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童年如何影响你的爱情风格

来源:可可英语 编辑:sara   可可英语APP下载 |  可可官方微信:ikekenet

Hi, there psychgo family.

嗨,大家好。

Welcome back to another psychgo video.

欢迎收看新一期的节目。

Before we start this video, we want to thank you for all the love and support you've given us.

在视频开始前,我们要感谢你们给予的爱和支持。

Our mission is to make psychology and self-help videos more accessible to everyone.

我们的任务是让每个人都能更容易地获取有关心理学和自助的视频。

With that being said, let's continue.

好了,我们继续吧。

Our childhood experiences make up the foundation of who we are, our attitudes and our beliefs.

我们童年的经历构成了我们是谁、我们的态度和信仰的基础。

One of the most profound ways our childhood can impact our lives is through our love styles.

童年对我们生活影响最深刻的方式之一,就是通过我们的爱情方式。

A person's love style is defined as a specific pattern of behavior related to how they receive and express love.

一个人的爱情风格被定义为,一种与他们如何接受和表达爱有关的行为模式。

And it is largely modeled after a relationship with our parents.

它很大程度上是模仿我们与父母的关系。

According to researchers, there are five different love styles,

根据研究人员的研究,有五种不同爱的方式,

the controller, the pleaser, the facilitator, the avoider and the victim.

控制者、取悦者、引导者、逃避者和受害者。

So, here are six ways our parents affect our love styles.

以下是六种父母影响我们爱的方式。

One, the attention they give us.

第一,他们给予我们的关注。

It's no secret that having parents who constantly fail to give us the attention we need

众所周知,父母总是不能给予我们所需要的关注,

can leave a lot of damaging effects on a person's self-esteem.

会对一个人的自尊造成很大的损害。

Whether it's because your parents walked out on you separated or prioritized their careers over their families,

不管是因为你的父母离开了你,还是因为他们把事业放在家庭之上,

it made you feel like no one was really there for you growing up.

这都让你觉得没有人真正支持你成长。

This forced you to mature too early and learn to take care of yourself at a young age.

这迫使你过早成熟,在幼年时学会照顾自己。

And as a result, it left you with an overwhelming fear of helplessness

结果,它给你留下一种无法抗拒的恐惧,

that drives your need to be in control of everything all the time, including your relationships.

这种恐惧驱使你需要时刻掌控一切,包括你的人际关系。

Known as the controller, people who adopt this particular love style are often assertive, rigid and headstrong.

采用这种特殊爱情方式的人被称为控制者,他们通常自信、固执又任性。

Their parents lack of attention has made it difficult for them to rely on others, ask for help and relinquish their control.

父母对他们缺乏关注,使他们难以依靠他人,寻求帮助和放弃控制。

Two, the freedom they allow us.

第二,他们给我们的自由。

According to Eric Erickson's famous psychosocial theory of development, when our parents act too controlling and overprotective of us,

根据埃里克•埃里克森著名的心理社会发展理论,当父母对我们太过控制和过度保护时,

it cultivates feelings of shame, self-doubt and helplessness that many of us will struggle to overcome, even as you grow older.

就会让我们培养出羞耻感、自我怀疑感和无助感,即使成年后,许多人也会努力克服这些情绪。

So when your parents are too strict with your freedom and don't give much of a say in your life,

因此,当父母过于限制你的自由,让你对生活没有太多发言权,

it can lead you to become too compliant and passive in your relationships.

会导致你在人际关系中变得过于顺从和被动。

And while many people will no doubt appreciate this kind of agreeableness at first,

虽然许多人一开始肯定欣赏这种和蔼可亲的态度,

over time they may grow frustrated with your lack of decisiveness, autonomy and initiative that makes partners feel

但随着时间的推移,他们可能会对你缺乏决断力、自主性和主动性感到沮丧,这会让你的伴侣觉得

as if you are not exerting as much effort into making the relationship work as they are.

你没有像他们那样努力使这段关系正常运转。

Three, their praise and approval.

三是他们的赞扬和赞许。

Were your parents overly critical with you and hard to please?

你父母是不是对你过分挑剔,难以取悦?

Did you get the sense that they only loved you when you succeeded and were angry with you when you failed.

你有没有感觉到,他们只在你成功的时候爱你,而在你失败时却生你的气。

Children who are pressured into meeting their parents expectations just to have their emotional needs met tend to develop a compulsive need to please other people as well.

为了满足他们的情感需求而被迫满足父母期望的孩子们,往往也会产生一种强迫性的需要来取悦他人。

A love style known fittingly enough as the pleaser.

一种被称为讨人喜欢的恋爱方式。

Those who tried hard to win their parents approval

那些在年幼时努力争取父母认可的人,

when they were younger usually end up with a neurotic need for praise and validation.

最终往往会因为需要表扬和认可而变得神经质。

They are likely to turn into pushovers who have trouble saying no, always put other people first and avoid conflict, even at their own expense.

他们很可能会变成难以拒绝、总把别人放在第一位、避免冲突的易受摆布的人,他们甚至不惜牺牲自己的利益。

They have a fear of letting people down and tend to struggle with feelings of insect and inadequacy.

他们害怕让人失望,并倾向于与卑劣和不足的感觉作斗争。

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Four, their consistency and dependability.

第四,他们的一致性和可靠性。

Do you often feel alone and misunderstood by those around you?

你是否经常感到孤独和被周围的人误解?

Do you yearn for emotional connection only to be let down by the people you love.

你是否渴望感情上的联结,而你爱的人却让你失望了。

This is what happens when you grow up with unpredictable parents.

这就是当你在善变的父母身边长大时,会发生的事情。

They're unstable unreliable and inconsistent with their care and affection.

在关心和感情方面不稳定、不可靠、反复无常。

They say they love you and that they would be there for you, but they've just broken one promise too many for you to ever really trust them again.

他们说爱你,会在你身边,但却违背承诺,使你再也不会真正信任他们。

And because your emotional needs are never consistently met,

而且因为你的情感需求从来没有得到持续的满足,

it left you with deep-seated feelings of abandonment that make you sensitive to rejection.

这让你有一种根深蒂固的被抛弃的感觉,让你对拒绝很敏感。

You may have a love style called the facilitator.

你可能拥有一种被称为引导者的爱的风格。

The facilitator is romantic and idealistic, but often to a fault.

引导者耽于幻想、充满理想主义,但往往是错误的。

They have difficulty maintaining intimate relationships because they tend to idealize the people they love

他们很难维持亲密关系,因为他们倾向于理想化所爱的人,

and hold them to incredibly high standards.

并要求他们达到难以置信的高标准。

They ask too much from their partners and don't give them any room for mistakes.

他们对伴侣要求太高,不给他们任何犯错的余地。

Because they learn from a young age how painful it is to be let down by the people you love.

因为他们从小就知道,所爱之人让自己失望是多么痛苦。

Five, their attitude towards emotions.

第五,他们对待情绪的态度。

Next is the avoider.

接下来是回避者。

A love style characterized by inhibited emotions, a strong need for independence and a fear of intimacy.

一种以抑制情绪、强烈的独立需求和对亲密关系的恐惧为特征的恋爱方式。

People who adopt this love style most likely had parents who neglected their emotional needs

采用这种爱的方式的人,其父母很可能忽视了他们的情感需求,

and discouraged the expression of their feelings.

不鼓励他们表达自己的感情。

Whether it was because they didn't know how to deal with them or wrongly believe that repressing your emotions would make them go away,

不管是因为他们不知道如何处理,还是错误地认为压抑情绪会让其消失,

your parents raised you to believe that being too emotional was a sign of weakness.

父母让你相信情绪太激动是软弱的表现。

And that it's wrong for you to need people and seek comfort from them.

你需要别人并从他们那里寻求安慰是不对的。

As such, you became more self-serious, detached from your feelings and struggled to open up.

因此,你变得更加严肃,脱离了感情,很难敞开心扉。

Even to the person you love the most in the world.

即使是对你最爱的人。

Six, adverse childhood experiences.

第六,不良的童年经历。

Finally but perhaps most importantly, experiencing a traumatic event at a young age, especially by the hands of your own parents,

最后,但也许最重要的是,幼年时经历创伤事件,尤其父母造成的,

can significantly affect the way you view and approach your adult relationships.

会显著影响你看待和处理成人关系的方式。

The victim love style is the result of growing up in a chaotic home environment or living with an angry or violent parent.

受害者的爱情风格,是在混乱的家庭环境中长大或与愤怒或暴力的父母生活在一起的结果。

These negative early experiences have made you hesitant to trust, and even more hesitant to love.

这些负面的早期经历让你很难信任他人,对爱情更是犹豫不决。

You may struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, because of how you were treated.

父母的对待方式,可能会让你与焦虑、抑郁和自卑感作斗争。

Meek, docile and emotionally damaged, people like this are just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop,

温顺、听话、情感受损,像这样的人只是不断地消极等待,

because pain and confusion are all they've ever known.

因为痛苦和困惑是他们所熟知的。

Do any of these points describe your parents?

以上几点中有对你父母的描述吗?

Which love style do you relate to the most?

你最喜欢哪种类型的爱?

Let us know in the comments below.

请在下面的评论中告诉我们。

If you find this video insightful, remember to like and share this video with those who might benefit from it.

如果你觉得这段视频很有见地,记得点赞并与那些可能从中受益的人分享。

Don't forget to subscribe to psychgo for more videos.

记得订阅我们的节目,获取更多视频。

Thanks for watching.

感谢收看。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
mature [mə'tjuə]

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adj. 成熟的,(保单)到期的,考虑周到的

 
compliant [kəm'plaiənt]

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adj. 服从的,顺从的

联想记忆
negative ['negətiv]

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adj. 否定的,负的,消极的
n. 底片,负

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unstable ['ʌn'steibl]

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adj. 不稳定的,易变的

 
accessible [æk'sesəbl]

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adj. 可得到的,易接近的,可进入的

联想记忆
inhibited [in'hibitid]

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adj. 羞怯的,内向的 动词inhibit的过去式和过

 
appreciate [ə'pri:ʃieit]

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vt. 欣赏,感激,赏识
vt. 领会,充分意

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docile ['dəusail]

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adj. 容易教的,温顺的

联想记忆
intimacy ['intiməsi]

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n. 亲密,隐私

联想记忆
consistency [kən'sistənsi]

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n. 坚持,一致性,强度,硬度,浓稠度

 

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