评论
打印
And the key here is to accept that it will always be part of one's life and then to say,
所以现在的关键就是接受它一直都是我们生活的一部分这个事实
all right, so what do I do now? In other words, it is about then taking action. Behavior.
然后问 “好的 那我该怎么办？” 换句话说就是采取行动
So for example, it's about coping, putting ourselves on the line.
所以举例来说 就是怎么应对 把自己置于线上
What I did initially, when I first realized that perfectionism and my defensiveness,
我最初所做的 在我留意到我的完美主义与自卫性的时候
I would go out of my way and solicit criticism. And I would ask people, "so you know give me feedback about it."
我会撇开我的做法并且请求批评 我会问别人“给我点反馈吧”
And when I received negative feedback, things that were actually deviations from the straight line,
当我收到负面的反馈的时候 和我的直线有所偏离的时候
I literally held myself from you know pouncing back.
我就阻止自己回击
You know the best form of defenses is attack very often for perfectionist.
你们也知道 对于完美主义者来说最好的防守就是进攻
And slowly I got used to it. And I became far less defensive.
慢慢地我就习惯了 我没那么有自卫性了
And I was able to create much higher levels of intimacy.
我得以创造更高层次的亲密关系
Or I put myself on the line in other areas, where I potentially would experience a no.
或者我开始尝试别的领域 那里我可能会遭到否定
So let me end with a quick story. Her name is Brittaney. She was a show girl. At least to me she was.
让我以一个故事来结尾吧 她的名字叫布列塔尼 她是一个展场女郎 至少我这么认为
We met freshman week. And we really hit it off. We spent almost the entire freshman week out.
我们在大学第一周时认识 我对她一见钟情 我们几乎整个第一周都在一起
And at the end of the freshman week, wanting to overcome my perfectionism,
到那一周的周末 为了克服我的完美主义
I asked her out. And she said no. It surprised me, def me, hurt me. But she said no.
我约她出来 她拒绝了 这让我很吃惊 很受伤 但是她确实拒绝了
My sophomore year, we met again. And again, I asked her out. And this time she said no.
在大学第二年 我们又见面了 我再次约她出来 她又拒绝了
Junior year, toward the end of my junior year, I dated someone.
第三年 在年末的时候 我和另一个人约会了
So Brittaney was out of the equation. And then we met again-my senior year.
所以布列塔尼就出局了 然后我们又见面了 在我大四的时候
We had an amazing conversation. By that time I already studied psychology.
我们谈了些有趣的话题 那时候我已经开始学习心理学了
I could also read her body language. She did a lot of this with her hair.
我也可以读懂她的身体语言 她经常这么弄她的头发
And I knew that she really liked me. And I asked her out. And she said no.
然后我知道她确实很喜欢我 然后我约她出来 她拒绝了
And I'm still here with you. And that was an important learning process.
然后我就还留在这里和你们在一起 这就是个很重要的学习过程
Learn to fail or fail to learn. I'll see you in next week.
学会失败 或败于学习 我们下周见
