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Hey, psychgo family, before we begin we'd like to give a big thank you for all the support that you've given us.
嘿，大家好，节目开始前，我们要对你们给予我们的支持表示衷心的感谢。
Our mission is to make psychology and mental health more accessible to everyone.
我们的使命是让每个人都更容易获得有关心理学和心理健康的信息。
Let's continue.
我们继续吧。
Have you ever wondered if you might be in a controlling relationship?
你是否想过自己处于一种控制关系中？
Are you worried if you or your partner is too controlling over the other?
如果你或你的伴侣过于控制对方，你会担心吗？
No relationship is perfect.
没有完美的关系。
Relationships have highs and lows and you're allowed to have disagreements,
人际关系有高潮和低谷，你可以抱有分歧，
but there are some relationships that are too toxic and unhealthy to stay in.
但有些关系是有毒害，保持这种关系是不健康的。
Having a controlling relationship with a partner is a form of emotional abuse and it can have far-reaching effects on your life.
与伴侣保持控制关系是一种情感虐待，它会对你的生活产生深远的影响。
With that said here are 8 things controlling partners do.
说过这些后，我们来看下控制性伴侣做的8件事。
1. They guilt you.
1、他们让你内疚。
Does your partner use guilt to coerce you into doing what they want?
你的伴侣是不是用内疚来强迫你做他们想让你做的事？
They blame you for small things that have very little consequence.
他们会因为一些无关紧要的小事责怪你。
Utilizing guilt is a common form of emotional manipulation.
利用内疚感是情绪操纵的一种常见形式。
It can make you believe that their controlling behavior is due to something you did.
它可以让你相信他们的控制行为是因为你做了什么事。
For example, they may shame you merely for speaking to another co-worker or a friend or spending extra time at work rather than with them.
例如，他们可能仅因为你和另一个同事或朋友说话，或是在工作上花费额外的时间而没有陪他们而让你感到羞愧。
2. They want to isolate you.
2、他们想孤立你。
Does your partner frequently complain about your loved ones or try to turn you against them?
你的伴侣是否经常对你所爱的人抱怨不停或试图让你与他们不和？
Isolation is another tactic used for gaining control and power in this type of unhealthy relationship.
在这种不健康的关系中，孤立是另一种获得控制权和权力的策略。
According to psychologist Andrea Bonoir from Psychology Today, it's common for this attempted isolation to begin more subtly,
根据《今日心理学》的心理学家安德里亚·博诺伊尔的说法，这种尝试性的隔离开始时比较微妙，
but then pick up an intensity as time goes on with more abject comments and criticisms of your loved ones.
但随着时间的推移，往往对你所爱之人的批评会变得越来越刻薄。
3. They frequently criticize you.
3、他们经常批评你。
When someone criticizes you, do you notice your confidence break just a little even if it's short-lived?
有人批评你时，你是否注意到自信心会有所动摇，即使这只是短暂性的？
Criticism is powerful because it takes a hit on your self-esteem.
这种批评的强度非常大，因为它会打击你的自尊。
Over time, frequent unnecessary criticism from your partner can make you feel worthless or like a failure.
久而久之，伴侣经常做出的不必要的批评会让你觉得自己一文不值或者像个失败者。
Keep in mind that these criticisms don't always have to be necessarily deep.
记住，这些批评并不一定要多深刻。
It can be as superficial as your appearance, the shows you enjoy watching or your hobbies.
它可以是关于你的外表，你喜欢的节目或你的爱好等很表面的事情。
They frequently take little jabs at you in order to tear you down and force you to become the person they want you to be.
他们经常嘲笑你，以压垮你，迫使你成为他们想要的人。
Or they're superficially charming.
或者他们表面上很迷人。
Why are controlling relationships so hard to recognize and so hard to leave?
为什么控制关系如此难以识别和脱离呢？
It's because controlling partners know how to charm you.
因为控制性伴侣知道如何吸引你。
It's another tactical form of manipulation that disguises itself easily as love care and affection, to lure you in and keep you close.
这是另一种策略性的操纵形式，它很容易伪装成爱、关心和情感，来引诱你，让你亲近。
For example, the controlling partner might periodically buy you fancy gifts,
例如，控制性伴侣可能会定期地给你买精美的礼物，
shower you with attention or exude a zealous amount of passion into the relationship.
向你倾注注意力，或在恋爱关系中流露出热情。
5. There are cycles in the relationship.
5、关系中有循环。
Are cyclical periods of ups and downs in your relationship?
你们的关系中有起伏的周期吗？
After an abusive incident, there is something that happens called the honeymoon period, where things seem promising.
在虐待事件之后，会发生一种叫做蜜月期的情况，让事情看起来充满希望。
This honeymoon period can come with big apologies gifts and attention.
在蜜月期中可能伴有大量的道歉、礼物和关注。
It's important to remember to take a step back and see all the gestures for what they really are.
重要的是要记住退后一步，看看所有这些事情真正的意图是什么。
A phase in the cycle of control.
控制循环中的一个阶段。
The controlling partner rotates between these phases in order to soften the impact of each abusive event.
控制性伴侣在这两个阶段之间转换，以减轻每次虐待事件的影响。
Distract you from it and get you back into their good graces.
分散你的注意力，让你重新得到他们的青睐。
6. They threaten you.
6、他们威胁你。
Does your partner threaten you with violence or ultimatums?
你的伴侣用暴力或最后通牒威胁你吗？
According to psychologist Andrea Bonwar,
心理学家安德里亚·邦瓦尔认为，
the overarching purpose of making threats is for the controlling partner to pressure you to comply with them.
威胁的首要目的是让控制性伙伴向你施压，迫使你服从他们。
The use of beer is the ultimate tool for control.
使用啤酒是控制的终极工具。
These threats can range from I'll break up with you if you talk to him again to if you leave me I'll hurt myself.
威胁方式包括告诉你，如果你再和那个人说话，我就和你分手，或是如果你离开我，我就伤害自己。
7. Their love has conditions.
7、他们的爱附带条件。
Often times a controlling partner will increase the intensity of their love based on things like compliance or material accomplishments.
通常情况下，控制性伴侣会基于顺从或物质成就等因素来增加他们爱的强度。
Your partner might say you'd be hot only if you spent time on your hair in order to place a certain value on their love for you.
你的伴侣可能会说，只有你花时间弄头发，才能让他们对你的爱富有某种价值。
And 8. they try to brainwash you.
8、他们想给你洗脑。
Your values ideas and beliefs shape so much of who you are and give you a strong sense of individuality.
你的价值观、想法和信仰塑造了你的个性。
However, in a controlling relationship, the controlling partner will try to undermine or discredit your beliefs in order to impose theirs on you.
然而，在控制性关系中，控制性伴侣会试图破坏或诋毁你的信仰，以便将他们的想法强加给你。
They might make you feel like your beliefs are wrong or faulty, causing doubt and ill-confidence, making you less sure of who you are.
他们可能会让你觉得你的信仰是错误的，产生怀疑，并对自己产生不自信的感觉，使你不太确定自己是谁。
Lowering your self-esteem is a way for them to come in and force their own values and beliefs onto you.
降低你的自尊心是一种让他们把他们的价值观和信仰强加给你的方式。
Do you recognize any of these signs in your relationship?
你察觉出你们关系中有这些迹象吗？
Let us know in the comments below if you think you need help.
如果你认为需要帮助，请在下面的评论中告诉我们。
Please don't hesitate to reach out to someone you can trust.
请不要犹豫，向你可以信任的人伸出援手。
If you found this video helpful give us, a thumbs up and share it with someone who might benefit from it too.
如果你觉得本视频有帮助，请给我们点赞，并与可能从中受益的人分享。
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记得订阅并点击通知图标以获取更多节目内容。
The references and studies used are added in the description below.
使用过的参考文献和研究添加在下面的描述中。
Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.
谢谢收看，下次再见。
