这一天不叫作情人节，而是叫作自由通行日，那不是很酷吗？你可以不用担心评判直接分手，我们可以友好地分开，继续做朋友也不感到奇怪。
No? I also don't think that would be cool.
不觉得？我也不觉得那很酷。
So you passed the test.
那么你通过测试了。
You can now have some brownies.
现在你可以吃布朗尼了。
Also, I got you some fresh-baked roses.
还有，我给你准备了刚烤好的玫瑰。
Oh, and by the way, Chad's afraid of spiders, so.
对了，查德怕蜘蛛，所以。
Baby, please don't cry.
宝贝，请不要哭。
Cause I will always love you until the day that I don't.
因为我会永远爱你，直到有一天我不爱你。
Happy Valentine's Day.
情人节快乐。
