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To make cake sandwiches you got to start by making a chocolate cake loaf.
要做蛋糕三明治，你得先做一块巧克力蛋糕。
Also known as a chocolate cakey loaf type thing, which is a cake that looks like a loaf but tastes like a cake but looks like a cake loaf but tastes nothing like bread.
也被称为巧克力蛋糕面包类的东西，这种蛋糕看起来像面包，但尝起来像蛋糕，看起来像蛋糕面包，但尝起来一点都不像面包。
So we'll start by whipping up some homemade flour.
我们先来搅一些自制面粉。
We'll take 1.5 cups of that and put it in a bowl.
我们取1.5杯面粉放到碗里。
Then we'll pour in one and a quarter cups of white sugar to create an idyllic white sand desert.
然后倒入1又1/4杯白糖，营造出一个闲适的白沙沙漠。
Then we'll take three quarters of a cup of unsweetened cocoa powder, which is now instantly sweetened from the beach.
然后我们加3/4杯无糖可可粉，立马它就被海滩甜化了。
Then we'll need one teaspoon of baking soda.
然后我们来一茶匙小苏打。
That goes in the bowl.
加到碗里。
Then we'll take a teaspoon of fine sea salt or ground salt which is just sea salt that's forgotten where it came from.
然后我们加用一茶匙细海盐或磨碎的盐，它其实就是海盐，只是忘记了自己从哪里来。
And we'll put that in a shot glass and then sprinkle it into the bowl.
然后我们把它放到小酒杯里，再撒到碗里。
We'll scrape off a full cup of Wallnuts and Gravitron those into the bowl.
我们刮下满满一杯的核桃，然后用引力把它们倒进碗里。
Then take a half cup of dark chocolate chips and just eat those cause they're delicious.
然后拿出半杯黑巧克力豆，直接吃掉，因为它们太好吃了。
Then take a half cup of dark chocolate slab and slam those through the bowl.
然后拿出半杯黑巧克力块，使劲一推把它们塞进碗里。
Then were gonna sift the dry ingredients together with a fork.
然后我们用叉子把这些干料筛一下。
We do this to get more air into them.
我们这样做是为了让更多的空气进入。
We're not trying to sift for -- Ooh GOLD!
我们不是要筛出——哦，金子!
Wait a second.
等一下。
That's not real gold.
这不是真的金子。
That's pyrite, also known as "dumbfxxk gold".
那是硫化铁，也被称为“傻瓜金”。
Sucker!
傻子们！
Now we'll take a fresh bowl and pour in one and a half cups of unsweetened vanilla almond milk.
现在我们拿出一个干净的碗，倒入一杯半的无糖香草杏仁奶。
Then we'll squeeze in a half cup of fresh vegetable oil.
然后我们再挤半杯新鲜植物油。
Then we use one teaspoon of pure vanilla extract.
然后加入一茶匙纯香草精。
You can use impure vanilla extract but keep in mind that impure extract is going to hell, so it might contaminate your soul.
你可以使用不纯的香草精，但要记住，不纯的香草精是要下地狱的，所以它可能会污染你的灵魂。
And we'll take one teaspoon of apple cider vine -- Woahp! Alright.
我们再来一茶匙苹果醋——诶呀！好吧。
And a quarter cup of raspberry jam.
再来1/4杯覆盆子果酱。
Now we're gonna whisk this all together till the oil is well combined.
现在我们要把这些搅拌在一起，直到油充分混合。
If you want to do it at twice the speed and half the time, you can also use a set of WhiskChucks.
如果你想要事半功倍的话，你也可以用这套WhiskChucks。
Now were gonna take the dry stuff and make a wet stuff receptacle, also known as a cake pit.
现在我们要用这些干料做一个湿料的容器，也叫蛋糕坑。
This divot is so that the wet ingredients feel more welcome by giving them a dry abrasive hug.
这里露出的部分是为了让湿料感到受欢迎，给他们一个干燥的粗鲁的拥抱。
One last power whisk to get more air in there.
最后一次搅拌，再往里搅进一些空气。
Then we'll pour this stuff inside and this is the only time you will ever hear me say this: DO NOT WANGJANGLE!
然后我们把这些东西倒进去，这是唯一一次你会听到我说：不要搅拌！
We're gonna fold this until it's just combined.
我们要翻拌它，知道它充分混合。
If you over-Wanglify it, it's not going to be as fluffy, but also this loaf is dense as fxxk.
如果你过度搅拌，它就不会那么松软了，但这东西也太稠了。
So, whatever.
所以，随便吧。
Now we'll prepare the loaf pan with cooking spray which we prabably should have already done.
现在我们给烤盘喷点油，这一步我们应该之前就做好的。
If you don't have any cooking spray, just take some unsalted butter.
如果你没有喷雾油壶，直接用无盐黄油就行。
And just smear it on the pan while going...
把它涂在锅上，然后……
Now we'll just pour that inside.
现在我们把原料倒进去。
Oh also go back in time and preheat the Undoh to three fundoh.
哦还有我们得穿越回去先把烤箱开到350度预热。
And we'll throw that inside for 65 to 75 minutes or around 40 Eurpoean minutes.
我们把它放进烤箱待65到75分钟，也就是大概40个欧洲分钟。
See this door?
看到这个门了吗？
Keep it shut for at least 60-65 minutes before you check it.
让它合上至少60-65分钟后再打开检查。
Every time you check it, you increase the cooking time.
你每打开检查一次，烘焙时间就需要延长一些。
Imagine if the door to your room was an entire wall cracking open.
想象一下，如果你房间的门是一整面裂开的墙。
Know what I'm sayin?
明白我的意思吗？
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
嗯，你知道我在说什么。
So now lets clean up.
所以现在让我们来收拾一下。
Or, just put everything in a bag and hide it under the sink.
或者，直接把所有东西都装进袋子里，藏在水槽下面。
Hey, you know what this is?
你知道这是什么吗？
It's a DONENESS THERMOMETER.
这是一个熟度温度计。
When this comes out clean, it's done.
如果拔出来是干净的，那就烤好了。
If it's not clean, it's not done.
如果拔出来不是干净的，那就没烤好。
Done.
好了。
Not done.
没好。
Done.
好了。
Not done.
没好。
Done.
好了。
Not done.
没好。
Over done.
烤过头了。
Not done.
没好。
Even if it's been two hours and your toothpick comes out with "stuff" sticking to it.
如果都已经烤了两小时了，牙签拔出来还是沾着“东西”。
Then guess what?
你猜是怎么回事？
Your Undoh's broken.
你的烤箱坏了。
Done!
好了。
Now, if you serve this as a straight-up "cake loaf" don't forget to sprinkle eggshells around the perimeter so that non-vegans will know it's safe for them to eat.
现在，如果你直接把它作为一个“蛋糕面包”端上桌，不要忘记在周围撒些蛋壳，这样非素食者就会知道他们可以安全食用了。
But since we've got a loaf, let's make sandwiches.
不过，既然面包都做好了，我们来做三明治吧。
Simply cut off a few slices of cake bread, put in some vanilla frosting and blammo!
简单切下几片蛋糕面包，抹上一些香草糖霜，切开！
Cake Sandwich.
蛋糕三明治就做好了。
They're great for tricking fussy kids into eating more cake by telling them it's just "regular dark brown nut bread".
很适合用来哄骗挑剔的孩子说这只是“普通的棕色坚果面包”，以此来哄骗他们吃下更多的蛋糕。
And if you're making this for someone's birthday, don't feel you have to do the cliche, Vertical Candle Thing.
如果你是为别人的生日做的这个，不要想着你只能老套地竖着插蜡烛。
If it's an adult's birthday, it's way more respectful to use adult-sized candles.
如果是一个成年人过生日，用成人大小的蜡烛会更能表示敬意。
Also, you can serve the cake vertically.
另外，你也可以把蛋糕竖起来。
And then as the candles fall and start everything on fire, you give the person who's birthday it is a chance to save the day!
这样等蜡烛掉下来，把东西都点着了，你就给了过生日的人一个拯救世界的机会！
Which is the most fantastic birthday gift of all.
这就是最棒的生日礼物。
Happy Birthday to You!
生日快乐！
