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You has spent this past weekend at a water park, right? That's right.
你上周去了水上乐园玩，是吗？是的
A water park is basically agreeing to go and just bathe in 1,000 other people's filth. Yes, 100 per cent.
去水上乐园是一家人的意思，但我们只是去呼吸了那么多游客呼出来的浊气。没错。
So after a couple of hours, I was like I've got to get us out of here. I've got my two kids and my wife. I said we're going.
所以没几个小时，我就说我们得离开这儿。我叫上我的两个孩子和妻子。我说我们走吧
We have to go. We have to find a changing room. We got to get the hell out of here.
我们得离开这儿。我们要先去找更衣室。准备离开这个鬼地方
We found that it's so crowded and hot.
这儿太挤了，天气又热。
And there's these changing rooms and there's a long line for the changing rooms.
然而更衣室就那么几个，而且都排着长队
This is like the 19th line of the day. So I make an executive decision to be an...
那大概是我们一天里要排的第十九次队。所以我立马决定——
And figured out just to find a fitting room and forget about the line. I had to get my kids out of this place.
我觉得我们必须先找到更衣室，我得让孩子们离开这里
Shove them in the changing room. Get my wife, everybody in there. We closed the door.
我把他们推进更衣室，又把妻子拉进来一起，关上门。
And my kids go, daddy, daddy, daddy,
然后孩子一直喊，爸，爸，爸
and we look and on the floor there's a discarded pair of women's—women's bottoms of a bikini
我们低头一看，地板上有一件被遗弃的女式比基尼的下装，
and right next to it is a full-sized human turd—
旁边是一堆尺寸超大的人类粪便——
I mean, the use of the phrase full-sized.
“尺寸超大”这个词用的真是——
So you know a child had nothing to do with it.
孩子们跟这事是无关的。
They were next to each other. You know they were part of the same story.
些便便就在他们旁边，但现在就感觉这事像是他们干的一样
But where did she go? She was out of there. She was gone.
那掉这件衣服的女人在哪？她早就离开了，不见了。
And every time I had to get my kids dressed and every time I got down I was closer to it.
我得给孩子们穿好衣服，但每次蹲下来我就离那些便便近了一点儿。
And the kids were like, no, no, no. And I was like yeah, we've got to get you dressed and get out of here.
然后孩子们就，不要不要不要，我说，我要给你穿上衣服我们好出去
We're just going to have to live with this turd for like seven minutes. Oh, god. That's why you shouldn't go to a water park.
所以我们就和这堆粪便共处了大概有七分钟。天哪，就是因为这个你也不应该去水上乐园。
If you looked like Wilmer Valderrama, you go to Wilmer Valderrama...if I looked like you...Are you kidding? Look how healthy he is.
如果你长得跟维尔摩·瓦尔德拉玛一样的话，你就是咯...如果我长得跟你一样...你在开玩笑吗？看看他多健壮。
