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Thank you. Thank you so much. I feel like Michelle Obama at the Grammys.
谢谢，非常感谢，米希尔·奥巴马出现在了格莱美奖。
Please. Please sit down. We're a hot crowd. You are a hot, hot crowd. Thank you, sir.
请坐下，现场很热烈，你们很热烈啊，谢谢先生们。
Yikes. I love having my dad at the show. It's great. Well, the 61st Grammy Awards were last night.
呀，我喜欢让我爸爸在节目里，很棒，昨晚是第六十一届格莱美颁奖。
And Michelle Obama made a surprise appearance. Only...
米希尔·奥巴马突然现身，只是...
It was great. The only bigger surprise would be if President Trump appeared at the Latin Grammys.
很棒，如果小特总统出现在拉丁格莱美奖上出现，那才是最大的惊喜呢。
That would be.... Wow. I also saw that Nancy Pelosi got a standing ovation at a Grammy party this weekend. Yeah.
那就是，哦哦，听说南希·佩洛西周末在格莱美派对上接受了起立鼓掌。
Which was great until she realized they were all clapping like this.
太棒了，直到她发现他们都是这么鼓掌的。
But I want to say congrats to Cardi B, who won the Grammy for Best Rap Album.
我想祝贺卡迪·B，她获得了格莱美的最佳说唱专辑。
We love Cardi B. After she won, Cardi went onstage and talked about how nervous she was.
我喜欢卡迪·B，她获奖之后，卡迪·B走上台前，她谈论了她非常紧张。
Check out what she said. Ooh, the nerves are so bad. Maybe I need to start smoking weed.
来看看她是怎么说的，哦，我太紧张了，或许我需要吸食点烟草。
Then everyone in the crowd was like, You're at the Grammys. Just take a really deep breath.
在场的朋友们都在说，你是在格莱美，只需要深呼吸。
You get it? Let's get to some news. I read that Congress is offering Trump 2 billion dollars for his border wall
听懂了吗？听听新闻，听说国会为小特的边境墙提供了20亿美金，
instead of the 5.7 billion dollars that he asked for. Which means a lot of immigrants
而不是他要求的57亿美金。这就意味着许多移民
will just bang their shins on the wall while they hop over. Tiny.
将用小腿敲击边境墙，同时翻墙越过，小意思。
But Trump was examined by 11 specialists for four hours, and they said that he's in very good health.
但小特被11名专家检查了四个小时，他们说他的健康状况很好。
Nothing says very good health like having to be examined by 11 specialists over four hours.
让11名医生检查四个多小时不可能身体好哦。
Even E.T. only had five specialists. Some more political news.
即使是外星人也只有五名专家，来看看政治新闻。
This weekend, Minnesota senator Amy Klobuchar announced that she's running for president in an outdoor rally in the middle of a blizzard.
本周末，明尼苏达州参议员埃米·克洛布彻在暴风雪中，在户外的集会上宣布竞选总统。
And this is real. Just take a look. This is her at the beginning of the rally.
这是真的，里看看，这就是她在集会刚开始时的表现。
Now, we don't let a little snow stop us. Yeah. Yeah. And here she is at the end of the rally.
我们不会让小雪阻止我们，没错没错，这是她在集会进程一半时的样子。
A chorus of different faiths, races, creeds... Wow. I think...
一群有不同信仰，不同种族，不同教条，哦哦，我认为。
I think we have a shot of one of her supporters in the crowd. Take a look. There, yeah. Wow.
我想我们有支持者在人群中的照片，来看看，好吧，耶耶。
Well, after Klobuchar's event, the President tweeted about it. And he said,
在克洛布彻活动之后，小特推特了一下，他说，
By the end of her speech, she looked like a snowman(woman).
在演讲结束时，她很像雪人。
And he was like, The difference between a snowman and a snowwoman is where you stick the carrot.
他说雪人和女雪人的区别是你在哪里放胡萝卜。
What are you doing? It's the nose. It's the nose. Finally, Valentine's Day is this Thursday.
你在干嘛？这是鼻子，这是鼻子，最后周四就是情人节了。
And I saw that if you go to Hooters....if you go to Hooters, you can shred a photo of your ex and get free wings.
听说如果你去猫头鹰餐厅，如果你去猫头鹰餐厅，你可以撕碎前男女友的照片，然后得到免费鸡翅。
It's fun until you realize that you got back at your ex by eating alone at a Hooters on Valentine's Day.
很有趣，直到你发现为了惩罚前男女友，你自己在情人节这天独自来到了猫头鹰。
