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And I went out and I interviewed person after person who was suffering with depression.
于是我去探访了一个又一个经历过抑郁的人
One of the first people I interviewed
我第一批采访的人中有一个人
described depression as a slower way of being dead,
把抑郁描述为一种缓慢的死亡方式
and that was a good thing for me to hear early on
这种说法最初在我听来是好的
because it reminded me that that slow way of being dead can lead to actual deadness,
因为这告诉我，缓慢的死亡方式是会以真正的死亡结束的
that this is a serious business.
这不是说着玩的
It's the leading disability worldwide, and people die of it every day.
这是世界上导致机能障碍的主要原因之一，每天都有人因此死去
One of the people I talked to
在我试图了解这些的时候
when I was trying to understand this was a beloved friend
其中一个我采访的人是我的挚友
who I had known for many years,
我们已经相识很多年了
and who had had a psychotic episode in her freshman year of college,
她曾经在她大学入学的那一年有过精神病发作
and then plummeted into a horrific depression.
之后陷入了可怕的抑郁
She had bipolar illness, or manic depression, as it was then known.
她患有双相情感障碍，当时叫做躁郁症
And then she did very well for many years on lithium,
她经过多年的化学治疗病情控制得很好
and then eventually, she was taken off her lithium to see how she would do without it,
于是后来，她尝试停止化学治疗，想看看能够独立的支撑下来
and she had another psychosis, and then plunged into the worst depression that I had ever seen
她却精神病复发，并且陷入了我所见过的最严重的抑郁
in which she sat in her parents' apartment,
她在父母的公寓里坐着
more or less catatonic, essentially without moving, day after day after day.
多少有些紧张症的样子，几乎一动不动，日复一日都是如此
And when I interviewed her about that experience some years later
当我几年之后采访她那段经历时
she's a poet and psychotherapist named Maggie Robbins
她叫玛吉·罗宾斯，诗人，精神治疗医师
when I interviewed her, she said,
当我采访她的时候她说
"I was singing 'Where Have All The Flowers Gone' over and over to occupy my mind.
“我一遍一遍地唱着‘花儿去向何处’来占据我的头脑
I was singing to blot out the things my mind was saying,
来清除我头脑中不停重复的话语
which were, 'You are nothing. You are nobody. You don't even deserve to live.'
‘你一文不值，你这个无名小辈，你根本不配活在这世上。’
And that was when I really started thinking about killing myself."
那时候我真正开始有了自杀的想法。”
You don't think in depression that you've put on a gray veil
你没有意识到自己抑郁，但是你已经戴上了一层灰色的面纱
and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood.
并且是透过这层坏情绪的薄纱来看待这个世界的
You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness,
你认为是快乐的面纱被摘掉了
and that now you're seeing truly.
这样你可以看得更加真实
