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Hot crowd. Hot New York City crowd tonight.
今天纽约人头攒动。
Guys, speaking of New York, did you hear that, I just saw the Knicks fired their head coach this week?
说到纽约，纽约尼克斯队解雇了教练，你们听说了吗？
Whoo! I heard, yeah! Yeah. You did hear it, ma'am? Thank you.
听说了，真的听说了吗？谢谢你。
She heard. Knicks fans were shocked. They were like, We had a coach? What was he doing?
她听说过，纽约尼克斯队粉丝相当惊讶，我们真的有教练吗？他干了什么？
I want to say congratulations to Khloe Kardashian, who gave birth to a baby girl yesterday.
先来祝贺一下克罗·卡戴珊，她昨晚生了一个女孩。
The baby has 10 fingers, 10 toes, and 10 million Instagram followers.
宝宝有10个手指，10个脚趾，以及一千万Instagram粉丝。
It's very, Yeah, already. That's sweet. Hey, guys, Tuesday is Tax Day,
太棒了，周二是缴税日，
which means you've got just three days left to either send in your taxes or become President of America. So it's...
距离缴税截止日期就三天了，否则的话你就成了美国总统了，嗯嗯。
That's right. Tax day is coming up. What's nice about tax day is whether you're getting a refund or not,
没错，缴税日来了，它的优点就是无论你是否拿到了退税，
we're all gonna go out and get drunk and buy something we don't need. It's just perfect.
我们都要出去畅饮，买一些我们不用的东西，太完美了。
I don't need it. The deadline for filing your taxes is on Tuesday, and a lot of Americans still haven't even gotten started yet.
我不需要这个，纳税申报截止日期是周二，许多人还没开始呢。
So here with last-minute tips on doing your taxes from the independent financial consulting firm, Bream and Hackett,
对于那些还没有申报的朋友，金融咨询公司“布雷姆和海克特”会为您指点一二，
here's Mark Bream. Thank you for being here, Mark. Thank you, Jimmy. Nice to be here.
请上马克·布雷姆，感谢大家，马克，吉姆，非常荣幸。
Now, Mark, April 17th is right around the corner. What are tips you have for people who still haven't started their taxes this late in the game?
4月17日马上就要来了，对于那些还没有动手准备的人，你有什么建议吗？
That's a good question, Jimmy. Eh, don't worry about it. I'm sorry. What?
这是个好问题，吉姆，不要担心，你说什么？
Yeah. Don't worry about doing your taxes. What are you talking about? Yeah, you know. Don't do'em. Yeah.
不用担心你的纳税问题，你在说什么？不用管它。
Right. Right. What do you mean, don't do your taxes? Just don't do them?
什么意思，不用管，不用纳税？
Yeah. Don't do'em. You're good. Good? But if you don't file your taxes, don't you risk getting in trouble?
不用管，这样就很好，但如果你不申报，你不会有麻烦吗？
Nah, you're good. I'm sorry. I'm just a little unclear here. Do you guys have some sort of system or process for helping people with their taxes?
这样就不错，对不起，我不是太清楚，你们公司有没有一些帮助人们处理纳税问题的东西？
Oh, yes, we do, Jimmy. Step one, yeah...don't do your taxes.
当然吉姆，第一步是不用纳税。
Step two...Naaah, you are good. I'm so sorry, Mark. Can you please explain yourself further? I think we're all a little unclear here.
第二步是这样就很不错，对不起马克，你能再解释清楚一些吗？我们不是太清楚。
Well, Jimmy, we here at Bream and Hackett have found over the years that we don't really understand taxes at all.
经过这么多年，“布雷姆和海克特”发现我们其实不懂税这个词。
Like, we don't get them. Like, we don't know what a 1040 is or W-2 or W-4 or why there's a W.
我们真的不懂，我们不知道“1040”是什么意思，或者什么是W-2，W-4，我们甚至不知道它为什么是W。
Like, we heard the phrase estimated tax, but we have no clue what it means.
我们知道有“预期税额”这个词，但不知道什么意思。
Like, like, we've heard about FICA, but we just think it's the name of someone's dog.
我们听说过FICA这个词，但一直以为它是狗的名字。
Like, we get pizza and we get chairs but we don't get taxes, you know? Like we don't necessarily... All right, Mark, Mark, I get it. I get it.
我们明白披萨和椅子，但不知道税是什么意思，好了马克，我知道你什么意思了。
You don't get it, but I have to ask, I mean, how are you able to be a financial consultant
你不明白，但我想问你是怎么成为一名金融咨询师的，
if your advice is just to not to do your taxes? I mean, who are your clients? Donald Trump.
如果你的建议只是不去缴税，你的客户是谁？小特啊。
Ah! Thank you. Mark Bream, everybody. Mark Bream. Ah.
谢谢你，马克·布雷姆。
Guys, listen to this. I heard about a new bowl with a built-in wall that goes between your milk and your cereal so the cereal doesn't get soggy.
听说有一种新碗，中间有隔板可以把牛奶和燕麦分开，这样燕麦就不会湿了。
Or as one guy put it...The cereal should make the milk pay for that wall. No way.
就像某人说的，燕麦应该让牛奶支付隔板钱，不可能。
Get this. Police in Argentina are in trouble for losing over 1,000 pounds of marijuana and then saying the weed was eaten by mice.
阿根廷警方有麻烦了，他们把一千磅大麻丢了，说大麻被老鼠吃了。
Meanwhile, there's totally a mouse out there like, I need cheese, bruh.
那只可怜的老鼠说我喜欢奶酪。
Speaking of animals, I read that the green-haired turtle has officially been added to the endangered species list.
说到动物，听说绿毛龟已被正式列入濒危物种行列。
Have you, this is a real thing. Have you seen the green-haired turtle? Take a look at this thing. It's real.
这是真的，你们见过这种龟吗？来看看，这是真的。
Pretty crazy. Well, I guess it's been feeling depressed about being endangered,
太疯狂了，被濒危的感觉一定不爽，
so other animals are trying to cheer it up. Here's what some of them had to say.
其它动物希望缓解一下气氛，来看看它们是怎么说的。
First, this blobfish said you are depressed? Relax. Compared to me, you look like Ryan Friggin Gosling.
水滴鱼先说，你抑郁了？放轻松，和我比起来，你非常像瑞恩·高斯林。
And this next animal said I know what will make you better，bath salts.
下一个说我知道怎么能让你高兴，浴盐。
And finally, this monkey said hey, at least all your body parts look like they are in the right spot. Oh! Oy!
猴子说至少你身体的各个部分都在正确的位置，哦哦。
I heard that scientists say there's currently a giant hole on the surface of the sun, but it's probably nothing to worry about.
科学家说太阳表面有个大洞，但不用担心。
Anyway, happy Friday the 13th, everybody. And...
13号星期五快乐，朋友们。
And finally this week, President Trump said that Robert Mueller's investigation is the reason America and Russia have bad blood.
本周，小特称罗伯特·米勒的调查是美俄关系恶化的原因。
Trump's actually been talking a lot about bad blood. Bad blood, a lot. So I'll show you what I mean. Watch this.
小特一直在谈论敌对这个词，敌对，看看你就明白了。
Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood...You know it used to be mad love. Take a look. What you've done.
我们处于敌对状态，以前是蜜月状态，看看你们都干了什么。
Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!
我们处于敌对状态，今晚的节目很精彩，掌声送给紫金合唱团。
