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Hello. My name is Pimblokto.
你好。我的名字是Pimblokto。
Today we are going to make pizza.
今天我们来做披萨。
Pizza is great to share with your family and friends.
披萨是一种很适合与家人朋友一起分享的食物。
The basis of every good pizza is the dough.
面团是做好披萨的基础。
Take a mixing bowl.
拿一个搅拌碗。
Add in two cups of all-purpose flour.
加入两杯万能面粉。
It doesn't have to be perfect.
不用非得那么完美。
Add in one packet of pizza yeast.
加入一包披萨酵母。
This will help the dough rise.
它能帮助面团发酵。
Add in three-quarters of a cup of very warm water.
加入四分之三杯非常温暖的水。
Use your magnetospheroscope to open your oil bottle.
用你的磁力打开油瓶。
Pour in three tablespoons of oil.
倒入三汤匙油。
God damn it.
该死。
Good job everybody.
做得很好，各位。
Add in 1.5 teaspoons of sugar.
加入一勺半的糖。
Add in three-quarters of a teaspoon of salt.
再加入四分之一茶匙的盐。
Take your wangjangler and wangjangle those ingredients.
拿出你的搅拌棒搅拌这些食材。
Continue wangjangling until it is a very smooth ball of delicious pizza dough.
继续搅拌，直到它变成光滑的、美味的披萨面团。
Spread the dough on your counter and grab your rolling pin.
把面团放到台面上，拿出你的擀面杖。
Roll the dough until it is as thin as you want your pizza crust.
擀面团，你想要多薄的披萨饼皮就擀到多薄。
You can also pick up the dough and toss it around as if you work in a pizzeria.
如果你在披萨店工作的话你可以把面团拿起来扔来扔去。
Look at me. I'm Italian.
快看。我是意大利人。
Roll the dough...
擀面团……
Pimblokto!
Pimblokto!
Oh, hello.
哦，嗨。
What are you doing Pimblokto?
你在干啥Pimblokto？
Today I am making pizza.
今天我要做披萨。
No, you're not making pizza.
不，你不是在做披萨。
What did I tell you last time?
我上次跟你说什么来着？
I don't remember.
忘了。
No, you do remember, you're a robot, and you have a record of everything you've ever experienced.
不，你记得，你是个机器人，你的所有经历都是有记录的。
Oh. You told me not to cook.
噢。你叫我不要再做东西了。
And why did I tell you not to cook?
你知道为什么我叫你不要做东西吗？
You said that I make a mess, and that I do not clean up that mess.
你说我总是搞的一团糟，而且不收拾。
Pimblokto, you are a very bad robot and you deserve a spanking.
Pimblokto，你是一个坏机器人，你应该被打屁股。
You deserve a very, very hard spanking.
你应该被很大力地打屁股。
Okay, okay. That's enough.
好了好了。行了。
So why are you doing it again?
那你为什么又这么做？
I just want to make pizza.
我只是想做披萨。
You know Pimblokto, I've opened my home to you.
Pimblokto，你也知道，我对你敞开家门。
I give you unlimited free electricity.
为你提供无限量免费的电。
And you can't do the one thing I ask you not to do.
但我就要求你这一件事你都做不到。
I didn't mean it.
我不是故意的。
You didn't mean it?
你不是故意的？
Like you didn't mean the grilled cheese sandwich?
就像你不是故意做的烤奶酪三明治？
Like you didn't mean the chocolate peanut butter balls?
就像你不是故意做的巧克力花生酱球？
Like you didn't mean the cereal?
还有不是故意做的麦片？
Like you didn't mean the craft supplies all over the place?
还有不是故意扔得满地都是的手工制品？
I apologize.
我很抱歉。
Look, this isn't working out.
听着，这样下去真的不行。
But I just wanted to make pizza.
但我只是想做披萨。
You're going to have to find a new place to live, Pimblokto.
你要找个新的地方住了，Pimblokto。
I was making the pizza for you.
我在给你做披萨。
Just go Pimblokto.
走吧，Pimblokto。
I only wanted to...
我只是想……
Please just go.
拜托你走吧。
So this does not even comply with the carb bylaws these days, so you're not going to need that.
这根本就不符合如今的碳水规定，所以你不需要用它。
Here, grab a pan, some parchment paper, and just use a tortilla shell.
这样，拿出一个烤盘，一些烘培用纸，以及我们只用薄饼皮。
Because honestly, I'm too much of a lazy fxxk to actually make dough.
老实说，我太懒了，根本不想做面团。
And this is probably going to be like, one millionth of the calories of actual pizza dough.
而且这东西的卡路里可能是正常披萨面团的百万分之一。
So you'll lose a ton of weight by eating this pizza.
所以你吃了这个披萨会减肥好几吨.
Take your pizza sauce.
挤一点披萨酱.
The best thing about using a tortilla shell is you get all pizza, no crust.
薄饼皮的最大好处是没有饼边。
Gonna take some cheese and shred it on there.
拿出芝士，往上面擦点丝。
Spread it around evenly.
均匀地铺开。
Sometime it helps if you say something like mamma mia or that's a spicy pizza.
或许说点类似“妈妈咪呀”的咒语会有帮助，或者说“这是个辣披萨”也行。
It will sort of help your technique out a bit.
它可以帮助提升你的技能。
Opa perhaps?
或者说“唔怕”？
Um, I think that's Greek.
嗯，这应该是希腊语。
It's okay. Greeks know how to cook too.
没事。希腊人也会做饭。
One of my favorite simple combos, the green pepper.
这是我最喜欢的配料，绿青椒。
People look down on them because they're cheap, and 'cause they're green.
人们看不起它，因为它便宜，还是绿色的。
You're so underrated, but I love you.
你总是被看轻，但是我喜欢你。
And a hot banana pepper.
还有一些黄椒。
Gives it a little spice, and a lot of flavor.
加一点香料，增加风味。
Onions on 350.
烤箱350华氏度。
Can I just take a second to appreciate what an amazing invention the onion is?
我能花点时间赞美一下烤箱是多伟大的发明吗？
I mean, it's reliable, it does exactly what you tell it to.
我想说，它很可靠，你说什么它做什么。
You put it on 350, it stays on 350.
你开到350度，它就保持350度。
It doesn't come into the kitchen and make a mess.
它不会到厨房里来搞得一团糟。
Doesn't do anything that you don't tell it to do.
不会做任何你没有叫它做的事。
I really think this must be my favorite machine of all time.
我真的觉得这是我一直以来最喜欢的机器了。
I really think this machine must be, like, the one that means the most to me.
我觉得这台机器对我来说最重要的机器。
Kinda like the one I feel the closest to, the one that I hope is there, always until my death.
我觉得和它最亲近，我希望它可以陪伴我一直到我死去。
The only one I'd really miss if it ever walked out of my life.
如果有一天它要走出我的生活，他就是我唯一想念的机器。
We've been through so much together.
我们在一起经历了太多事。
It's helped me make so much food.
它帮我做了那么多食物。
Nourished me.
滋养着我。
It's loved me back. I can feel that.
它也爱我。我能感受到。
And I just don't know what I would ever do without it.
我真的不知道我没了它要怎么办。
I love you onion.
我爱你烤箱。
I should scrape that off you one day.
我得找个时间把这东西刮掉。
Probably.
应该会吧。
Make pizza number 2.
现在来做2号披萨.
This time, we're going to use pesto.
这次，我们要用青酱。
Just shred some more cheese on there.
再多擦点芝士上去。
Black olives, cherry tomatoes.
黑橄榄，樱桃番茄。
Basically a Rembrandt or is it a Cezanne?
基本上来看，这配色是伦勃朗，还是塞尚呢？
Who's the impressionist that painted pizza?
是哪个印象派画家画出了披萨？
A lot.
很多。
Always use a glove when you're handling a hot pan, unless you move your hand faster than the speed of heat.
端热烤盘的时候一定要戴手套，除非你的手速比热量传导速度更快。
Here we go.
好了。
I don't have a pizza cutter so I just take the things from the olive can.
我没有披萨刀，所以我从橄榄罐头上拿了这个东西。
Pretty efficient. Just roll that through.
很有效。划过去就行了。
Ouch.
嗷。
Just use a knife, I guess.
我觉得还是用刀吧。
Green pepper. Banana pepper. Pepper pepper pizza. So good.
青椒黄椒胡椒披萨。好吃。
And we got our pesto.
香蒜披萨也好了。
Oh my god.
天呐。
And look! No crust.
看！没有饼边。
Ah! Hot! Ah!
啊！好烫！啊！
It tastes a little better when it's not at lava temperature.
不这么烫的时候，吃起来应该会更好吃。
But yeah, that's some delicious pizza.
但，没错，这是很好吃的披萨。
Oh, I made one more pizza.
噢，我还做了一个披萨。
It's what I call the crust lover's pizza.
我把它叫做饼边爱好者披萨。
I mean what people who love pizza crust more than the actual pizza themselves are saying, essentially is that they want blandness.
意思就是，那些喜欢饼边胜过喜欢披萨本身的人，他们实际上就是喜欢寡淡无味的东西。
They're people who haven't learned to love themself yet Essentially.
这些人根本还不知道怎么去爱自己。
It's not our place to look down on them.
轮不到我们看不起他们。
It's not our place to judge them.
我们没资格评判他们
All you can do is keep going here, try this part of the pizza with flavor for a change, and then hope they come around.
你能做的是继续下去，尝尝饼边，就当是换个口味，希望他们能有所转变。
Try to accept them for who they are.
试着去接受他们本来的样子。
And we can all get along.
我们可以好好相处的。
This is a message.
这传达了一条信息。
We can all get along.
我们可以好好相处的。
