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When you're in college getting a balanced meal is tough.
当你在上大学的时候，均衡膳食是很困难的。
But with modified macaroni it's easy.
但是有了改良版通心粉，一切就很简单了。
You only need two things: macaroni and cheese, and a bunch of other stuff.
你只需要两样东西：通心粉奶酪，还有一堆其它东西。
When you cook the noodles be sure to pour them over some limes to infuse them with vitamin C to help prevent scurvy.
煮面条的时候，一定要把面条倒在一些酸橙上，加入维生素C，有助于预防坏血病。
Now run to the store and buy an iPad so you can time the pasta to cook it to perfection.
现在快去商店买个iPad，这样你就可以控制煮面的时间，把意大利面做完美。
Or craft up a little sun dial.
或者做个日晷。
Then yeah, just wait for the shadow to get to 7 or 8 minutes.
然后，等影子到达7到8分钟的位置。
Or spin a top with just the right amount of torque.
或者以正好合适的扭矩旋转陀螺。
So that it will fall over right when your pasta is done.
这样当意大利面做好的时候它就会停下来。
That's pepper pepper pepperoni and cheese.
这就是胡椒胡椒胡椒罗尼奶酪。
From there, if you just add in a touch of hot sauce you get spicy/not spicy, just a little bit enticaroni and cheese.
在这一步，如果你只加一点辣酱，你就会得到辣的或不辣的，香辣罗尼和奶酪。
This pairs really nicely with warm morning after keg beer.
这和暖暖的早晨啤酒搭配起来很不错。
Take some fresh basil, put some tomato sauce in the bottom and bathe your macaroni and cheese inside of that.
取一些新鲜的罗勒，在底部放一些番茄酱，把通心粉和奶酪浸在里面。
Sprinkle your fresh basil over top of that.
在上面撒上新鲜的罗勒。
That's basiloni and tease.
这就是罗勒罗尼和挑逗。
Basically a modern Italian masterpiece.
简直就是现代意大利杰作
This pairs really nicely with Vodka and Gatorade.
这和伏特加和佳得乐很配。
Let's take a little bit of macaroni add in a bit of pesto.
我们拿一点通心粉，加入一点香蒜沙司。
It's called Pestoloni, Yes Please.
这叫香蒜罗尼，是的，请。
You can take some broccoli, chop that up.
你可以拿一些西兰花，切碎。
Steam that for a few minutes to get broccoloni and cheese.
蒸几分钟，就可以得到西兰花罗尼奶酪了。
This pairs incredibly well with being a staunch vegetarian for three weeks until you drunkenly order a drive-through chicken sandwich.
这极其适合那种素食者，就是那种做了三周坚定素食者后，某天喝得酩酊大醉点了一份得来速鸡肉三明治。
Another one you can do is take some Indian curry paste and chickpeas.
另一种你可以做的是用一些印度咖喱酱和鹰嘴豆。
This is super authentic Indian macaroni and peas.
这是超级正宗的印度通心粉豌豆。
This pairs wonderfully with regretting not taking a gap year.
这与后悔没有在间隔年休学是绝配。
If you take some macaroni, put in a dash of whole grain mustard and ham.
如果在通心粉中放一点全麦芥末和火腿。
This is basically ham and cheese sandwich with macaroni instead of bread.
那这基本上是火腿奶酪三明治，只不过用通心粉替代了面包。
Also known as the ham sandamoni and cheesewich or hamaroni and chustard.
也被称为火腿三罗尼和奶酪治或火腿罗尼和奶酪芥末。
This pairs nicely with bragging about how much you drank last night.
这和你吹牛昨晚喝了多少的时刻很配。
For this one you take macaroni and some kind of tequila drink, it's called the Spring Break.
做这一款，你需要一些通心粉和龙舌兰酒，这款叫春假。
Okay, let's go.
好的，我们开始做吧。
Shallot, chop, chop, chop.
葱，切，切，切。
Roasted red pepper, chop, chop, chop.
烤红辣椒，切，切，切。
Olive oil, you're not special.
橄榄油，你并不特别。
Be careful not to move your spatula too fast because the extra friction might burn it.
小心移动到的时候不要太快，因为过多的摩擦可能会烧毁它。
Do you think it's a coincidence that the word sauté rhymes with all day? I do.
你觉得“嫩煎”和“整天”这两个词押韵是个巧合吗？我觉得是。
Mix that in. That's shallomoni and peppreese.
混合。这就是葱罗尼和辣奶酪。
We're gonna be honest here.
我们得诚实一点。
Honestly it's so good.
老实说，很好吃。
Let's go find out what Katie thinks just to make sure.
我们去看看凯蒂觉得怎么样，确定一下。
Katie? Scale of 1-10, just tell me.
凯蒂？1到10分，告诉我几分。
I'll take that as a ten, thank you.
我就当是10分了，谢谢你。
If you don't feel like cleaning this up just give one bite of what you're making to your roommate and then they're obligated to clean it up for you.
如果你不想清理这些东西，就给你的室友吃一口你做的东西，然后他们有义务帮你清理。
Then we'll take some garlic, just drop it, and it will chop itself.
然后我们拿一些大蒜，让它下落，它会自己切碎。
Magic!
魔法！
Take up a sundried tomatoes and... magic!
拿起一个晒干的西红柿，然后…魔法！
Get, you know, at least three quarters of a sizzle, for shizzle happening.
你知道，至少需要四分之三的嘶嘶声才能制造出“屎”。
Basically get 2.3 metric fucktons of spinach in there.
基本上就是需要2.3公吨的菠菜。
What am I, David Copperfield? Remember how big that was?
我算什么，大卫·科波菲尔？还记得它有多大吗?
And we're not going to be afraid to overwhelm that macaroni.
我们不需要害怕这会压过通心粉。
Rules are for suckers!
规则是给笨蛋的！
You know, I never thought I'd be the kind of person that would be happy about a food color combo.
我从没想过我会是那种喜欢搭配食物颜色的人。
I always thought that was shallow, but...
我一直觉得这很肤浅，但是…
Look at that, that's stomach art!
快看，这是胃的艺术！
I'm pretty sure this is really good when nothing is burnt.
我敢肯定，如果没有烧焦，肯定很好吃。
I encourage you to try this.
我鼓励你们尝试一下。
This one is obviously called: the garlic spinach and sundried tomatoes mixed with macaroni and cheese until it all tastes delicious and then you eat it...so good why didn't I think of this a long time ago and will I ever be able to eat macaroni and cheese again without this awewome stuff inside it I doubt it except that it's a lot of work so I'll probably just think about it next time then won't actually go to all the trouble unless I'm trying to impress someone but maybe I should start trying to impress myself for a chance and see where that gets me in life I'm ordering thai.
这道菜的名字很明显:大蒜、菠菜、番茄干、通心粉和奶酪混合在一起，直到味道美味，然后你就可以吃了……这么好吃为什么我以前没想到，我能再吃通心粉和奶酪吗，没有这么棒的东西在里面，我可能不会吃了，做这个太费劲了所以我可能只是想想，下次不会再搞这么麻烦了，除非我想给谁留下好印象，但也许我应该开始尝试给自己留个好印象，看看这会给我的生活带来什么，我要点泰国菜。
This pairs nicely with your mom.
这个和你妈妈很相配。
Finally, heat up a pan with a little bit of oil, but maybe you don't need 'cuz we're gonna cook steak!
最后，加少许油，热锅，但也可以不用，因为我们要做牛排!
And it's got oil in it, so, I don't know.
里面有油，反正，我也不知道。
Check the time. Oh, ho ho!
看看时间。噢噢噢！
Obviously we're doing something right.
显然我们做的是对的。
Tell me you don't feel lucky when you see that even if you don't believe in anything.
告诉我当你看到这一切时你会不会感到幸运即使你什么都不相信。
Take your macaroni-caked implement, and flip your bloody steak.
拿着你的通心粉蛋糕工具，把这血乎乎的牛排翻过来。
Beautifully-- Ow! Fxxk.
漂亮——噢！糟糕。
Beautifully cooked steak.
牛排煎得很漂亮。
And then, place one noodle on top.
然后，在上面放一根面条。
And that's called the, Do You Even Liftaroni and Beef?
这道菜叫做举起罗尼牛肉。
This pairs nicely with a straight shot of protein powder, no liquid.
这和蛋白质粉很配，不加液体。
And finally, for this last one you take some macaroni and put on some macaroni.
终于，最后一种，在一些通心粉上放一些通心粉。
That's known as Macception.
这就叫通心粉王。
Oh no, it was a dream the whole time.
哦不，这一直是个梦。
