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It's gloomy out, which makes it a good day to make breakup pasta.
外面阴沉沉的，这是做意大利面的大好时机。
Breakup Pasta is a way to end a relationship when you're a giant coward, like me.
分手意面是懦夫结束感情的一种方式，比如我。
The breakup pasta we're going to make today is called Aglio E Olio.
我们今天要做的分手意面叫做Aglio E Olio。
It sounds like a made-up word, but it's actually a real word from a made-up language called Italian.
它听起来像一个自创的词，但它实际上是一个是一种自创语言里的真实单词，那种语言叫做意大利语。
It means oil and garlic.
它的意思是油和大蒜。
So, you're going to need, you know.
所以，你需要准备，你知道的。
So you can start by chopping up a few cloves of garlic.
你可以先切几瓣大蒜。
It's a lot of garlic, but ... I'm not afraid. Are you afraid?
大蒜很多，但是……我不害怕。你害怕吗?
Get your pan at a low medium heat, throw in some olive oil, add in the garlic.
把锅放上，开中低火，倒入橄榄油，放入大蒜。
Just want to cook it for a few minutes -- get it nice and soft and golden, not brown and crispy.
只需要煎几分钟——让它变成松软金黄的状态，而不是又焦又脆的那种。
Go ahead and add in some chili flakes.
继续，加入一些辣椒碎。
I'm taking a wild guess here.
我这里撒得有点多。
Let's get that pasta cooking.
我们来煮意大利面。
Ow, that's hot!
嗷，好烫！
Not even sure what I'm using here to stir this.
我都不知道我用的这是什么在搅拌。
There's a really simple way to cook pasta perfectly every time.
有一个非常简单的方法让你每次都能煮出完美的意大利面。
You don't need to test it by flinging it against the wall, hitting it with a hammer, slam it in a door.
你不需要通过把它扔到墙上，用锤子砸它，或者用门夹它来测试。
You don't need to to measure its elasticity, or ask a crystal ball if it's ready, or see if it can lift a 25 pound weight.
你不需要测试它的弹性，或者问水晶球是否煮好了，或者看看它是否能举起25磅的重量。
You certainly don't need to wangjangle it.
你当然不需要搅拌它。
You only need to do one simple thing: follow the instructions.
你只需要做一件简单的事：遵循烹饪建议。
The engineers at the pasta factory tested it out at least two or three times to find the perfect boiling time, so you know, try to have a little respect.
意大利面厂的工程师们至少测试了两三次来确定最适宜的烹煮时间，所以你懂的，尊重一下人家的努力。
I'm going to stop right about there.
我就煎成这样关火吧。
The oil and garlic go into the pot with the drained pasta.
把油和大蒜倒进装有沥干的意大利面的锅里。
And we're going to mix that around.
好好搅拌混合。
Now you're just going to put some on the plate, grate some parmesan, add a couple flakes on so it looks better, a touch of pepper pepper pepper.
现在你要夹一些放在盘子上，磨一些帕尔马干酪碎，撒一点辣椒碎，让它看起来像那么回事，加一点胡椒粉。
And we're almost ready for the big event.
这样我们基本就已经准备好迎接那个重要时刻了。
Set the plate aside and write down the thing you're too afraid to say.
把盘子放在一边，写下你不敢说出口的话。
Fold up the paper then hide it inside the pasta.
把纸折起来，然后把它藏在面里。
Now you're ready.
现在你就准备好了。
I can't afford the amount of paper it would take to list all of your shortcomings, so instead, I'll just say goodbye, peace.
要列出你所有的缺点需要太多纸了，我买不起，所以，我就直接说再见吧，和平。
Are you breaking up with me?
你要和我分手？
Yes.
对。
Oh, well, thank you for the delicious pasta.
哦，好吧，谢谢你做的美味意面。
You're welcome. Bye.
不客气。再见。
Bye.
再见。
