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Live from the Haywood Theater, it's Tim Williamson. It's only February. And it's so cold. February 2020 might be the longest month ever!
来自海伍德剧院的现场直播，演讲者蒂姆·威廉森，刚刚二月份，太冷了，或许2020年的二月份是最长的月份。
Am I right? I don't do cold. I'm like...Right now, I want to hug as many people as I possibly can to keep the body warm.
我说的对吗？我忍受不了寒冷，现在我想去拥抱更多的人，越多越好，让我的身体暖和起来。
This special was filmed in February. We cannot stress enough, this was before the quarantine.
这个特别节目是二月份录制的，我们要强调的是，这个是居家隔离之前录制的。
Don't we love going to grocery stores?
我们难道不爱去杂货店吗？
I love going to grocery stores. I go for the free samples. I don't care...people putting their hands in there, different people touching.
反正我喜欢去，因为我是冲着免费试吃样品去的，我不在乎，人们都在那里伸手试吃，不同的人在触摸食物。
More flavor! Hey, free samples. Why don't we cut out the middleman.
更多的口味，嗨，免费的样品哦，我们为什么不舍弃中间人。
Just put the food directly into my mouth. We swear, this special was hilarious before all the stuff went down.
直接把食物放在我的嘴里，我们承诺这个特别节目很搞笑，但结果....
Going to the movies is a trip, man. So much work on the movies. Oy, you got to get dressed.
去电影月是一次旅程，朋友们，需要做很多的工作，你需要盛装出席。
You leave the house. You've got to get the popcorn with the...
你离开房子，你需要拿着爆米花...
The prices of the popcorn with the up, up, up, up, up. No, no, no.
但爆米花的价格是涨....涨....涨.....涨....涨。
Hey, look, we have infinite movies at home. Our homes are movie theaters.
但是家里有无限量的电影可以看，我们的家就是电影院。
Except this theater has a fridge full of leftovers, and I don't have to wear pants.
除了这个家庭电影院的冰箱里有很多剩菜剩饭，而且还不用穿裤子。
Please, just try to put your head where it was at three months ago.
拜托，就戴上三个月前的那颗头就可以了。
I will get on the elevator no matter how many people are on it. I'm not waiting.
我会坐上电梯，不管里面有多少人，我不想等待。
I got places to go, people, okay? So if that means my nose is in your mouth, that's what needs to happen.
我有地方要去，谢谢，可以吗？如果这意味着我的鼻子要放入你的嘴里，那就让它如此吧。
I'm so glad that there's not a mandated amount of space that we need to give each other.
很高兴没有对彼此的空间进行强制规定。
Like, I don't know. I'm just gonna spitball. 6 feet away from each other. I'm just spitballing.
恩，我不知道，我要吐口水球了，彼此距离是6英尺。我正在吐口水球。
Stop tweeting at us. We know. Speaking of spitballing, why don't adults shoot spitballs at each other? Spitball.
不要对我们叽叽喳喳，说道口水球，为什么成年人彼此不发射口水球呢？口述球。
Why did that stop when we were kids? And why do you have the ball at all?
为什么在我们小的时候就停止了？你为什么要有那个球呢？
Let's just cut out the middleman and spit on each other. Did he cause this?
让我们舍弃中间人，直接向对方吐口水，是他造成的吗？
Anyone else looking forward to summer? You've got Coachella. You've got water parks.
有谁还期待着夏天吗？那时候会有科切拉音乐节，会有水乐园。
You got sporting events. I'm at my happiest when I'm making my way through a dense crowd full of strangers
有体育运动，我最快乐的时候是从一大堆陌生人中间穿过，
just to get to a public bathroom that we've all been using together. Who's with me? Oh, come on.
只是为了去一个大家都在用的公共厕所，谁会和我一起？好吧，来吧。
We forgot about that part. Why does Halloween come only once a year?
我们忘了这个部分，为什么万圣节每年就一次？
I want to wear a mask every day. Tim Williamson, Right Next to You.
我想要每天都戴面具，蒂姆·威廉森，就在你身旁。
When I'm in a Mexican restaurant, I don't want Modelo. I don't want Tecate. I don't want...
当我身在一家墨西哥餐厅时，我不想要莫德罗，特卡特，我不想要...
I don't know this language. What do I need? Duolingo? I want a...And it doesn't even have to be cold. Hot, hot...
我不想要这种语言，我需要什么呢？多邻国？而且甚至不用那么寒冷...热，很热....
